A Voyage Of Consolation by Sara Jeannette Duncan (most read books of all time .TXT) 📖

Connections. She Approached Us Quite Blandly,  And I Saw At Once

That Dicky Dod Had Been Telling Her That Poppa'S Chances For The

Presidency Were Considered Certain,  That The Spanish Infanta Had Stayed

With Us While She Was In chicago At The Exhibition,  And That We Fed Her

From Gold Plate. It Was All In Mrs. Portheris'S Manner.

 

"Another Unexpected Meeting!" She Exclaimed. "My Dear Mrs. Wick,  You

_Are_ Looking Worn Out! Try My Sal Volatile--I Insist!" And In The

General Greeting Momma Was Seen To Back Violently Away From A Long

Silver Bottle In every Direction. Poppa Had To Interfere. "If It'S All

The Same To You,  Aunt Caroline," He Said,  "Mrs. Wick Is Quite As Usual,

Though I Think The Middle Agedness Of This Country Is A Little Trying

For Her At This Time Of Year. She'S Just A Little Upset This Morning By

Seeing The Cook Plucking A Rooster Down In The Backyard Before He'D

Killed It. The Rooster Was In Great Affliction,  You See,  And The Way He

Crowed Got On Momma'S Nerves. She'S Been Telling Us About It Ever Since.

But We Hope It Will Pass Off."

 

Mrs. Portheris Expanded Into That Inevitable British Story Of The

Officer Who Reported Of Certain Tribes That They Had No Manners And

Their Customs Were Abominable,  And I,  At A Mute Invitation From Dicky,

Stepped Aside To Get The Angle Of The Tower From A Better Point Of View.

 

Mr. Dod Was Depressed,  So Much So That He Came To The Point At Once. "I

Hope You Had A Good Time In Genoa," He Said. "We Should Have Been There

Now,  Only I Knew We Should Never Catch Up To You If We Didn'T Skip

Something. So I Heard Of A Case Of Cholera There,  And Didn'T Mention

That It Was Last Year. Quite Enough For Her Ex. I Say,  Though--It'S No

Use."

 

"Isn'T It?" Said I. "Are You Sure?"

 

"Pretty Confoundedly Certain. The British Lion'S Getting There,  In Great

Shape--The Brute. All The Widow'S Arranging. With The Widow It'S 'Mr.

Dod,  You Will Take Care Of _Me_,  Won'T You?' Or 'Come Now,  Mr. Dod,  And

Tell Me All About Buffalo Shooting On Your Native Prairies'--And Mr. Dod

Is A Rattled Jay. There'S Something About The Mandate Of A Middle-Aged

British Female."

 

"I Should Think There Was!" I Said.

 

"Then Maffy,  You See,  Walks In. They Don'T Seem To Have Much

Conversation--She Regularly Brightens Up When I Come Along And Say

Something Cheerful--But He'S Gradually Making Up His Mind That The Best

Isn'T Any Too Good For Him."

 

"Perhaps We Don'T Begin So Well In america," I Interrupted

Thoughtfully. "But Then,  We Don'T Develop Into Mrs. P.'S Either."

 

Dicky Seemed Unable To Follow My Line Of Thought. "I Must Say," He Went

On Resentfully,  "I Like--Well,  Just A _Smell_ Of Constancy About A Man.

A Fellow That'S Thrown Over Ought To Be In about The Same Shape As A

Widower. But Not Much Maffy. I Tried To Work Up His Feelings Over The

American Girl The Other Night--He Was As Calm!"

 

"Dicky," Said I,  "There Are Subjects A Man _Must_ Keep Sacred. You Must

Not Speak To Mr. Mafferton Of His First--Attachment Again. They Never Do

It In england,  Except For Purposes Of Fiction."

 

"Well,  I Worked That Racket All I Knew. I Even Told Him That American

Girls As Often As Not Changed Their Minds."

 

"_Richard!_ He Will Think I--What _Will_ He Think Of American Girls! It

Was Excessively Wrong Of You To Say That--I Might Almost Call It

Criminal!"

 

Dicky Looked At Me In Pained Surprise. "Look Here,  Mamie," He Said,  "A

Fellow In My Fix,  You Know! Don'T Get Excited. How Am I Going To Confide

In You Unless You Keep Your Hair On!"

 

"What,  May I Ask,  Did Mr. Mafferton Say When You Told Him That?" I Asked

Sternly.

 

"He Said--Now You'Ll Be Madder Than Ever. I Won'T Tell You."

 

"Mr. Dod--Dicky,  Haven'T We Been Friends From Infancy!"

 

"Played With The Same Rattle. Cut Our Teeth Together."

 

"Well Then----"

 

"Well Then," He Said,  "Do You Mind Putting Your Parasol Straight? I Like

To See The Person I'M Talking To,  And Besides The Sun Is On The Other

Side. He Said He Didn'T Think It Was A Privilege That Should Be Extended

To All Cases."

 

"He Did,  Did He?" I Rejoined Calmly. "That'S Like The British--Isn'T

It?"

 

"It Would Have Made Such A Complication If I'D Kicked Him," Confessed

Mr. Dod.

 

The Senator,  Momma,  And Mrs. Portheris Stood In The Cathedral Door.

Isabel And Mr. Mafferton Occupied The Middle Distance. Mr. Mafferton

Stooped To Add A Poppy To A Slender Handful Of Wild Flowers He Held Out

To Her. Isabel Was Looking Back.

 

"It Will Be Pleasant Inside The Duomo," I Said. "Let Us Go On. I Feel

Warm. I Agree With You That The Situation Is Serious,  Dicky. Look At

Those Poppies! When An Englishman Does That You May Make Up Your Mind To

The Worst. But I Don'T Think Anybody Need Have The Slightest Respect For

The Affections Of Mr. Mafferton."

 

Inside The Duomo It Was Pleasant,  And Cool,  And There Was A Dim

Religious Light That Gave One An Opportunity For Reflection. I Was So

Much Engaged In Reflection That I Failed To Notice The Shape Of The

Duomo,  But I Have Since Learned That It Was A Basilica,  In The Form Of

A Latin Cross,  And Was Simply Full Of Things Which Should Have Claimed

My Attention. Momma Took Copious Notes From Which I See That The Madonna

And Child Holy Water Basin Was Perfectly Sweet,  And The Episcopal Throne

By Uervellesi In 1536 Was The Finest Piece Of Tarsia Work In The World,

And The Large Bronze Hanging Lamp By Vincenzo Possento Was The Object

Which Assisted Galileo To Invent The Oscillations Of The Pendulum. The

Senator Was Much Taken With The Inlaid Wooden Stalls In The Choir,  The

Subjects Were So Lively. He And His Aunt Caroline Nearly Came To Words

Over A Monkey Regarding Its Reflection In a Looking Glass,  Done With A

Realism Which Mrs. Portheris Considered Little Short Of Profane,  But

Which Poppa Found Quite An Excusable Filip To Devotions Which Must Have

Been Such An All Day Business In The Sixteenth Century. Outside,

However,  Poppa Found It Difficult To Approve The Facade. To Throw Four

Galleries Over The Street Door,  He Said,  With No Visible Means Of

Getting Into Them Or Possible Object For Sitting There,  Was About The

Most Ridiculous Waste Of Building Space He Had Yet Observed.

 

"But Then," Said Dicky Dod,  Who Kept His Disconsolate Place By My Side,

"They Didn'T Seem To Know How To Waste Enough In Those Pre-Elevator

Days. Look At The Pictures And The Bronzes And The Marble Columns Inside

There--Ten Times As Much As They Had Any Use For. They Just Heaped It

Up."

 

"That'S So,  Dicky,  My Boy," Replied Poppa; "We Could Cover More Ground

With The Money In Our Century. But You'Ve Got To Remember That They

Hadn'T Any Other Way Worth Mentioning Of Spending The Taxes. Religion,

So To Speak,  Was The Boss Contractor'S Only Line."

 

Dicky Remarked That It Had To Be Admitted He Worked It On The Square,

And Momma Said That No Doubt People Built As Well As They Knew How At

That Time,  But Nothing Should Induce Her To Add Her Weight To The Top Of

The Leaning Tower.

 

"It Is Very Remarkable And Impressive," Said Momma,  "The Idea Of Its

Hanging Over That Way All These Centuries,  Just On The Drop And Never

Dropping,  But Who Knows That It May Not Come Down This Very Day!"

 

"My Dear Niece,  If I May Call You So," Remarked Mrs. Portheris Urbanely,

"It Was Thus That The Builders Designed This Great Monument To Stand; In

Its Inclination Lies The Triumph Of Their Art."

 

"I Can'T Say I Agree With You There,  Aunt Caroline," Said Poppa; "That

Tower Was Never Meant To Stand Crooked. It'S A Very Serious Defect,  And

If It Happened Nowadays,  It Would Justify Any Municipal Board In

Repudiating The Contract. Even Those Fellows,  You See,  Were Too Sick To

Go On With It,  In every Case. Begun By Bonanus 1174. Bonanus Saw What

Was Going To Happen And Gave It Up At The Third Storey. Then Benenato

Had _His_ Show,  Got It Up To Four,  And Quit,  1203. The Next Architect

Was--Let Me See--William Of Innsbruck. He Put On A Couple More,  And By

That Time It Began To Look Dangerous. But Nothing Happened From 1260 To

1350,  And It Struck Tomaso Pisano That Nothing Would Happen. He Risked

It Anyhow,  Ran Up Another Storey,  Put The Roof On,  And Came In For The

Credit Of The Whole Miracle. I Expect Tomaso Is At The Bottom Of That

Idea Of Yours,  Aunt Caroline. He Would Naturally Give The Reporters That

View."

 

Mrs. Portheris Listened With A Tolerance As Badly Put On As Any Garment

She Was Wearing. "I Do Not Usually Make Assertions," She Said When Poppa

Had Finished,  "Without Being Convinced Of The Facts," And I Became Aware

For The First Time That Her Upper Lip Wore A Slight Moustache.

 

"Well,  You'Ll Excuse Me,  Aunt Caroline----"

 

"All My Life I Have Heard Of The Leaning Tower Of Pisa As A Feat Of

Architecture," Replied His Aunt Caroline Firmly. "I Do Not Propose To

Have That View Disturbed Now."

 

"Perhaps It _Was_ So,  My Dear Love," Put In Momma Deprecatingly,  And Mr.

Dod,  With A Frenzied Wink At Poppa,  Called His Attention To The

Ridiculous Pisan Habit Of Putting Immovable Fringed Carriage-Tops On

Cabs.

 

"It Undoubtedly Was," Said Mrs. Portheris,  With An Embattled Front.

 

"But--Great Scott,  Aunt!" Exclaimed Poppa,  Recklessly,  "Think What This

Place Was Like--All Marsh,  With The Sea Right Alongside; Not Four Miles

Off As It Is Now. Why,  You Couldn'T Base So Much As A Calculation On

It!"

 

"I Must Say," Said Mrs. Portheris In Severe Surprise,  "I Knew That

America Had Made Great Advances In The World Of Invention,  But I Did Not

Expect To Find What Looks Much Like Jealousy Of The Achievements Of An

Older Civilisation."

 

The Senator Looked At His Aunt,  Then He Put His Hat Further Back On His

Head And Cleared His Throat. I Prepared For The Worst,  And The Worst

Would Undoubtedly Have Come If Dicky Dod Had Not Suddenly Remembered

Having Seen A Man With A Foreign Telegram Looking For Somebody In The

Cathedral.

 

"It'S A Feat!" Reiterated Mrs. Portheris As The Senator Left Us In

Pursuit Of The Man With The Telegram.

 

"It'S Fourteen Feet," Cried The Senator From A Safe Distance,  "Out Of

The Perpendicular!" And Left Us To Take The Consequences.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10

When Momma Reported To Me Mrs. Portheris'S Proposition That We Should

Make The Rest Of Our Continental Trip As One Undivided Party,  I Found It

Difficult To Understand.

 

"These Sudden Changes Of Temperature," I Remarked,  "Are Trying To The

Constitution. Why This Desire For The Society Of Three Unabashed

Americanisms Like Ourselves?"

 

"That'S Just What I Wondered," Said Momma. "For You Can _See_ That She

Is Full Of Insular Prejudice Against Our Great Country. She Makes No

Attempt To Disguise It."

 

"She Never Did," I Assented.

 

"She Said It Seemed So Extraordinary--Quite Providential--Meeting

Relatives Abroad In This Way," Momma Continued,  "And She Thought We

Ought To Follow It Up."

 

"Are We Going To?" I Inquired.

 

"My Goodness Gracious No,  Love! There Are Some Things My Nerves Cannot

Stand The Strain Of,  And One Of Them Is Your Poppa'S Aunt Caroline. The

Senator Smoothed It Over. He Said He Was Sure We Were Very Much

Obliged,  But Our Time Was Limited,  And He Thought We Could Get Around

Faster Alone."

 

"Well," I Said,  "I Do Not Understand It,  Unless Dicky Has Persuaded Her

That Poppa Is To Be Our Next Ambassador To St. James'S."

 

"She Was Too Silly About Dicky," Said Momma. "She Said She Really Was

Afraid,  Before You Appeared,  That Young Mr. Dod Was Conceiving An

Attachment For Her Isabel,  Whose Affections Lay _Quite_ In another

Direction; But Now Her Mind Was Entirely At Rest. I Don'T Remember Her

Words,  She Uses So Many,  But She Was Trying To Hint That Poor Dicky Was

An Admirer Of _Yours_,  Dearest."

 

"I Fancy She Succeeded--As Far As That Goes," I Remarked.

 

"Well,  Yes,  She Made Me Understand Her. So