A Confession by Leo Nikoleyevich Tolstoy (best way to read e books TXT) 📖

real world of ours with all its suns

and milky way is nothing.”

 

“Vanity of vanities”, says Solomon — “vanity of vanities — all is vanity.

What profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun? One

generation passeth away, and another generation commeth: but the earth

abideth for ever… . The thing that hath been, is that which shall be;

and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new

thing under the sun. Is there anything whereof it may be said, See, this is

new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us. there is no

remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of

things that are to come with those that shall come after. I the Preacher was

King over Israel in Jerusalem. And I gave my heart to seek and search out by

wisdom concerning all that is done under heaven: this sore travail hath God

given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith. I have seen all the

works that are done under the sun; and behold, all is vanity and vexation of

spirit… . I communed with my own heart, saying, Lo, I am come to great

estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me

over Jerusalem: yea, my heart hath great experience of wisdom and knowledge.

And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I

perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. For in much wisdom is much

grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

 

“I said in my heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, therefore

enjoy pleasure: and behold this also is vanity. I said of laughter, It is

mad: and of mirth, What doeth it? I sought in my heart how to cheer my flesh

with wine, and while my heart was guided by wisdom, to lay hold on folly,

till I might see what it was good for the sons of men that they should do

under heaven the number of the days of their life. I made me great works; I

builded me houses; I planted me vineyards; I made me gardens and orchards,

and I planted trees in them of all kinds of fruits: I made me pools of

water, to water therefrom the forest where trees were reared: I got me

servants and maidens, and had servants born in my house; also I had great

possessions of herds and flocks above all that were before me in Jerusalem:

I gathered me also silver and gold and the peculiar treasure from kings and

from the provinces: I got me men singers and women singers; and the delights

of the sons of men, as musical instruments and all that of all sorts. So I

was great, and increased more than all that were before me in Jerusalem:

also my wisdom remained with me. And whatever mine eyes desired I kept not

from them. I withheld not my heart from any joy… . Then I looked on all

the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured

to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no

profit from them under the sun. And I turned myself to behold wisdom, and

madness, and folly… . But I perceived that one even happeneth to them

all. Then said I in my heart, As it happeneth to the fool, so it happeneth

even to me, and why was I then more wise? then I said in my heart, that this

also is vanity. For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the

fool for ever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be

forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool. Therefore I hated life;

because the work that is wrought under the sun is grievous unto me: for all

is vanity and vexation of spirit. Yea, I hated all my labour which I had

taken under the sun: seeing that I must leave it unto the man that shall be

after me… . For what hath man of all his labour, and of the vexation of

his heart, wherein he hath laboured under the sun? For all his days are

sorrows, and his travail grief; yea, even in the night his heart taketh no

rest. this is also vanity. Man is not blessed with security that he should

eat and drink and cheer his soul from his own labour… . All things come

alike to all: there is one event to the righteous and to the wicked; to the

good and to the evil; to the clean and to the unclean; to him that

sacrificeth and to him that sacrificeth not; as is the good, so is the

sinner; and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an oath. This is an evil in

all that is done under the sun, that there is one event unto all; yea, also

the heart of the sons of men is full of evil, and madness is in their heart

while they live, and after that they go to the dead. For him that is among

the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion. For

the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing,

neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten.

also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither

have they any more a portion for ever in any thing that is done under the

sun.”

 

So said Solomon, or whoever wrote those words. [7]

 

And this is what the Indian wisdom tells:

 

Sakya Muni, a young, happy prince, from whom the existence of sickness, old

age, and death had been hidden, went out to drive and saw a terrible old

man, toothless and slobbering. the prince, from whom till then old age had

been concealed, was amazed, and asked his driver what it was, and how that

man had come to such a wretched and disgusting condition, and when he learnt

that this was the common fate of all men, that the same thing inevitably

awaited him — the young prince — he could not continue his drive, but gave

orders to go home, that he might consider this fact. So he shut himself up

alone and considered it. and he probably devised some consolation for

himself, for he subsequently again went out to drive, feeling merry and

happy. But this time he saw a sick man. He saw an emaciated, livid,

trembling man with dim eyes. The prince, from whom sickness had been

concealed, stopped and asked what this was. And when he learnt that this was

sickness, to which all men are liable, and that he himself — a healthy and

happy prince — might himself fall ill tomorrow, he again was in no mood to

enjoy himself but gave orders to drive home, and again sought some solace,

and probably found it, for he drove out a third time for pleasure. But this

third time he saw another new sight: he saw men carrying something. ‘What is

that?’ ‘A dead man.’ ‘What does dead mean?’ asked the prince. He was told

that to become dead means to become like that man. The prince approached the

corpse, uncovered it, and looked at it. ‘What will happen to him now?’ asked

the prince. He was told that the corpse would be buried in the ground.

‘Why?’ ‘Because he will certainly not return to life, and will only produce

a stench and worms.’ ‘And is that the fate of all men? Will the same thing

happen to me? Will they bury me, and shall I cause a stench and be eaten by

worms?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Home! I shall not drive out for pleasure, and never will so

drive out again!’

 

And Sakya Muni could find no consolation in life, and decided that life is

the greatest of evils; and he devoted all the strength of his soul to free

himself from it, and to free others; and to do this so that, even after

death, life shall not be renewed any more but be completely destroyed at its

very roots. So speaks all the wisdom of India.

 

These are the direct replies that human wisdom gives when it replies to

life’s question.

 

“The life of the body is an evil and a lie. Therefore the destruction of the

life of the body is a blessing, and we should desire it,” says Socrates.

 

“Life is that which should not be — an evil; and the passage into

Nothingness is the only good in life,” says Schopenhauer.

 

“All that is in the world — folly and wisdom and riches and poverty and

mirth and grief — is vanity and emptiness. Man dies and nothing is left of

him. And that is stupid,” says Solomon.

 

“To life in the consciousness of the inevitability of suffering, of becoming

enfeebled, of old age and of death, is impossible — we must free ourselves

from life, from all possible life,” says Buddha.

 

And what these strong minds said has been said and thought and felt by

millions upon millions of people like them. And I have thought it and felt

it.

 

So my wandering among the sciences, far from freeing me from my despair,

only strengthened it. One kind of knowledge did not reply to life’s

question, the other kind replied directly confirming my despair, indicating

not that the result at which I had arrived was the fruit of error or of a

diseased state of my mind, but on the contrary that I had thought correctly,

and that my thoughts coincided with the conclusions of the most powerful of

human minds.

 

It is no good deceiving oneself. It is all — vanity! Happy is he who has not

been born: death is better than life, and one must free oneself from life.

 

[7] Tolstoy’s version differs slightly in a few places from our own

Authorized or Revised version. I have followed his text, for in a letter to

Fet, quoted on p. 18, vol. ii, of my “Life of Tolstoy,” he says that “The

Authorized English version [of Ecclesiastes] is bad.’—A.M.

VII

Not finding an explanation in science I began to seek for it in life, hoping

to find it among the people around me. And I began to observe how the people

around me — people like myself — lived, and what their attitude was to this

question which had brought me to despair.

 

And this is what I found among people who were in the same position as

myself as regards education and manner of life.

 

I found that for people of my circle there were four ways out of the

terrible position in which we are all placed.

 

The first was that of ignorance. It consists in not knowing, not

understanding, that life is an evil and an absurdity. People of this sort

— chiefly women, or very young or very dull people — have not yet understood

that question of life which presented itself to Schopenhauer, Solomon, and

Buddha. They see neither the dragon that awaits them nor the mice gnawing

the shrub by which they are hanging, and they lick the drops of honey. but

they lick those drops of honey only for a while: something will turn their

attention to the dragon and the mice, and there will be an end to their

licking. From them I had nothing to learn — one cannot cease to know what

one does know.

 

The second way out is epicureanism. It consists, while knowing