Mr. Rabbit at Home by Joel Chandler Harris (good books to read for adults TXT) 📖
- Author: Joel Chandler Harris
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“Now, the funny thing about that hog-killing business,” continued Mr. Rabbit, leaning back in his chair and smacking his lips together, as old people will do sometimes, “was that, after the hogs were killed, Mr. Man had to get their hair off. I don’t know how people do now, but that was what Mr. Man did then. He had to get the hair off—but how? Well, he piled up wood, and in between the logs he placed rocks and stones. Then he dug a hole in the ground and half buried a hogshead, the open end tilted up a little higher than the other end. This hogshead he filled with as much water as it would hold in that position. Then he set fire to the pile of wood. As it burned, of course the rocks would become heated. These Mr. Man would take in a shovel and throw in the hogshead of water. The hot rocks would heat the water, and in this way the hogs were scalded so the hair on their hides could be scraped off.
“Well, the day I’m telling you about, Mr. Man had been killing hogs and scalding the hair off. When I got there the pile of wood had burned away, and Mr. Man had just taken his hogs home in his wagon. The weather was very cold, and as I stood there warming myself I heard Brother Lion roaring a little way off. He had scented the fresh meat, and I knew he would head right for the place where the hogs had been killed.
“Now, Brother Lion had been worrying me a good deal. He had hired Brother Wolf to capture me, and Brother Wolf had failed. Then he hired Brother Bear, and Brother Bear got into deep trouble. Finally he hired Brother Fox, and I knew the day wasn’t far off when Mrs. Fox would have to hang crape on her door and go in mourning. All this had happened some time before, and I bore Brother Lion no good will.
“So, when I heard him in the woods singing out that he smelled fresh blood, I grabbed the shovel the man had left, and threw a dozen or so hot rocks in the hogshead, and then threw some fresh dirt on the fire. Presently Brother Lion came trotting up, sniffing the air, purring like a spinning wheel a-running, and dribbling at the mouth.
“I passed the time of day with him as he came up, but kept further away from him than he could jump. He seemed very much surprised to see me, and said it was pretty bad weather for such little chaps to be out; but I told him I had on pretty thick underwear, and besides that I had just taken a hot bath in the hogshead.
“‘I’m both cold and dirty,’ says he, smelling around the hogshead, ‘and I need a bath. I’ve been asleep in the woods yonder, and I’m right stiff with cold. But that water is bubbling around in there mightily.’
“‘I’ve just flung some rocks in,’ says I.
“‘How do you get in?’ says he.
“‘Back in,’ says I.
“Brother Lion walked around the hogshead once or twice, as if to satisfy himself that there was no trap, and then he squatted and began to crawl into the hogshead backwards. By the time his hind leg touched the water, he pulled it out with a howl, and tried to jump away, but, somehow, his foot slipped off the rim of the hogshead, and he soused into the water—kerchug!—up to his shoulders.”
Mr. Rabbit paused, shut his eyes, and chuckled to himself.
YOU NEVER HEARD SUCH HOWLING SINCE YOU WERE BORN
“Well, you never heard such howling since you were born. Brother Lion scrambled out quicker than a cat can wink her left eye, and rolled on the ground, and scratched around, and tore up the earth considerably. I thought at first he was putting on and pretending; but the water must have been mighty hot, for while Brother Lion was scuffling around, all the wool on his body came off up to his shoulders, and if you were to see him to-day you’d find him just that way.
“And more than that—before he soused himself in that hogshead of hot water, Brother Lion used to strut around considerably. Being the king of all the animals, he felt very proud, and he used to go with his tail curled over his back. But since that time, he sneaks around as if he was afraid somebody would see him.
“There’s another thing. His hide hurt him so bad for a week that every time a fly lit on him he’d wiggle his tail. Some of the other animals, seeing him do this, thought it was a new fashion, and so they began to wiggle their tails. Watch your old house cat when you go home, and you will see her wiggle her tail forty times a day without any reason or provocation. Why? Simply because the other animals, when they saw Brother Lion wiggling his tail, thought it was the fashion; and so they all began it, and now it has become a habit with the most of them. It is curious how such things go.
“But the queerest thing of all,” continued Mr. Rabbit, leaning back in his chair, and looking at Mrs. Meadows and the children through half-closed eyes, “was this—that the only wool left on Brother Lion’s body, with the exception of his mane, was a little tuft right on the end of his tail.”
“How was that?” inquired Mrs. Meadows.
Mr. Rabbit laughed heartily, but made no reply.
“I don’t see anything to laugh at,” said Mrs. Meadows with some emphasis. “A civil question deserves a civil answer, I’ve always heard.”
“Well, you know what you said a while ago,” remarked Mr. Rabbit.
“I don’t know as I remember,” replied Mrs. Meadows.
“Why, you said pointedly that it was not necessary to tell everything in a story.” Mr. Rabbit made this remark with great dignity. “And I judged by the way you said it that it was bad taste to tell everything.”
“Oh, I remember now,” said Mrs. Meadows, laughing. “It was only one of my jokes.”
“But this is no joke,” protested Mr. Rabbit, winking at the children, but keeping the serious side of his face toward Mrs. Meadows. “I took you at your solemn word. Now there is a tuft of wool on Brother Lion’s tail, and you ask me how it happened to be there. I answer you as you answered me—’You don’t have to tell everything in a story.’ Am I right, or am I wrong?”
“I’ll not dispute with you,” remarked Mrs. Meadows, taking up her knitting.
“I don’t mind telling you,” remarked Mr. Rabbit, turning to the children with a confidential air. “It was as simple as falling off a log. When Brother Lion fell into the hogshead of hot water, the end of his tail slipped through the bunghole.”
This explanation was such an unexpected one that the children laughed, and so did Mrs. Meadows. But Mr. Thimblefinger, who had put in an appearance, shook his head and remarked that he was afraid that Mr. Rabbit got worse as he grew older, instead of better.
BROTHER LION HAS A SPELL OF SICKNESS.
“The fact is,” remarked Mr. Rabbit, “I was just telling the story—if you can call it a story—to please company. If you think the end of Brother Lion’s tale is the end of the story, well and good; but it didn’t stop there when I told it in my young days. And it didn’t stop there when it happened. But maybe I’ve talked too long and said too much. You know how we gabble when we get old.”
“I like to hear you talk,” said Sweetest Susan, edging a little closer to Mr. Rabbit and smiling cutely.
Mr. Rabbit took off his glasses and wiped them on his big red handkerchief.
“There’s some comfort in that,” he declared. “If you really like to hear me talk, I’ll go right ahead and tell the rest of the story. It’s a little rough in spots, but you’ll know how to make allowances for that. The creatures had claws and tushes, and where these grow thick and long, there’s bound to be more or less scratching and biting.
“Of course, when Brother Lion had the wool scalded off his hide, he was in a pretty bad condition. He managed to get home, but it was a long time before he could come out and go roaming around the country. As he was the king of the animals, of course all the rest of the creatures called on him to see how he was getting on. I didn’t go myself, because I didn’t know how he felt towards me. I was afraid he had heard me laugh when he backed into the hogshead of hot water, though I made believe I was sneezing. Consequently, I didn’t go and ask him how he was getting on.
“But I went close enough to know that Brother Fox had told Brother Lion a great rigamarole about me. That was Brother Fox’s way. In front of your face, he was sweeter than sauce and softer than pudding, but behind your back—well, he didn’t have any claws, but what tushes he had he showed them.
“I never did hear what Brother Fox said about me in any one place and at any one time, but I heard a little here and a little there, and when it was all patched up and put together it made a great mess. I had done this, and I had done that; I had laughed at Brother Lion behind his back, and I had snickered at him before his face; I had talked about him and made fun of him; and, besides all that, I had never had the politeness to call on him.
“All the other animals found Brother Lion so willing to listen that they learned Brother Fox’s lies by heart, and went and recited them here and there about the country; and in that way I got hold of the worst of them. The trouble with Brother Fox was that he had an old grudge against me. He had been trying to outdo me for many a long year, but somehow or other he always got caught in his own trap. He had a willing mind and a thick head, and when these get together there’s always trouble. The willing mind pushes and the thick head goes with its eyes shut.
“In old times, people used to say that Brother Fox was cunning, but I believe they’ve quit that since the facts have come to light. My experience with him is that he is blessed with about as much sense as a half-grown guinea pig. He’s a pretty swift runner, but he doesn’t even know when the time comes to run.
“Of course, when Brother Fox found out that for some reason or other I wasn’t visiting Brother Lion, he seized the chance to talk about me, and it wasn’t such a great while before he managed to make Brother Lion believe that I was the worst enemy he had and the cause of all his trouble.
“I knew pretty well that something of the sort was going on, for every time I’d meet any of the other animals, they’d ask me why I didn’t call and see Brother Lion. Brother Fox, especially, was anxious to know why I hadn’t gone to ask after Brother Lion’s health.
“I put them all off for some time, until finally one day I heard that Brother Lion had given
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