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child was utterly feral; how the smug guffaws would rain over her while Titi feigned a state of mildly amusing exasperation...

 

Jack had a file on Titi. They both liked Caravan, Egg, Steve Hillage, Weezer, Pavement, Mudhoney, and 30 Seconds to Mars[to feel youthful, one should add...]ā€¦Jack had been masturbating over her negatives some years before he had met Freya. Titi occasionally adapted other works for corruption exercises under the tutelage of Papus. She had been banned from the internet after her first internet postings told people of the suicide-resurrection trick; and her sacrificial offerings to Belial had caused some muted confusion...

 

ā€¦These exploits had got blocked before it went totally viral and people all over the world started to resurrect themselves out of sheer boredomā€¦A person films themself spilling milk over themselves in random places or smearing other foodstuffs upon their nubile geek-bodies; this was conveniently covered up for the C.O.G.; resurrection tricks are not always in the same category as these flash-in-the-pan fadsā€¦

 

Jack, with dried ejaculate still on his hands, a cactus in the microwave, decided to look at Titiā€™s photographs in more detail. Titi Titbull [a.k.a Elaine Pettifer] looked like a woman with a serious narcotic problem. Her physical presence was that of a twelve year old with the face of a forty year old chain-smoker. She chain-smoked Death cigarettes, as if her body had become an artistic temple to death. As a result she had shrivelled breasts and donned the clothes of a stereotypical ā€œbeatnikā€...The beat always went on for her, though..

 

It didn't look good for Titi, thought Jack. She looked just like death ā€“ after death had died, of course. Her matted bleached hair and her dedication to pop-faddism and death trickery made her dangerous to all society. Jack always wanted to give her a special dedication. She didn't do real pop-culture; this made her dangerous to the C.O.G. system checkā€¦Can you control those who always go solo?...Capitalism needs to keep failing but the social constraints and population controls need to remainā€¦

 

ā€¦Titi had sold herself too many times to realize what she was doing was pretty crazy. She hadn't hacked her mum ā€“ apart from over those wrong trainers a year ago - but she had cursed most of her family with zombosisā€¦.The word ā€˜Zombieā€™ comes from ā€˜Zumbiā€™, a word that derives from the Congoā€¦[I found that out off the side of a ceral box...] Apparently, Zombosis still remains undefined: possibly a strange state of decomposing psychosis that affects the victim as they watch endless reality TV...It was close to total psychosis; however, Jack personally preferred total hypnosis. He also missed Flora Fidgetā€¦It cannot be as dramatic as turning into a gigantic penis and testiclesā€¦

 

...What happened to those infected with zombosis was this: they would lock themselves in their homes and do nothing apart from watching various images in their minds, constantly repeating them again and again, until they decomposed. It was known in some dimensions as the Self-Inflicted Image Coma [S.I.I.C.]. This was a common curse and a bit amateurish of Titi. All these casual mind tricks have time delays so you can't always tell how long they will lastā€¦

 

Jack made the mistake of mis-understanding genetic science: Jack was already mutating and had been blissfully unaware of it for years. He had always felt strange; not many people enjoy snacking on fresh tumours. But all these quirks had been made worse by failed cases. He hated being a failure. Jack had got stronger and smarter; he garnered more influence among dodgy police officers and wannabe politicians. It wasn't his fault he had got quite good at the dark arts of doing people over.

 

**

 

Trogger used a past-scape to get into Jack's past; he had to get into Jackā€™s mental[ist] closet. Jack remembered seeing Trogger at these strange events Freya took him to. She had got pregnant deliberately as part of a ritual with Titi to create a super-biological entity. Jack was needed as the donor. It was all free of charge, of course...The seeds...The spices...The spores...The problem was he had been mutating for a very long time...His gigantic zombie sperm needed to be house trained. I hate that too, and they slime everything up - don't they?ā€¦

 

This freaked Freya out. She was unable to cope with Jack decomposing on her. It didn't seem fair. Titi thought she had miscalculated the ritual and it had exacted revenge upon Jack Slack. Titi went into hiding, determined to find a form of stasis to protect her future self. Freya was distraught and decided to lose herself in a hedonistic world; one where Jack would never find her. Jack didn't care anymore; he just wanted to help out Elisedee. He just wanted to be rememberedā€¦ 

 

3. Slack's Private File:The Classified Hiatusā€¦

 

ā€¦Jack Slack was a puny man, although normally he was of average weight, he had recently thinned to such a worrying state; he was looking like Jack Pumpkin-Head. His thin arms and legs looked as if they would snap in the wind; his penis had fattened and was slowly shrinking inside his body, and he had not brushed his teeth for a few years either, so he had greenish Johnny Rotten-style teeth as a result. Jack hated brushing his teeth. Oddly for Jack, bi-curious partners enjoyed this characteristic quirkā€¦Pennis style...

 

It was safe to say he was probably skipping his meals, too. Trogger was sent a pzi-path file on Jack. Sudden bursts of knowledge filled Trogger's clouded brain. Jack Slack had worked with a journalist who had had an industrial accident with toxic waste. He didn't know if Gamussi Rubello still lived. Trogger tried to relive Jack Slack's experiences. This was how he viewed it:

 

In 2001, Jack Slack had been cut off, despite being given a generous severance package(which Jack had spent most of this money on various things, the usual stream of substantial substances, processed foods, including some mushrooms, plant food, bath salts and whatever else he was able to get his hands onā€¦). He was burnt out and his days of investigative journalism for local papers were probably behind him. He should have stuck to charity stories or selling advert space.

 

By 2005, ambitionā€™s cold grasp had firmly groped Jack Slack. He had never been ambitious, but he was starting to become more self-interested. He wanted to be someone, as in Somebody Important. Slack was never satisfied and used more of his severance package to further his clandestine ventures under the guise of private law protectionism. He was no trust fund baby. Jack dreamed of being that powerful man. One day he thought he would be able to pull in enough favours. This also marked Slack as a marked man. Slack realized everyone got a V.I.P. these daysā€¦

 

By September 2009, Slack was nothing more than a hired thug, hacker, assassin and blackmailer. A bit of a Jack-Of-All-Trades, one might say...He had become a fixer for local villains, paying off police, blackmailing them and duping them. He gained some credibility in certain influential business circles, largely connected to vast corporations.

 

Jack Slack offered a confidential service and mastered the arts of blackmail and industrial espionage from his mentor, Quire Cockmoore, a legendary investigator who vanished into the void of the Obsidian Phoenix's Pool of Time...It's lucky he had the Sword of Adonai with him....Slack didn't hear anything more from his precious Cockmoore.  

 

Slack's journalist comrade, Gamussi Rubello, had more of a social conscious, although Jack Slack claimed to have developed one after Rubello's apparent demise. Time really whizzed by. Slack was putrefying, and stasis beckonedā€¦

 

ā€¦By January 2241, Slack had completed a C.O.G stasis programme on a colony called Tedd 92-26. By sheer chance, he had been offered freelance work by Professor Norkgrub. It was fortunate his stasis ended and he had decided to meet his astral appointment commitments.

 

Trogger sensed all this, using his slight telepathic ability. In his mind, he tried to speak to the dead Rubello. Rubello nodded at Trogger; Rubello was a balding little man with a moustache like Paul Von Hindenburg's. Rubello's tired nod confirmed to Trogger that Jack's experiences were verified and not totally imagined.

 

During this time Jack Slack had fainted, a gooey mess of blood-bone and purple puss. Trogger scooped up Jack Slack and placed him on the table. It was rumoured amongst the old ones that Trogger thought some dirty thoughts about penetrating Jack Slack's mutating form, then Trogger realized he was here on Earth to help these new life forms. Muto-sex-evo-majik-pzionix needed to be resisted for this time. He was C.O.G., after all.

 

Jack slowly opened his blood filled eyes, as Trogger pointed to his C.O.G. Tattoo on his chest. He was an Old One after all. Trogger only wore a dirty loincloth that had been worn for so long it had attached itself to his skin; hair and a strange mucus mould secured it there. Trogger didn't mind. He sometimes let his gigantic genitals hang out every few thousand years or so.

 

The shock of seeing Trogger's gigantic genitals might have killed Jack. He was so fragile and tried to sleep on the hard table. It was a bit awkward. And the offices opposite must have seen a strange sight of a zombie Homo erectus leaning over a decomposing man. The pus was not the main problem; the man was rapidly decomposing.

 

Trogger needed to assist this queer mutation. Jack's hair was turning to maggots. He might be Trogger's next C.O.G. partner. Jack Slack was mutating so rapidly, dying in front of Trogger, but gaining more life-force, his eyes sparking blood red fire. This must be the freelance private eye and occasional co-worker known and codenamed as ā€œGumzomā€. Jack Slack had no idea his transformation was a vital one for the C.O.G. They were damned to work with him in this form and not as Jack Slack. He had not always been a hill-dweller, playing little games, forgetting worlds or peopleā€¦He was sick of going insaneā€¦ Gumzom's other codename was ā€˜Lighterā€™. Their driver and pilot, the aged Tommy Tellman was ā€˜Gate Keeperā€™. Trogger's was ā€˜Mr Motivatorā€™. Professor Norkgrub, their attorney, philo-pathologist and pseudo-science guru, always used the codename ā€˜Codename Jonasā€™. It was a bit cheeky, I have to admit that. He definitely wasn't a brother anymore.

 

The transformation was badly timed, unfortunately for those involved, as those foul Blood-Harpies attacked the office. Demonic laughter was heard, filtering all around them. It wasn't the blood-harpies fault; maybe some unknown demonic force was testing Trogger and Jack Slack.

 

It was probably their bosses. Blood-Harpies loved blood. They weren't exactly harpies, just giant mutated bacteria that was able to fly at wraith like speeds. Their feeler fangs were able to drain most things, though.

 

Another door opened from the floor; the zoophyte- known as Professor Norkgrub -entered the fray.

 

"Thank you, boys!" Professor Norkgrub shouted. "You two need some back up, I believe. I don't mind a bit of support service schmoozing, but let him freak out and muto-up, so we can survive the time-test. You know me, people, I'm easy. These blood-harpies are a bit stressy though, they should watch the cortisol. You know it's bad!"

 

Norkgrub wouldn't shut up. It was his major problem. For a plant-based entity, he tended to go on and on...It was what academics were famed for...Apparently, the wild-eyed[cloud free] zoophyte went on to become a cult academicā€¦

 

4. The Reptilian Republican Agent

 

ā€¦It was bloody. Norkgrub had his shiny seed-shooter ready; Trogger fired his blood-gun at the Blood Harpies as they tried to absorb the genetic manna from his evo-devo-muto-blood. They exploded, as it was too much for the daft Blood Harpies to absorb. Norkgrub's seeds turned the Blood Harpies into crystalline statue-beasts. Slack writhed around in pain. He wanted to help... His mind was melting...Trogger passed Slack his spare blood-gun, but Slack was unable to hold itā€¦He was evaporating...Slack had always liked cold fresh air...

 

Log 5

 

You have to give us back up - we need more manna here, I need powerful celestial manna; I think I might be evaporating again...Steamy goop not applicable, I hasten to add...

 

Log 234

 

I have lost my logs; I

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