The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain (desktop ebook reader TXT) 📖

own hands during the meal, and he did not doubt

that he had done a most improper and unprincely thing. At that moment

the muscles of his nose began to twitch, and the end of that organ to

lift and wrinkle. This continued, and Tom began to evince a growing

distress. He looked appealingly, first at one and then another of the

lords about him, and tears came into his eyes. They sprang forward with

dismay in their faces, and begged to know his trouble. Tom said with

genuine anguish—

 

“I crave your indulgence: my nose itcheth cruelly. What is the custom

and usage in this emergence? Prithee, speed, for ‘tis but a little time

that I can bear it.”

 

None smiled; but all were sore perplexed, and looked one to the other in

deep tribulation for counsel. But behold, here was a dead wall, and

nothing in English history to tell how to get over it. The Master of

Ceremonies was not present: there was no one who felt safe to venture

upon this uncharted sea, or risk the attempt to solve this solemn

problem. Alas! there was no Hereditary Scratcher. Meantime the tears

had overflowed their banks, and begun to trickle down Tom’s cheeks. His

twitching nose was pleading more urgently than ever for relief. At last

nature broke down the barriers of etiquette: Tom lifted up an inward

prayer for pardon if he was doing wrong, and brought relief to the

burdened hearts of his court by scratching his nose himself.

 

His meal being ended, a lord came and held before him a broad, shallow,

golden dish with fragrant rosewater in it, to cleanse his mouth and

fingers with; and my lord the Hereditary Diaperer stood by with a napkin

for his use. Tom gazed at the dish a puzzled moment or two, then raised

it to his lips, and gravely took a draught. Then he returned it to the

waiting lord, and said—

 

“Nay, it likes me not, my lord: it hath a pretty flavour, but it wanteth

strength.”

 

This new eccentricity of the prince’s ruined mind made all the hearts

about him ache; but the sad sight moved none to merriment.

 

Tom’s next unconscious blunder was to get up and leave the table just

when the chaplain had taken his stand behind his chair, and with uplifted

hands, and closed, uplifted eyes, was in the act of beginning the

blessing. Still nobody seemed to perceive that the prince had done a

thing unusual.

 

By his own request our small friend was now conducted to his private

cabinet, and left there alone to his own devices. Hanging upon hooks in

the oaken wainscoting were the several pieces of a suit of shining steel

armour, covered all over with beautiful designs exquisitely inlaid in

gold. This martial panoply belonged to the true prince—a recent present

from Madam Parr the Queen. Tom put on the greaves, the gauntlets, the

plumed helmet, and such other pieces as he could don without assistance,

and for a while was minded to call for help and complete the matter, but

bethought him of the nuts he had brought away from dinner, and the joy it

would be to eat them with no crowd to eye him, and no Grand Hereditaries

to pester him with undesired services; so he restored the pretty things

to their several places, and soon was cracking nuts, and feeling almost

naturally happy for the first time since God for his sins had made him a

prince. When the nuts were all gone, he stumbled upon some inviting

books in a closet, among them one about the etiquette of the English

court. This was a prize. He lay down upon a sumptuous divan, and

proceeded to instruct himself with honest zeal. Let us leave him there

for the present.

 

Chapter VIII. The question of the Seal.

 

About five o’clock Henry VIII. awoke out of an unrefreshing nap, and

muttered to himself, “Troublous dreams, troublous dreams! Mine end is now

at hand: so say these warnings, and my failing pulses do confirm it.”

Presently a wicked light flamed up in his eye, and he muttered, “Yet will

not I die till HE go before.”

 

His attendants perceiving that he was awake, one of them asked his

pleasure concerning the Lord Chancellor, who was waiting without.

 

“Admit him, admit him!” exclaimed the King eagerly.

 

The Lord Chancellor entered, and knelt by the King’s couch, saying—

 

“I have given order, and, according to the King’s command, the peers of

the realm, in their robes, do now stand at the bar of the House, where,

having confirmed the Duke of Norfolk’s doom, they humbly wait his

majesty’s further pleasure in the matter.”

 

The King’s face lit up with a fierce joy. Said he—

 

“Lift me up! In mine own person will I go before my Parliament, and with

mine own hand will I seal the warrant that rids me of—”

 

His voice failed; an ashen pallor swept the flush from his cheeks; and

the attendants eased him back upon his pillows, and hurriedly assisted

him with restoratives. Presently he said sorrowfully—

 

“Alack, how have I longed for this sweet hour! and lo, too late it

cometh, and I am robbed of this so coveted chance. But speed ye, speed

ye! let others do this happy office sith ‘tis denied to me. I put my

Great Seal in commission: choose thou the lords that shall compose it,

and get ye to your work. Speed ye, man! Before the sun shall rise and

set again, bring me his head that I may see it.”

 

“According to the King’s command, so shall it be. Will’t please your

majesty to order that the Seal be now restored to me, so that I may forth

upon the business?”

 

“The Seal? Who keepeth the Seal but thou?”

 

“Please your majesty, you did take it from me two days since, saying it

should no more do its office till your own royal hand should use it upon

the Duke of Norfolk’s warrant.”

 

“Why, so in sooth I did: I do remember … What did I with it?… I

am very feeble … So oft these days doth my memory play the traitor

with me … ‘Tis strange, strange—”

 

The King dropped into inarticulate mumblings, shaking his grey head

weakly from time to time, and gropingly trying to recollect what he had

done with the Seal. At last my Lord Hertford ventured to kneel and offer

information—

 

“Sire, if that I may be so bold, here be several that do remember with me

how that you gave the Great Seal into the hands of his highness the

Prince of Wales to keep against the day that—”

 

“True, most true!” interrupted the King. “Fetch it! Go: time flieth!”

 

Lord Hertford flew to Tom, but returned to the King before very long,

troubled and empty-handed. He delivered himself to this effect—

 

“It grieveth me, my lord the King, to bear so heavy and unwelcome

tidings; but it is the will of God that the prince’s affliction abideth

still, and he cannot recall to mind that he received the Seal. So came I

quickly to report, thinking it were waste of precious time, and little

worth withal, that any should attempt to search the long array of

chambers and saloons that belong unto his royal high—”

 

A groan from the King interrupted the lord at this point. After a little

while his majesty said, with a deep sadness in his tone—

 

“Trouble him no more, poor child. The hand of God lieth heavy upon him,

and my heart goeth out in loving compassion for him, and sorrow that I

may not bear his burden on mine old trouble-weighted shoulders, and so

bring him peace.”

 

He closed his eyes, fell to mumbling, and presently was silent. After a

time he opened his eyes again, and gazed vacantly around until his glance

rested upon the kneeling Lord Chancellor. Instantly his face flushed with

wrath—

 

“What, thou here yet! By the glory of God, an’ thou gettest not about

that traitor’s business, thy mitre shall have holiday the morrow for lack

of a head to grace withal!”

 

The trembling Chancellor answered—

 

“Good your Majesty, I cry you mercy! I but waited for the Seal.”

 

“Man, hast lost thy wits? The small Seal which aforetime I was wont to

take with me abroad lieth in my treasury. And, since the Great Seal hath

flown away, shall not it suffice? Hast lost thy wits? Begone! And hark

ye—come no more till thou do bring his head.”

 

The poor Chancellor was not long in removing himself from this dangerous

vicinity; nor did the commission waste time in giving the royal assent to

the work of the slavish Parliament, and appointing the morrow for the

beheading of the premier peer of England, the luckless Duke of Norfolk.

{1}

 

Chapter IX. The river pageant.

 

At nine in the evening the whole vast river-front of the palace was

blazing with light. The river itself, as far as the eye could reach

citywards, was so thickly covered with watermen’s boats and with

pleasure-barges, all fringed with coloured lanterns, and gently agitated

by the waves, that it resembled a glowing and limitless garden of flowers

stirred to soft motion by summer winds. The grand terrace of stone steps

leading down to the water, spacious enough to mass the army of a German

principality upon, was a picture to see, with its ranks of royal

halberdiers in polished armour, and its troops of brilliantly costumed

servitors flitting up and down, and to and fro, in the hurry of

preparation.

 

Presently a command was given, and immediately all living creatures

vanished from the steps. Now the air was heavy with the hush of suspense

and expectancy. As far as one’s vision could carry, he might see the

myriads of people in the boats rise up, and shade their eyes from the

glare of lanterns and torches, and gaze toward the palace.

 

A file of forty or fifty state barges drew up to the steps. They were

richly gilt, and their lofty prows and sterns were elaborately carved.

Some of them were decorated with banners and streamers; some with cloth-of-gold and arras embroidered with coats-of-arms; others with silken

flags that had numberless little silver bells fastened to them, which

shook out tiny showers of joyous music whenever the breezes fluttered

them; others of yet higher pretensions, since they belonged to nobles in

the prince’s immediate service, had their sides picturesquely fenced with

shields gorgeously emblazoned with armorial bearings. Each state barge

was towed by a tender. Besides the rowers, these tenders carried each a

number of men-at-arms in glossy helmet and breastplate, and a company of

musicians.

 

The advance-guard of the expected procession now appeared in the great

gateway, a troop of halberdiers. ‘They were dressed in striped hose of

black and tawny, velvet caps graced at the sides with silver roses, and

doublets of murrey and blue cloth, embroidered on the front and back with

the three feathers, the prince’s blazon, woven in gold. Their halberd

staves were covered with crimson velvet, fastened with gilt nails, and

ornamented with gold tassels. Filing off on the right and left, they

formed two long lines, extending from the gateway of the palace to the

water’s edge. A thick rayed cloth or carpet was then unfolded, and laid

down between them by attendants in the gold-and-crimson liveries of the

prince. This done, a flourish of trumpets resounded from within. A

lively prelude arose from the musicians on the water; and two ushers with

white wands marched with a slow and stately pace from the portal. They

were followed by an officer