Dating & Courtship by Stephen Picklesimer (autobiographies to read TXT) 📖

13:23)—and the last place to ever offer suggestions of almost any kind is on the first couple of dates. Possible relationships can be ruined in an instant if this advice is ignored. The only time to do this is much later—and then only when solicited.
Focus first dates on the principles discussed in the previous chapter instead of trying to “quiz” the other person. Both parties will enjoy a date much more if they can get to know the other person. This objective is almost non-existent in dating today. Try to make this a goal in your dates, and, as explained, choice of environment must be conducive to conversation.
As also mentioned earlier, some feel it is impossible to understand the opposite sex. As you have seen, this is simply not true. Dating should be a time to get to know how the opposite sex thinks. Be sure to be open with each other without prying or probing into personal matters.
It is essential, especially to girls, to feel comfortable on a date. Always strive to make your date feel comfortable, whether in a group or one-on-one setting. Ask questions about the other person and be genuinely interested in the answers—this opens people up, and puts them at ease. Continually strive to cultivate a cheerful, thoughtful attitude. It will enable you to enjoy yourself more, and it will provide your date with a pleasant experience.
Are You a Good Date?
In life, there are optimists and pessimists, and which of these roles you choose will make an enormous difference in whether you and your partner enjoy the date. Strive to enter dates anticipating a good time. Be enthusiastic (but with sincerity)! It will leave a great impression on all those you date. Keep the BIG PICTURE in mind—always remembering that there is much more to a date than sensual pleasure.
Of course, if you practice the first goal of each date—to make sure the other(s) have a good time—this will certainly classify you as a “good date.” Be considerate of others. Ask them what they would like to do, or what they would like to talk about. (Again take note, men—you must be willing to take the lead when necessary.)
A good date begins with how you prepare for it—and your dress speaks volumes about what kind of date you will be—and what kind of person you are.
People are generally slaves to fashion. In the past, this included trying to look as wholesome and clean-cut as possible. Modern trends virtually require people to spend hours before a mirror carefully creating an unkempt look. The goal—especially among men, but very much including women—appears to have become one that seeks to look TERRIBLE!—baggy pants, worn too long, too low and without belts, over-sized shirts, unpleasant colors designed to clash, wild, though carefully contrived, hairdos, often covered in grease, with unshaven face, tattoos, body piercings, ostentatious jewelry (and in too many places), and clunky, unflattering or untied shoes.
This “fashion” trend has been established almost entirely by rock stars and big-city youth street gangs, who try to maximize a kind of “shock factor” appearance, which is designed to draw attention to themselves. Many strive to be known for how different they look—from anyone else on planet earth!
The hidden goal in such dress, yet it is discussed openly by the millions who practice it, centers around trying to stun others with styles that can only be described as outrageous, repulsive, even grotesque—seeing who can go the furthest and look the worst. Amazingly, many people actually think they look good at the end of the process!
Be careful WHO you are copying. While being a slave to fashion is never good, following modern trends is taking a bad practice and turning it into something worse—a foolish, degrading, time-consuming, expensive and usually sensual practice that results in an awful finished product!
On the other hand, while you should always try to look your best, it is wrong to approach your appearance with “I must look drop-dead-gorgeous” or “Hollywood handsome,” done also to get maximum attention. This represents the other ditch. Your perspective should be to present—give—the other person a neat, clean and well-kept appearance.
Also strive to be polite and respectful through both words and actions. Remember again. Everyone can improve in their manners. Therefore, learn more. It will bring a level of CLASS to the date that will make it more enjoyable—and memorable!
Asking for a Date
There is a correct way to ask for a date—and a variety of ways not to do this.
For instance, if you are organizing a group date—and pre-planning is important—the opinion of others involved could be helpful. So often, teens want to do something together, but they gather and do NOTHING!—usually ending up just “hanging out.” At the very least, nothing is accomplished, and this generally leads to trouble, which often is all that is “accomplished.”
Be sure to plan something before you go out. Dating is a constructive, mentally stimulating and fun activity when done properly—loitering around late-night convenience stores, malls, diners or in parking lots does not equate with beneficial group dating!
If you have progressed to one-on-one dating, how should you ask for a date? First, the man should initiate the request. But he should be organized and purposeful—the initiation should generally not happen by chance or be driven by convenience only.
The first few times a man asks for a date may involve some anxiety. But view it as an opportunity to grow in courage and leadership (characteristics sorely lacking in men today).
The Role of Religious Belief
The question of religious belief, and/or affiliation, plays an enormous role in determining whom you should date. In fact, it is the very STARTING POINT of whom you should even consider dating.
The general principle for those in God’s Church is to not spend a lot of time with those in “the world” (Jms. 4:4). Further, Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk TOGETHER except they be agreed?” The answer is a resounding “No!” God states plainly, “Be you not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (II Cor. 6:14). This passage offers no exceptions to the rule.
Christians must avoid every circumstance that involves extensive fellowship with those of different beliefs. This includes business partnerships, clubs and organizations involving fellowship agreements—and, obviously, this instruction is inseparable from the very personal activity of dating and courtship, which could, and generally will, quite literally, lead to being “yoked together”—MARRIED!—to an “unbeliever.” Actually, one who has God’s Spirit—who has been baptized and converted—is prohibited from even dating one who does not. (Also note Romans 8:9 and 14.)
Those who are young, and beginning to group date, could, on rare occasion and under very special circumstances, go out with a group of wholesome, decent friends when it involves a school activity.
Let me repeat a previous point for emphasis to explain why you should be very careful here. There was once a time when people spoke of those who “got in with the wrong crowd.” There has always been a certain “wrong crowd” in every school, and in every society and every age. But things have radically changed, and not for the better. Again, today, the wrong crowd has generally become the only crowd. Clean, wholesome friends are very few and far between. If you have even one true friend, you are rare.
Understand! Your friends—good or bad—will influence you. Even the best of friends will have a completely different set of priorities than any who are striving to live God’s Way. Their thinking is in no way geared toward God or His Church. Therefore, be extremely cautious if you do choose to occasionally group date with those of different belief, and allow your parents to be the final arbiter of whether the “exception” you want to make is really an exception.
Again, if you choose to date those of different beliefs, they will influence you. Remember, your mind is already naturally hostile against God (Rom. 8:7). While they may not set out to purposely influence you, it will slowly happen with time. God realizes—and this is why He gives His instruction—that you will eventually be pulled away from Him into disobeying His laws.
Ignoring II Corinthians 6:14, some point to I Corinthians 7:14—“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy”—and argue that this verse justifies Christians getting married to the unconverted.
This passage has nothing to do with dating or courting! The context is a believing HUSBAND or WIFE who was called into the truth after the couple were already married. In such cases, God made the decision to call only one marriage partner into His Church, and the automatic result was an unbelieving mate.
In all matters involving religious belief, be certain that you use great discretion. If you feel God may be calling a person into the truth, seek counsel with your parents or a minister before dating. However, be careful you are not deceiving yourself into thinking that the person is about to “join the Church.” While this virtually never happens, many fall into this self-deception.
“But Our Beliefs Are Similar!”
A more complicated question arises. In this age, many of even those who are true Christians have compromised their religious beliefs, having grown confused or lukewarm on many doctrines they once understood. In such cases, when contemplating marriage, the same principles apply as above. If the person in whom you are interested does not believe the full truth of God as you do, you are in disagreement with him or her, and you still cannot walk together. Potential marriages between such people would still involve at very least a partial unequal yoking together. The fact that this may be to a lesser degree is irrelevant.
Make yourself come to grips with and admit this reality!
Grasp this all-important point. The true Christianity of the Bible is far more than just “one’s religion.” Real Christianity is lived 24 hours a day, seven days a week! It touches on every facet of life—the truth about the afterlife and the nature of salvation, whether or not God’s Law should be kept (including certain annual Holy Days, along with God’s Sabbath—and various pagan holidays that should not be kept), the Bible’s many financial laws, its various dietary laws, the role of husbands and wives in marriage, the nature of God, understanding of prophecy, matters having to do with health and healing, the truth of what is the gospel…and much, much more!
There is a related understanding that applies here, and it is intrinsic to virtually every marriage. The Bible teaches that there are principles of correct childrearing—and they are almost diametrically the opposite of what society believes and permits. Proper childrearing is a full-time job, and it involves both parents nurturing the children in a UNIFIED way.
If you decide to marry one who holds merely similar beliefs—but not truly the same beliefs—you ensure that your children will grow up exposed to subtle nuances and influences reflecting different beliefs, invariably practiced by what must be a less committed spouse. Those even considering marriage to one of different beliefs have very wrong priorities. Because of what prophecy reveals, more is at stake here than meets the eye!
Do not dismiss religion as merely “something that can be worked out.” God expressly forbids His true servants from marrying those of different beliefs—yet this instruction is one of His truths that many people ignore. While certain other differences can be worked out, religious differences—where the truth of the Bible is concerned—cannot. This is the last area in which you should attempt to compromise—to “work things out.”
Other than the rare exception already addressed, dating outside your beliefs or apart from those who are converted should never be done.