I Hate You (On-Hold) by Chloe Knox (best summer books .TXT) đ
- Author: Chloe Knox
Book online «I Hate You (On-Hold) by Chloe Knox (best summer books .TXT) đ». Author Chloe Knox
I heard a sigh from the other end of the phone that made the speaker crackle, âYeah? What you want?â
âNicki said that her parents wanted me over for dinner tonight, since I havenât seen them in awhile?â
âDonât beat around the bush, Tanya. Just fuckin ask what you want to ask?â My mother growled through the phone so loudly that the teacher walking by me heard it. I turned around to meet the skinny teacherâs face and I blushed as I mouthed a âhiâ. They gave me a sympathetic look, and walked away. He didnât ask me what was going on. He didnât ask me if I was okay. He just gave me a look, and walked off never once looking back.
âCan I stay for dinner at Nickiâs?â I mumbled.
There was another loud sigh that showed evidence of her being annoyed, angry; you know the norm!
âHow long are you gonna be there?â
âI donât know, nine at the latest I guess.â
âIs that boy gonna be there?â
âBoy? What boy?â
âDonât act dumb, you fucking smart-ass!â
I went agape as tears began to form. I wasnât upset, I was just that angry. She always thought I was lying to her. She always thought I was purposely being a âbitchâ. I seriously didnât know what she was talking about, and for her to call me a smart-ass because of that? Itâs so unfair! She calls me out on everything! Even stuff I never did, yet I canât say one thing to offend her or Iâm the one thatâs gets slapped in the face!
âIâm not being a smart-ass. Iâm just saying I donât know who youâre talking about!â
âThat Billie, guy? The girls brother?â
âYou mean Brandon?â
âSee? You do know him, you fucking ungrateful son of aââ
Tears began overflowing over my cheeks, my lips were quivering, my legs were shaking, and my heart was beating roughly against my chest. I couldnât breathe a steady breath; every breath I took was shaky and uncomfortable to take in.
âMom! I swear Iâm not lying! I didnât know who you were talking about until you said Nickiâs brother.â
âWhatever! Heâs gonna be there?â
âYeah, why wouldnât heââ
âAnd you still want to go?â
That caught me off guard. I was confused, and overwhelmed, and had no clue what she meant. What did she mean âYou still want to goâ? Why wouldnât I?
âYeah,â I said slowly not wanting to anger my mother, and knowing that if I said the wrong thing sheâd flip.
âSo you want to hang out with your friend even though a boy thatâs older then you is going to be there? Are you crazy? What if heââ
âMom! No! Brandon, he might be full of himself but heâs nothing like that. Besides, itâs not like Iâm sleeping over. Itâs just dinner.â
âYeah? Thatâs how they all are! You wanna know how I lost my virginity?â
âNo, mom! Donât!â
More tears began to pour from my eyes as a weird feeling hit me in my gut. I knew what was coming. I knew what she was going to say, and I didnât want to hear it. I already knew the story, and she always used it against me.
âI was drugged, Tanya! I was drugged and raped! I awoke to a fucking douche bag climbing off of my naked body, and you want to know who it was? You want to know who fucking raped me?â
âMom! Stop it!â I whispered through tears as my mother began to grow louder to the point where the lady (Miss. Ravens) in the office was staring at me. I didnât like it. It made me feel so much more uncomfortable then I all ready was, âPlease, Iâm using the school phone. The teachers can hear everything your sayingââ
âI donât give a fuck, what they hear. They can go shove it! You need to hear thisââ even though I all ready have millions of times ââI was raped by a guy who I thought was my best, and I mean BEST, friend. He took away the only innocent thing about me!â
âMom! Please!â
âSo if you want to, whatever! Got to Nickiâs! I donât care! Call me when you want your father to pick you up!â
âWait! Mom! I just want toââClick!
She hung up on me leaving me in the dark, eyes and cheeks soaked with tears and my heart full of hurt, âI love you,â I mumbled as I hung up the phone grabbed my back andâŠâAre you okay, sweetie?â
I looked up at Miss. Raven, her glasses on the tip of her pixie nose and her eyes fixed on me. I quickly wiped my wet cheeks and smiled, âExcuse me?â
âI said are you okay?â
I hesitated for a moment to swallow the wetness in the back of my mouth, âUmâŠyeah! Iâm-Iâm fine.â
Miss. Raven noddedâeven though it was clear that she knew I was lyingâand pushed her glasses back up to her eyes, âWellâŠhave a good dayâŠâ
With a smile I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the schoolâs office, but the moment I passed through the door and into the empty school hall way I again began to cry.
Chapter Six: Leave Me Alone
Brandonâs P.O.V.
âTanya told me about how you read her sketchpadâŠâ
I looked up at my little sister from my laptop and rolled my eyes, âSoâŠâ
âShe also told me how you said she should see a shrinkââ
âI was just trying to help herââ
âAnd you seriously think telling her to see a shrink was the best thing? I mean, really Brandon? The first thing that pops into her head when you say shrink is crazy! So now not only is she depressed, she thinks sheâs crazy! Why couldnât you just let her be?â
I was starting to feel a bit angry. I shut my laptop and stood up, to stand over her, âWhy arenât you trying to help her?â I glared down on her hoping sheâd back down. I never like fighting with Nicki, but she needs to see that Iâm not wrong this time.
I was very surprised and impressed, though, when she didnât back down like she usually did, âI am trying to help her!â
âNo youâre not! Youâre sitting there and letting your best friend suffer in silence! How can you live with yourself knowing that youâre not doing anything to help her? At least I tried to talk to her and tell her what I thought would be good for her!â
Tears made her eyes go glassy, but she didnât let them fall over her cheeks. She held them in, and I couldnât help but feel guilty for making her feel that way. I just couldnât control my angerâŠI donât even know what exactly Iâm so angry about. I swear sometimes I think that boys have non-official periods too.
âI have talked to her! I have told her what I thought was best! But thereâs nothing I can do! All of her emotions and the cutting? I donât understand them! I wish I could help her, and I have triedâŠbut I just canât.â
There was a very long silence as I watched my sister cry. Never once had I even thought how she was feeling.
Nicki, she was always obnoxiously loud and happy. She was always laughing or being a goof-ball. Sheâs never, EVER been depressedâŠso how was she supposed to help Tanya? How am I supposed to?
âWhat do you do thenâŠ?â
Nicki giggled through her tears as she wiped her wet cheeks, âI ignore it.â
âYou ignore her pain? Thatâs how you help her?â My anger was rekindling, but her response confused me so much that the anger disappeared as quickly as it had come.
âYup.â
There was another long silence before she continued, âI donât ask her about her pain. I donât even ever mention the scars and cuts. I just ignore them. When she comes to me upset I embrace her, encourage her to get all her feelings outâŠand then we got out to the park, or we go rollerblading, or to the moviesâŠI do whatever I can to get her mind off of whatever it is that upset her. I do whatever I can to make her laugh.â
I thought for a while about what my sister was saying. And to me what she said made sense. It would never take away her hurt, or her emotional traumaâŠbut Tanya could be herself and have fun for a while. No worried, no regrets, just her and Nicki.
âBrandon, I know you like herââ
âI donât likeââ
âDonât even try it.â I shut my mouth immediately and listened to my sister, âI might be younger and more gullible then you, but Iâm still your little sister. I still know you. I knew you liked her the day I brought her home for the first time. Thatâs why you ignored her, correct? At first she seemed like just another annoying pest, but then you got to know her a bit. Then you started dating Natalie and youâre too big of a horn dog to control yourself.â
I shot her a glare as I crossed my arms.
âRelax, Iâm just saying.â
âJust get on with it already, Nicole!â
âLike I was saying, I know you like herâŠbut you need to understand that the last thing she needs is more heartbreak. Donât start anything with her unless you know for absolute sure that youâre not going to be a complete jerk and you need to be sure that you just donât like her because of her cute ass and face.
âYou need to be able to stand up for her against your friends and you need to be able to deal with the rumors that would be spread if you hung out with her.â
âYes, Dr. Phil!â I sighed as I hoped back onto my bed.
âIâm serious, Brandon! If you start stuff with her and then toss her off your shoulder a few weeks later because youâre tired of her, youâre just going to make her even more depressed.â
The realization of all my past girlfriends suddenly hit me. Becky, Jamie, Rebecca, Natalie? All of them, I likedâŠfor about a month tops. Each one I had dated because of their looks, not because I liked their personalities. And when I was bored, Iâd just throw them away. Would I just end up doing the same to Tanya?
Tanyaâs P.O.V.
Tears were pouring down my eyes as I listened through Brandonâs closed bedroom door. I could hear everything he and Nicki were saying. EVERYTHING!
I never realized that Nicki was hurting a bit herself. I never realized that she felt guilty about not being able to comfort me
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