A KNIGHT OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY by Edward Payson Roe (world of reading .txt) 📖

Ill, And After A Moment

Added, Half In soliloquy, "What Would She Do Without Laura?"

 

 

 

From This He Gathered that The Young Girl Was A Loving Daughter And A

Faithful Nurse, And The Image Of A Pale, Yet Lovely Watcher Rose Before

Him With Dangerous Frequence And Distinctness.

 

 

 

A Day Or Two After He Received a Note From Mrs. Arnot, Informing Him

That She Was About To Leave Home For A Visit To Her Invalid Sister, And

Might Be Absent Several Weeks. Her Surmise Proved correct, And When She

Returned laura Came With Her, And The Deep Mourning Of The Orphan'S

Dress But Faintly Reflected the Darker Sorrow That Shrouded her Heart.

When, A Few Sabbaths After Her Arrival, Her Veiled figure Passed up The

Aisle Of The Church, He Bowed his Head In as Sincere Sympathy As One

Person Can Give For The Grief Of Another.

 

 

 

For A Long Time He Did Not Venture To Call On Mrs. Arnot, And Then Came

Only At Her Request. To His Great Relief, He Did Not See Laura, For He

Felt That, Conscious Of Her Great Loss And The Memories Of The Past, He

Should Be Speechless In her Presence. To Mrs. Arnot He Said:

 

 

 

"Your Sorrow Has Seemed to Me Such A Sacred thing That I Felt That Any

Reference To It On My Part Would Be Like A Profane Touch; But I Was Sure

You Would Not Misinterpret My Silence Or My Absence, And Would Know That

You Were Never Long Absent From My Thoughts."

 

 

 

He Was Rewarded by The Characteristic Lighting Up Of Her Face As She

Said:

 

 

 

"Hillaton Would Scarcely Give You Credit For Such Delicacy Of Feeling,

Egbert, But You Are Fulfilling My Faith In you. Neither Have I Forgotten

You And Your Knightly Conflict Because I Have Not Seen Or Written To

You. You Know Well That My Heart And Hands Have Been Full. And Now A

Very Much Longer Time Must Elapse Before We Can Meet Again. In her

Devotion To Her Mother My Niece Has Overtaxed her Strength, And Her

Physical And Mental Depression Is So Great That Our Physician Strongly

Recommends A Year Abroad. You Can See How Intensely Occupied i Have Been

In Preparations For Our Hurried departure. We Sail This Week. I Shall

See Your Mother, No Doubt, And I Am Glad I Can Tell Her That Which I

Should Be Proud To Hear Of A Son Of Mine."

 

 

 

The Year That Followed was A Long One To Haldane. He Managed to Keep The

Even Tenor Of His Way, But It Was Often As The Soldier Makes His Weary

March In the Enemy'S Country, Fighting For And Holding, Step By Step,

With Difficulty. His Intense Application In his First Year Of Study And

The Excitements Of The Previous Years At Last Told Upon Him, And He

Often Experienced days Of Extreme Lassitude And Weariness. At One Time

He Was Quite Ill, And Then He Realized how Lonely And Isolated he Was.

He Still Kept His Quarters At The Hermitage, But Mr. Growther, With The

Kindest Intentions, Was Too Old And Decrepit To Prove Much Of A Nurse.

 

 

 

In His Hours Of Enforced idleness His Imagination Began To Retouch The

Shadowy Image Of Laura Romeyn With An Ideal Beauty. In his Pain And

Weakness Her Character Of Watcher--In Which Her Self-Sacrificing

Devotion Had Been So Great As To Impair Her Health--Was Peculiarly

Attractive. She Became To Him A Pale And Lovely Saint, Too Remote And

Sacred for His Human Love, And Yet Sufficiently Human To Continually

Haunt His Mind With A Vague And Regretful Pain That He Could Never Reach

Her Side. He Now Learned from Its Loss How Valuable Mrs. Arnot'S Society

Had Been To Him. Her Letters, Which Were Full And Moderately Frequent,

Could Not Take The Place Of Her Quiet Yet Inspiriting Voice.

 

 

 

He Was Lonely, And He Recognized the Fact. While There Were Hundreds Now

In Hillaton Who Wished him Well, And Respected him For His Brave

Struggle, He Was Too Shadowed by Disgraceful Memories To Be Received

Socially Into The Homes That He Would Care To Visit. Some Of The Church

People Invited him Out Of A Sense Of Duty, But He Recognized their

Motive, And Shrank From Such Constrained courtesy With Increasing

Sensitiveness.

 

 

 

But, Though He Showed human Weakness And Gave Way To Long Moods Of

Despondency, At Times Inclining To Murmur Bitterly At His Lot, He

Suffered no Serious Reverses. He Patiently, Even In the Face Of Positive

Disinclination, Maintained his Duties. He Remembered how Often The

Divine Man, In his Shadowed life, Went Apart For Prayer, And Honestly

Tried to Imitate This Example, So Specially Suited to One As Maimed and

Imperfect As Himself.

 

 

 

He Found That His Prayers Were Answered, That The Strong Friend To Whom

He Had Allied his Weakness Did Not Fail Him. He Was Sustained through

The Dark Days, And His Faith Eventually Brought Him Peace And Serenity.

He Gained in patience And Strength, And With Better Health Came Renewed

Hopefulness.

 

 

 

Although Not A Brilliant Student, He Was Able To Complete His University

Course And Graduate With Credit. He Then Took The First Vacation That He

Had Enjoyed for Years, And, Equipping Himself With Fishing-Rod And A Few

Favorite Authors, He Buried himself In the Mountains Of Maine.

 

 

 

His Prison And Mission Classes Missed him Sadly. Mr. Growther Found That

He Could No Longer Live A Hermit'S Life, And Began In good Earnest To

Look For The "Little, Peaked-Faced chap" That Had Grown To Be More And

More Of A Reality To Him; But The Rest Of Hillaton Almost Forgot That

Haldane Had Ever Existed.

 

 

 

In The Autumn He Returned, Brown And Vigorous, And Entered upon His

Studies At The Medical School Connected with The University With Decided

Zest. To His Joy He Found A Letter From Mrs. Arnot, Informing Him That

The Health Of Her Niece Was Fully Restored, And That They Were About To

Return. And Yet It Was With Misgivings That He Remembered that Laura

Would Henceforth Be An Inmate Of Mrs. Arnot'S Home. As A Memory, However

Beautiful, She Was Too Shadowy To Disturb His Peace. Would This Be True

If She Had Fulfilled all The Rich Promises Of Her Girlhood, And He Saw

Her Often?

 

 

 

With A Foreboding Of Future Trouble He Both Dreaded and Longed to See

Once More The Maiden Who Had Once So Deeply Stirred his Heart, And Who

In The Depths Of His Disgrace Had Not Scorned him When Accidentally

Meeting Him In the Guise And At The Tasks Of A Common Laborer.

 

 

 

It Was With A Quickened pulse That He Read In the "Spy" One Monday

Evening, That Mrs. Arnot And Niece Had Arrived in town. It Was With A

Quicker Pulse That He Received a Note From Her A Few Days Later Asking

Him To Call That Evening, And Adding That Two Or Three Other Young Men

Whom He Knew To Be Her Especial Favorites Would Be Present.

 

 

 

Because Our Story Has Confined itself Chiefly To The Relations Existing

Between Haldane And Mrs. Arnot, It Must Not Be Forgotten That Her Active

Sympathies Were Enlisted in behalf Of Many Others, Some Of Whom Were

Almost Equally Attached to Her And She To Them.

 

 

 

After A Little Thought Haldane Concluded that He Would Much Prefer That

His First Interview With Laura Should Be In the Presence Of Others, For

He Could Then Keep In the Background Without Exciting Remark.

 

 

 

He Sincerely Hoped that When He Saw Her He Might Find That Her Old Power

Over Him Was A Broken Spell, And That The Lovely Face Which Had Haunted

Him All These Years, Growing More Beautiful With Time, Was But The

Creation Of His Own Fancy. He Was Sure She Would Still Be Pretty, But If

That Were All He Could Go On His Way Without A Regretful Thought. But If

The Shy Maiden, Whose Half-Entreating, Compassionate Tones Had

Interrupted the Harsh Rasping Of His Saw Years Ago, Were The Type Of The

Woman Whom He Should Meet That Evening, Might Not The Bitterest

Punishment Of His Folly Be Still Before Him?

 

 

 

He Waited till Sure That The Other Guests Had Arrived, And Then Entered

To Meet, As He Believed, Either A Hopeless Thraldom Or Complete

Disenchantment.

 

 

 

As He Crossed the Threshold Of The Parlor The Pleasure Of Seeing Mrs.

Arnot Again, And Of Receiving Her Cordial Greeting, Obliterated all

Other Thoughts From His Mind.

 

 

 

He Had, However, But A Moment'S Respite, For The Lady Said:

 

 

 

"Laura, My Friend Mr. Haldane."

 

 

 

He Turned and Saw, By Actual Vision, The Face That In fancy He Had So

Often Looked upon. It Was Not The Face That He Expected to See At All.

The Shy, Blue-Eyed maiden, Who Might Have Reminded one Of A Violet Half

Hidden Among The Grass, Had Indeed vanished, But An Ordinary Pretty

Woman Had Not Taken Her Place.

 

 

 

He Felt This Before He Had Time To Consciously Observe It, And Bowed

Rather Low To Hide His Burning Face; But She Frankly Held Out Her Hand

And Said, Though With Somewhat Heightened color Also:

 

 

 

"Mr. Haldane, I Am Glad To Meet You Again."

 

 

 

Then, Either To Give Him Time To Recover Himself, Or Else, Since The

Interruption Was Over, She Was Glad To Resume The Conversation That Had

Been Suspended, She Turned to Her Former Companions. Mrs. Arnot Also

Left Him To Himself A Few Moments, And By A Determined effort He Sought

To Calm The Tumultuous Riot Of His Blood. He Was Not Phlegmatic On Any

Occasion; But Even Mrs. Arnot Could Not Understand Why He Should Be So

Deeply Moved by This Meeting. She Ascribed it To The Painful And

Humiliating Memories Of The Past, And Then Dismissed his Manner From Her

Mind. He Speedily Gained self-Control, And, As Is Usual With Strong

Natures, Became Unusually Quiet And Undemonstrative. Only In the Depths

Of His Dark Eyes Could One Have Caught A Glimpse Of The Troubled spirit

Within, For It Was Troubled with A Growing Consciousness Of An Infinite

Loss.

 

Chapter XLVI (Misjudged)

The Young Men Who Were Mrs. Arnot'S Guests Were Naturally Attracted to

Laura'S Side, And She Speedily Proved that She Possessed the Rare Power

Of Entertaining Several Gentlemen At The Same Time, And With Such Grace

And Tact As To Make Each One Feel That His Presence Was Both Welcome And

Needed in the Circle.

 

 

 

Mrs. Arnot Devoted herself To Haldane, And Showed how Genuine Was Her

Interest In him By Taking Up His Life Where His Last Letter Left It, And

Asking about All That Had Since Occurred. Indeed, With Almost A Mother'S

Sympathy, She Led him To Speak Of The Experiences Of The Entire Year.

 

 

 

"It Seems To Me," He Said, "That I Have Scarcely More Than Held My

Ground."

 

 

 

"To Hold One'S Ground, At Times Requires More Courage, More Heroic

Patience And Fortitude, Than Any Other Effort We Can Make. I Have Been

Told That Soldiers Can Charge Against Any Odds Better Than They Can

Simply And Coolly Stand Their Ground. But I Can See That You Have Been

Making Progress. You Have Graduated with Honor. You Are Surely Winning

Esteem And Confidence. You Have Kept Your Faith In god, And Maintained

Your Peculiar Usefulness To A Class That So Few Can Reach: Perhaps You

Are Doing More Good Than Any Of Us, By Proving That It Is A Fact And Not

A Theory That The Fallen Can Rise."

 

 

 

"You Are In the World, But Not Of It," He Said; And Then, As If Anxious

To Change The Subject, Asked. "Did You See My Mother?"

 

 

 

Although Mrs. Arnot Did Not Intend It, There Was A Slight Constraint In

Her Voice And Manner As She Replied: "Yes, I Took Especial Pains To See

Her Before I Returned, And Went Out Of My Way To Do So. I Wished to

Assure Her How Well You Were Doing, And How Certain You Were To Retrieve

The Past, All Of Which, Of Course, She Was Very Glad To Hear."

 

 

 

"Did She Send Me No Message?" He Asked, Instinctively Feeling That

Something Was Wrong.

 

 

 

"She Said That She Wrote To You Regularly, And So, Of Course, Felt That

There Was No Need of Sending any Verbal Messages."

 

 

 

"Was