A Voyage Of Consolation by Sara Jeannette Duncan (most read books of all time .TXT) 📖

Was So After Two Days Of The Most Humid Civility Mrs. Portheris Had Brought

Momma Round. It Was Not An Easy Process,  Momma Had Such A Way Of Fanning

Herself And Regarding Distant Objects; And Dicky And I Observed Its

Difficulties With Great Satisfaction,  For A Family Matter Would Be The

Last Thing Anybody Would Venture To Discuss With Momma Under Such

Circumstances,  And We Very Much Preferred That Mrs. Portheris'S

Overflowing Congratulations Should Be Chilled Off As Long As Possible.

Dicky Was For Taking My Parents Into Our Confidence As A Measure Of

Preparation,  But With Poppa'S Commands Upon Me With Regard To Arthur,  I

Felt A Delicacy As To The Subject Of Engagements Generally. Besides,  One

Never Can Tell Whether One'S Poppa And Momma Would Back One Up In a

Thing Like That.

 

I Never Could Quite Understand Mrs. Portheris'S Increasingly Good

Opinion Of Us At This Point. The Senator Declared That It Was Because

Some American Shares Of Hers Had Gone Up In The Market,  But That Struck

Momma And Me As Somewhat Too General In Its Application. I Preferred To

Attribute It To The Senator'S Tariff Bill. Mr. Mafferton Brought Us The

_Times_ One Evening In Verona,  And Pointed Out With Solemn

Congratulation That The Name Of J.P. Wick Was Mentioned Four Times In

The Course Of Its Leading Article. That Journal Even Said In effect

That,  If It Were Not For The Faithfully Sustained Anti-Humorous

Character Which Had Established It For So Many Generations In The

Approbation Of The British Public,  It Would Go So Far As To Call The

Contemplated Measure "Wicked Legislation." Mr. Mafferton Could Not

Understand Why Poppa Had No Desire To Cut Out The Article. He Said There

Was Something So Interesting About Seeing One'S Name In Print--He Always

Did It. I Was Very Curious To See Instances Of Mr. Mafferton'S Name In

Print,  And Finally Induced Him To Show Them To Me. They Were Mainly

Advertisements For Lost Dogs--"Apply To The Hon. Charles Mafferton," And

The Reward Was Very Considerable.

 

But This Has Nothing To Do With The Way The Plot Thickened On The Lake

Of Como. I Was Watching Bellagio Slip Past Among The Trees On The Left

Shore And Wondering Whether We Could Hear The Nightingales If It Were

Not For The Steamer'S Engines--Which Was Particularly Unlikely As It Was

The Middle Of The Afternoon--And Thinking About The Trifles That Would

Sometimes Divide Lives Plainly Intended To Mingle. Mere Enunciation,  For

Example,  Was A Thing One Could So Soon Become Reaccustomed To; Already

Momma Had Ceased To Congratulate Me On My Broad A'S,  And I Could Not

Help The Inference That My Conversation Was Again Unobtrusively

Chicagoan. It Was Frustrating,  Too,  That I Had No Way Of Finding Out

How Much Poppa Knew,  And Extremely Irritating To Think That He Knew

Anything. He Was Sitting Near Me As I Mused,  Immersed In The American

Mail,  While Momma And His Aunt Caroline Insensibly Glided Towards

Intimacy Again On Two Wicker Chairs Close By. Mr. Mafferton Was Counting

The Luggage Somewhere; He Was Never Happy On A Steamer Until He Had Done

That; And Isabel Was Being Fervently Apologised To By Dicky On The Other

Side Of The Deck. I Hoped She Was Taking It In The Proper Spirit. I Had

The Terms All Ready In Which _I_ Should Accept An Apology,  If It Were

Ever Offered To Me.

 

 

 

"Now,  I Must Not Put Off Any Longer Telling You How Delighted I Am At

Your Dear Mamie'S Re-Engagement."

 

The Statement Reached Us All,  Though It Was Intended For Momma Only.

Even Mrs. Portheris'S More Amiable Accents Had A Quality Which

Penetrated Far,  With A Suggestion Of Whiskers. I Looked Again Languidly

At Bellagio,  But Not Until I Had Observed A Rapid Glance Between My

Parents,  Recommending Each Other Not To Be Taken By Surprise.

 

"Has She Confided In You?" Inquired Momma.

 

"No--No. I Heard It In a Roundabout Way. You Must Be Very Pleased,  Dear

Augusta. Such An Advantage That They Have Known Each Other All Their

Lives!"

 

Poppa Looked Guardedly Round At Me,  But By This Time I Was Asleep In My

Camp Chair,  The Air Was So Balmily Cool After Our Hot Rattle To Como.

 

"How _Did_ You Hear?" He Demanded,  Coming Straight To The Point,  While

Momma Struggled After Tentative Uncertainties.

 

"Oh,  A Little Bird,  A Little Bird--Who Had It From Them Both! And Much

Better,  I Said When I Heard It,  That She Should Marry One Of Her Own

Country-People. American Girls Nowadays Will So Often Be Content With

Nothing Less Than An Englishman!"

 

"So Far As That Goes," Said The Senator Crisply,  "We Never Buy Anything

We Haven'T A Use For,  Simply Because It'S Cheap. But I Don'T Mind

Telling You That My Daughter'S Re-Engagement,  On The Old American Lines,

Is A Thing I'Ve Been Wanting To Happen For Some Time."

 

"And There Are Some Really Excellent Points About Mr. Dod. We Must

Remember That He Is Still Very Young. He Has Plenty Of Time To Repair

His Fortunes. Of One Thing We May Be Sure," Continued Mrs. Portheris

Magnanimously,  "He Will Make Her A Very _Kind_ Husband."

 

At This I Opened My Eyes Inadvertently--Nobody Could Help It--And Saw

The Barometrical Change In Poppa'S Countenance. It Went Down Twenty

Degrees With A Run,  And Wore All The Disgust Of An Hon. Gentleman Who

Has Jumped To Conclusions And Found Nothing To Stand On.

 

"Oh,  You'Re Away Off There,  Aunt Caroline," He Said With Some Annoyance.

"Better Sell Your Little Bird And Buy A Telephone. Richard Dod Is No

More Engaged To Our Daughter Than The Man In The Moon."

 

"Well,  I Should Say Not!" Exclaimed Momma.

 

"I Have It On The _Best_ Authority," Insisted Mrs. Portheris Blandly.

"You American Parents Are So Seldom Consulted In These Matters. Perhaps

The Young People Have Not Told You."

 

This Was A Nasty One For Both The Family And The Republic,  And I Heard

The Senator'S Rejoinder With Satisfaction.

 

"We Don'T Consider,  In The United States,  That We'Re The Natural Bullies

Of Our Children Because We Happen To Be A Little Older Than They Are,"

He Said,  "But For All That We'Re Not In The Habit Of Hearing Much News

About Them From Outsiders. I'Ll Have To Get You To Promise Not To Go

Spreading Such Nonsense Around,  Aunt Caroline."

 

"Oh,  Of Course,  If You Say So,  But I Should Be Better Satisfied If She

Denied It Herself," Said Mrs. Portheris With Suavity. "My Information

Was So Very Exact."

 

I Had Slumbered Again,  But It Did Not Avail Me. I Heard The American

Mail Dispersing Itself About The Deck In all Directions As The Senator

Rose,  Strode Towards My Chair,  And Shook Me Much More Vigorously Than

There Was Any Necessity For.

 

"Here'S Aunt Caroline," He Said,  "Wanting Us To Believe That You And

Dicky Dod Are Engaged--You Two That Have Quarrelled As Naturally As

Brother And Sister Ever Since You Were Born. I Guess You Can Tell Her

Whether It'S Very Likely!"

 

I Yawned,  To Gain Time,  But The Widest Yawn Will Not Cover More Than Two

Seconds.

 

"What An Extraordinary Question!" I Said. It Sounds Weak,  But That Was

The Way One Felt.

 

"Don'T Prevaricate,  Mamie,  Love," Said Mrs. Portheris Sternly.

 

"I'M Not--I Don'T. But N-Nothing Of The Kind Is Announced,  Is It?" I Was

Growing Nervous Under The Senatorial Eye.

 

"Nothing Of The Kind _Exists_," Said Poppa,  The Doge All Over,  Except

His Umbrella. "Does Triumphant,  And Poppa

Allowed His Irritation To Get So Much The Better Of Him.

 

"Oh," He Said,  "You'Ve Got An Understanding! Well,  You'Ve Been Too

Intelligent,  Darned If You Haven'T!" The Senator Pulled His Beard In His

Most Uncompromising Manner. "Now You Can Understand Something More. I'M

Not Going To Have It. You Haven'T Got My Consent And You'Re Not Going To

Get It."

 

"But,  My Dear Nephew,  The Match Is So Suitable In every Respect! Surely

You Would Not Stand In The Way Of A Daughter'S Happiness When Both

Character And Position--Position In chicago,  Of Course,  But Still--Are

Assured!"

 

Poppa Paused,  Uncertain For An Instant Whether To Turn His Wrath Upon

His Aunt,  And That,  Of Course,  Was My Opportunity To Plead With My Angry

Parent. But The Knowledge That The Hopes Which Poppa Was Reducing To

Dust And Ashes Were Fervently Fixed On A Floral Hat And A Yellow Bun

Over Which He Had No Control,  On The Other Side Of The Ship,  Overcame

Me,  And I Looked At Bellagio To Hide My Emotions Instead,  In a Way Which

They Might Interpret As Obstinate,  If They Liked.

 

"Aunt Caroline," Said The Senator Firmly,  "I'Ll Thank You To Keep Your

Spoon Out Of The Preserves. My Daughter Knows Where I Have Given Her

Hand,  And That'S The Direction She'S Going With Her Feet. Mary,  I May As

Well Inform You That The Details Of Your Wedding Are Being Arranged In

Chicago This Minute. It Will Take Place Within Three Weeks Of Our

Arrival,  And It Won'T Be Any Slump. But Richard Dod Might As Well Be

Told Right Now That He Won'T Be In It,  Unless In The Capacity Of Usher.

As I Don'T Contemplate Breaking Up This Party And Making Things

Disagreeable All Round,  You'Ll Have To Tell Him Yourself. We Sail From

Liverpool"--Poppa Looked At His Watch--"Precisely One Week And Four

Hours From Now,  And If Mr. Dod Has Not Agreed To The Conditions I

Mention By That Time We Will Leave Him Upon The Shore. That'S All I Have

To Say,  And Between Now And Then I Don'T Expect You Or Anybody Else To

Have The Nerve To Mention The Matter To Me Again."

 

After That It Was Impossible To Wink At Poppa,  Or In any Way To Give Him

The Assurance That My Regard For Him Was Unimpaired. There Are Things

That Can'T Be Passed Over With A Smile In One'S Poppa Without Doing Him

Harm,  And This Was One Of Them. It Was A Regular Manifesto,  And I Felt

Exactly Like Lord Salisbury. I Couldn'T Take Him Seriously,  And Yet I

Had To Tell Him To Come On,  If He Wanted To,  And Devote His Spare Time

To Learning The Language Of Diplomacy. So I Merely Bowed With What

Magnificence I Could Command And Filed It,  So To Speak; And Walked To

The Other Side Of The Deck,  Leaving Poppa To His Conscience And Momma

And His Aunt Caroline. I Left Him With Confidence,  Not Knowing Which

Would Give Him The Worst Time. Mrs. Portheris Began It,  Before I Was Out

Of Earshot. "For An American Parent," She Said Blandly,  "It Strikes Me,

Joshua,  That You Are A Little Severe."

 

I Found Mr. Mafferton Interfering,  As I Expected,  With Dicky And Isabel

In Their Appreciation Of The West Shore. He Was Pointing Out The Villa

Carlotta At Caddenabbia,  And Explaining The Beauties Of The Sculptures

There And Dwelling On The Tone Of Blue In The Immediate Alps And

Reminding Them That The Elder Pliny Once Picked Wild Flowers On These

Banks,  And Generally Making Himself The Intelligent Nuisance That Nature

Intended Him To Be. In Spite Of It Isabel Was Radiant. She Said A Number

Of Things With The Greatest Ease; One Saw That Language,  After All,  Was

Not Difficult To Her,  She Only Wanted Practice And An Untroubled Mind. I

Looked At Dicky And Saw That A Weight Had Been Removed From His,  And It

Was Impossible To Avoid The Conclusion That Peace And Satisfaction In

This Life Would Date For These Two,  If All Went Well For The Next Few

Days,  From The Lake Of Como. But All Could Not Be Relied Upon To Go Well

So Long As Mr. Mafferton Hovered,  Quoting Claudian On The Mulberry Tree,

Upon The Brink Of A Proposal,  So I Took Him Away To Translate His

Quotation For Me In The Stern,  Which Naturally Suggested The Past And

Its Emotions. We Could Now Refer Quite Sympathetically To The Altogether

Irretrievable And Gone By,  And Mr. Mafferton Was Able To Mention Lady

Torquilan Without Any Trace Of His Air That She Was A Person,  Poor Dear,

That Brought Embarrassment With Her. Indeed,  I Sometimes Thought He

Dragged Her In. I Asked Him,  In appropriate Phrases,  Of Course,  Whether

He Had Decided To Accept Mrs. Portheris'S Daughter,  And He Fixed

Mournful Eyes Upon Me And Said He Thought He Had,  Almost. The News Of My

Engagement To Mr. Dod Had Apparently Done Much To Bring Him To A

Conclusion; He Said It Pointed So Definitely To The Unlikelihood Of His

Ever Being Able To Find A More Stimulating Companion Than Miss

Portheris,  With All Her Charms,  Was Likely To Prove. It Was Difficult,

Of Course,  To See The Connection,  But I Could Not Help Confiding To Mr.

Mafferton,  As A Secret,  That There Was Hardly Any Chance Of My Union

With Dicky--After What Poppa Had Said. When I Assured Him That I Had No

Intention Whatever Of Disobeying My Parent In a Matter Of Which He Was

So Much Better Qualified To Be A Judge Than I,  It