Stalky & Co. by Rudyard Kipling (young adult books to read .txt) đ
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âAh! They consider themselves superior to ordinary delights. Self-sufficient little animals! Thereâs something in McTurkâs Hibernian sneer that would make me a little annoyed. And they are so careful to avoid all overt acts, too. Itâs sheer calculated insolence. I am strongly opposed, as you know, to interfering with another manâs house; but they need a lesson, Prout. They need a sharp lesson, if only to bring down their over-weening self-conceit. Were I you, I should devote myself for a week to their little performances. Boys of that orderâand I may flatter myself, but I think I know boysâdonât join the Bug-hunters for love. Tell the Sergeant to keep his eye open; and, of course, in my peregrinations I may casually keep mine open, too.â
âTi-ra-la-la-i-tu! I gloat! Hear me!â far down the corridor.
âDisgusting!â said King. âWhere do they pick up these obscene noises? One sharp lesson is what they want.â
The boys did not concern themselves with lessons for the next few days. They had all Colonel Dabneyâs estate to play with, and they explored it with the stealth of Red Indians and the accuracy of burglars. They could enter either by the Lodge-gates on the upper roadâthey were careful to ingratiate themselves with the Lodge-keeper and his wifeâdrop down into the combe, and return along the cliffs; or they could begin at the combe and climb up into the road.
They were careful not to cross the Colonelâs pathâhe had served his turn, and they would not out-wear their welcomeânor did they show up on the sky-line when they could move in cover. The shelter of the gorze by the cliff-edge was their chosen retreat. Beetle christened it the Pleasant Isle of Aves, for the peace and the shelter of it; and here, the pipes and tobacco once cacheâd in a convenient ledge an armâs length down the cliff, their position was legally unassailable.
For, observe, Colonel Dabney had not invited them to enter his house. Therefore, they did not need to ask specific leave to go visiting; and school rules were strict on that point. He had merely thrown open his grounds to them; and, since they were lawful Bug-hunters, their extended bounds ran up to his notice-boards in the combe and his Lodge-gates on the hill.
They were amazed at their own virtue.
âAnd even if it wasnât,â said Stalky, flat on his back, staring into the blue. âEven suppose we were miles out of bounds, no one could get at us through this wuzzy, unless he knew the tunnel. Isnât this better than lyinâ up just behind the Coll.âin a blue funk every time we had a smoke? Isnât your Uncle Stalkyâ?â
âNo,â said Beetleâhe was stretched at the edge of the cliff spitting thoughtfully. âWeâve got to thank Turkey for this. Turkey is the Great Man. Turkey, dear, youâre distressing Heffles.â
âGloomy old ass!â said McTurk, deep in a book.
âTheyâve got us under suspicion,â said Stalky. âHoophats is so suspicious somehow; and Foxy always makes every stalk he does a sort ofâsort ofââ
âScalp,â said Beetle. âFoxyâs a giddy Chingangook.â
âPoor Foxy,â said Stalky. âHeâs goinâ to catch us one of these days. âSaid to me in the Gym last night, âIâve got my eye on you, Mister Corkran. Iâm only warning you for your good.â Then I said: âWell, you jolly well take it off again, or youâll get into trouble. Iâm only warninâ you for your good.â Foxy was wrath.â
âYes, but itâs only fair sport for Foxy,â said Beetle. âItâs Hefflelinga that has the evil mind. âShouldnât wonder if he thought we got tight.â
âI never got squiffy but onceâthat was in the holidays,â said Stalky, reflectively; âanâ it made me horrid sick. âPon my sacred Sam, though, itâs enough to drive a man to drink, havinâ an animal like Hoof for housemaster.â
âIf we attended the matches anâ yelled, âWell hit, sir,â anâ stood on one leg anâ grinned every time Heffy said, âSo ho, my sons. Is it thus?â anâ said, âYes, sir,â anâ âNo, sir,â anâ âO, sir,â anâ âPlease, sir,â like a lot oâ filthy fa-ags, Heffy âud think no end of us,â said McTurk with a sneer.
âToo late to begin that.â
âItâs all right. The Hefflelinga means well. But he is an ass. And we show him that we think heâs an ass. Anâ so Heffy donât love us. âTold me last night after prayers that he was inloco_parentis_,â Beetle grunted.
âThe deuce he did!â cried Stalky. âThat means heâs maturinâ something unusual damâ mean. Last time he told me that he gave me three hundred lines for dancinâ the cachuca in Number Ten dormitory. Locoparentis_, by gum! But whatâs the odds as long as youâre âappy? Weâre all right.â
They were, and their very rightness puzzled Prout, King, and the Sergeant. Boys with bad consciences show it. They slink out past the Fives Court in haste, and smile nervously when questioned. They return, disordered, in bare time to save a callover. They nod and wink and giggle one to the other, scattering at the approach of a master. But Stalky and his allies had long out-lived these manifestations of youth. They strolled forth unconcernedly, and returned in excellent shape after a light refreshment of strawberries and cream at the Lodge.
The Lodge-keeper had been promoted to keeper, vice the murderous fisherman, and his wife made much of the boys. The man, too, gave them a squirrel, which they presented to the Natural History Society; thereby checkmating little Hartopp, who wished to know what they were doing for Science. Foxy faithfully worked some deep Devon lanes behind a lonely cross-roads inn; and it was curious that Prout and King, members of Common-room seldom friendly, walked together in the same directionâthat is to say, northeast.
Now, the Pleasant Isle of Aves lay due southwest. âTheyâre deepâday-vilish deep,â said Stalky. âWhy are they drawinâ those covers?â
âMe,â said Beetle sweetly. âI asked Foxy if he had ever tasted the beer there. That was enough for Foxy, and it cheered him up a little. He and Heffy were sniffinâ round our old hut so long I thought theyâd like a change.â
âWell, it canât last forever,â said Stalky. âHeffyâs bankinâ up like a thunder-cloud, anâ King goes rubbinâ his beastly hands, anâ grinninâ like a hyena. Itâs shockinâ demoralizinâ for King. Heâll burst some day.â
That day came a little sooner than they expectedâcame when the Sergeant, whose duty it was to collect defaulters, did not attend an afternoon callover.
âTired of pubs, eh? Heâs gone up to the top of the bill with his binoculars to spot us,â said Stalky. âWonder he didnât think of that before. Did you see old Heffy cock his eye at us when we answered our names? Heffyâs in it, too. Ti-ra-la-la-i-tu! I gloat! Hear me! Come on!â
âAves?â said Beetle.
âOf course, but Iâm not smokinâ aujourdâhui. Parcequeje_ jolly well pense that weâll be suivi. Weâll go along the cliffs, slow, anâ give Foxy lots of time to parallel us up above.â
They strolled towards the swimming-baths, and presently overtook King. âOh, donât let me interrupt you,â he said. âEngaged in scientific pursuits, of course? I trust you will enjoy yourselves, my young friends.â
âYou see!â said Stalky, when they were out of earshot. âHe canât keep a secret. Heâs followinâ to cut off our line of retreat. Heâll wait at the baths till Heffy comes along. Theyâve tried every blessed place except along the cliffs, and now they think theyâve bottled us. No need to hurry.â
They walked leisurely over the combes till they reached the line of notice-boards.
âListen a shake. Foxyâs up wind cominâ down hill like beans. When you hear him move in the bushes, go straight across to Aves. They want to catch us flagrantedelicto_.â
They dived into the gorse at right angles to the tunnel, openly crossing the grass, and lay still in Aves.
âWhat did I tell you?â Stalky carefully put away the pipes and tobacco. The Sergeant, out of breath, was leaning against the fence, raking the furze with his binoculars, but he might as well have tried to see through a sand-bag. Anon, Prout and King appeared behind him. They conferred.
âAha! Foxy donât like the notice-boards, and he donât like the prickles either. Now weâll cut up the tunnel and go to the Lodge. Hullo! Theyâve sent Foxy into cover.â
The Sergeant was waist-deep in crackling, swaying furze, his ears filled with the noise of his own progress. The boys reached the shelter of the wood and looked down through a belt of hollies.
âHellish noise!â said Stalky, critically. ââDonât think Colonel Dabney will like it. I move we go into the Lodge and get something to eat. We might as well see the fun out.â
Suddenly the keeper passed them at a trot. âWhoâm they to combe-bottom for Lardâs sake? Masterâll be crazy,â he said.
âPoachers simly,â Stalky replied in the broad Devon that was the boyâs languede_guerre_.
âIâll poach âem to raights!â He dropped into the funnel-like combe, which presently began to fill with noises, notably Kingâs voice crying: âGo on, Sergeant! Leave him alone, you, sir. He is executing my orders.â
âWhoâm yeou to give arders here, gingy whiskers? Yeou come up to the master. Come out oâ that wuzzy! [This is to the Sergeant.] Yiss, I reckon us knows the boys yeouâm after. Theyâve tu long ears anâ vuzzy bellies, anâ you nippies they in yeour pockets when theyâm dead. Come on up to master! Heâll boy yeou all youâre a mind to. Yeou other folk bide your side fence.â
âExplain to the proprietor. You can explain, Sergeant,â shouted King. Evidently the Sergeant had surrendered to the major force.
Beetle lay at full length on the turf behind the Lodge, literally biting the earth in spasms of joy. Stalky kicked him upright. There was nothing of levity about Stalky or McTurk save a stray muscle twitching on the cheek.
They tapped at the Lodge door, where they were always welcome. âCome yeou right in anâ set down, my little dearrs,â said the woman. âTheyâll niver touch my man. Heâll poach âem to rights. Iss fai! Fresh berries anâ cream. Us Dartymoor folk niver forgit their friends. But them Bidevor poachers, theyâve no hem to their garments. Sugar? My man heâve digged a badger for yeou, my dearrs. âTis in the linhay in a box.â
âUsâll take un with us when weâre finished here. I reckon yeouâm busy. Weâll bide here anâââtis washinâ day with yeou, simly,â said Stalky. âWeâm no company to make all vitty for. Never yeou mind us. Yiss. Thereâs plenty cream.â
The woman withdrew, wiping her pink hands on her apron, and left them in the parlor. There was a scuffle of feet on the gravel outside the heavily-leaded diamond panes, and then the voice of Colonel Dabney, something clearer than a bugle.
âYe can read? Youâve eyes in your head? Donât attempt to deny it. Ye have!â
Beetle snatched a crochet-work antimacassar from the shiny horsehair sofa, stuffed it into his mouth, and rolled out of sight.
âYou saw my notice-boards. Your duty? Curse your impudence, sir. Your duty was to keep off my grounds. Talk of duty to me! Whyâwhyâwhy, ye misbegotten poacher, yeâll be teaching me my A B C next! Roarinâ like a bull in the bushes down there! Boys? Boys? Boys? Keep your boys at home, then! Iâm not responsible for your boys! But I donât believe itâI donât believe a word of it. Yeâve a furtive look in your eyeâa furtive, sneakinâ, poachinâ look in your eye, that âud ruin the reputation of an archangel!
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