A Cowboy in Tibet by Mike Burns (romantic books to read .TXT) đ
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statue breakinâ up into dozens of fragments, which all burst into flame on their long trip to the bottom.
âThe Chinaman stared himself for several moments, fascinated like everybody else when he saw that stone could burn. Then he pulled hisself together, and got everâbody movinâ again, to get their minds off it. He knew his own porters were superstitious, too, and didnât want âem gettinâ cold feet and refusinâ to go on.
âNext thing you know, a woman come ridinâ around a bend in the trail, on a black and white horse with a deathâs-head on his forehead, out from behind the far side of the mountain, holdinâ a Gatling gun openinâ up on the column. The Gatlinâ mowed down everâbody but Grandpa Elphick, anâ him standinâ there and starinâ in horror. Also, not one horse was harmed, not a-one scratched. They all stood there lookinâ all placid anâ dopey.
âThe woman looked normal enough, except that the heavy-yarn coat she was wearinâ had eight arms insteadâa two, but only two hands cominâ out of two sleeves. She came to a halt not five feet from him, blew the smoke away from the barrel of her Gatlinâ (or all eight barrels, I should say!), and spoke to Granpa Elphick. It was a voice like yâ might hear from a sawmill all made out of ice, with icy saw-blades cuttinâ through blocks of ice. It was a terrible sound, he said, but through it all he could hear words in English, unmistakable words. She said somethinâ like this:
â âYou! You know what just happened! You know I am Palden Lhamo, and I just killed the blasphemers! I knew all about your plans to kidnap the Ocean of Wisdom! I also know you are a farrierâŠMr. Elphick!âŠAND I know you had a blue-tick hound named Lucas when you were ten! You had forgotten that yourself, didnât you?!â â
âWell, this had Grandpa Elphick as scared and as thoroughly convinced as any man that ever lived. He hadnât mentioned Lucas to anybody durinâ this whole trip, hadnât mentioned him to ANYBODY, ANYWHERE for years, hadnât even thought about him, like theâŠgoddess, yes thatâs what she must be--like she had said. Her knowledge was supernatural, no way around it! Anâ I think that goddess knew he was scared and convinced now, âcause now she got to the point of sparinâ him and talkinâ to him.
â âYou will all go on, and perform a different mission nowâŠâ â
â âHow, lady?â â Grandpa Elphick said. â âYâ killed everâbody but me!â â
âThen he looked around and saw all the dead risinâ back up, with blood rapidly-dryinâ up, with their faces all ghostly-white with a kinda green tinge to it, wearinâ new expressions, way-different than what the original men wore. These were, like, HER followers, just borrowinâ these menâs bodies. They was all lookinâ straight at Grandpa Elphick, anâ givinâ him these leerinâ smiles that just about made him crawl outta his skin. Tremblinâ, he looked back at Palden Lhamo, She was wearinâ her own face now, one more horrible than the Gorgon in that Greek myth I toldjya the last time you was here. A face that looked like the cause of all the illness and insanity in the world, with room to spare!â
At this point, the boysâ mother intervened again. âGrandpa, theyâre not gonna be able to sleep tonight! Tone it down a little, PLEASE?â
The old man laughed, and replied, âAll right, Ella, Iâll edit things a little better. I promise. â Then he looked to the boys for support. âYâall wanna hear more?â
âYESSIR!â the boys declared in one voice.
âOkay,â todayâs Grandpa Elphick said, and continued. âThe goddess said that the new job that Grandpa Elphick and his new âco-workersâ had was to use their guns (includinâ the Gatling) to rob the monasteries and convents of the Red Hats. See, the Red Hats taught things that were different from what the Ocean of Wisdom and his followers taught. The Ocean of Wisdom and his followers were called the Yellow Hats.
âGrandpa Elphick told me that the difference between âem didnât amount to a hill of beans--that the color of their hats was probably the REAL reason they was feudinâ--but anyway the goddess said that her pal, Strong Lightning, a god, was a guardian of the Ocean of Wisdom anâ the wisdom âa the Yellow Hats, and that HE didnât want the Yellow Hats to get misguided anâ start leaninâ too much on what the Red Hats taught, anâ he, Strong Lightninâ, the god who was friend to the goddess, HE thought that robbinâ the Red Hat monasteries of their gold was the way to do it. The gold could be used to build a whole new city, with a monastery bigger than any in the world, bigger ân even the ones in the city of Rasa, The Place of Goats.
âSO, with Granpa Elphick in tow, this armyâa the dead went to robbinâ all the Red Hat monasteries and the villages and cities nearby, and a-killinâ everâbody that stood in their way. Theyâd ride in, with some of the porters dismountinâ and goinâ to work on the doors of the monasteries with axes anâ dynamite, and once the doors was open, theyâd run in with their six-shooters blazinâ, or sometimes theyâd even just ride in, in the bigger monasteries, the ones with the main street wide enough for six horses to ride abreast--ride in, shootinâ who ever got in their way, strippinâ gold from chapels and storerooms and vaults, desecratinâ idols with bullets and fire.
âThey saved up bags anâ bags of gold, enough gold that it took a thousand horses to carry it all--horses that they stole from the Red Hat monasteries and the nearby towns anâ villages that supported âem. Anâ then this army of dead men and horses, weighed down with gold and plugginâ everyâthing that moved with their .45s, they all came to the place where the goddess Palden Lhamo and the god Strong Lightning said they would build the new city with the biggest Yellow Hat monasteries of all.
âIt was a lake, biggerân the Great Salt Lake, one with islands scattered over it, and the biggest one, the one in the very middle oâ the lake, that was where the city would be built. It had a big natural harbor anâ fresh water streams that came down from springs in the islandâs highest hills, and even land on the south sideâa the island where you could grow barley and wheat.
âAnyway, when the army came to the shore of the lake, anâ saw this island, and Palden Lhamo announced her plans for it, she sent Grandpa Elphick and the zombie who used to be the Chinee middleman and four others in a canoe made of yak-hides across the water to see the place. The goddess herself went along for the ride, totinâ her Gatling with her.
âWell, who should they run into on the island, but the Tibetan who originally hired the Chinaman to kidnap the Ocean of Wisdom. See, heâd been followinâ the Chinaman and his army from afar, anâ he knew the Chinaman wasnât after the Ocean of Wisdom anymore, and heâd been waitinâ for a place to ambush him, and the island was the perfect place, once he realized from his spies that there was where they was headin.â
âHe and his people had muzzle-loaders anâ matchlocks insteadâa six-shooters, but they had good position, anâ knew all the good places to shoot from, beinâ as theyâd been to the island before, and used it to hole up in, since everâbody else was too superstitious about the place to go out there--till now! ANâ they had the advantage of numbers. There was only a handful of people with Grandpa Elphick and the Chinaman and the goddess in the canoe, remember.
âOthers tried to come out to the island on other yak-hide canoes, but the robbers with the muzzle-loaders had the range on âem, and picked âem off from the high places in the rocks theyâd hid out in. Anâ they kept pourinâ fire down onto the beach, where Grandpa Elphick and his little party was hunkered down behind their canoe, and scarcely darinâ to raise up high enough to shoot their pistols, with their shorter ranges.
âWell, Palden Lhamo got sick and tired oâ this, but good, and decided she was gonna fight this thing HER way.
âSo, she turned into a bag of wind, carryinâ the smallpox and the anthrax anâ the rabies anâ the cholera anâ the plague, and about six or seven other diseases, and the bag oâ wind had sword blades anâ spear blades anâ Gatling gunsâ barrels stickinâ out from it like some flyinâ hedgehog, shootinâ and slashinâ and spreadinâ disease that killed men instantly, and all of a sudden it looked like the end for the robbers that wanted to kidnap the Ocean of Wisdom, and looked like victory for Grandpa Elphickâs bunch. Not that he was all that happy about it, yâ understand? Even if they won, heâd still be stuck with âem, and he couldnât come home as long as he was in that goddessâs army.
âAnâ Strong Lightninâ, the god-partner of Palden Lhamo, he was makinâ a hullaballoo, and ran across the waterâŠâ
âOh, like Jesus and Peter?â prompted Chad III.
âWellâŠâ the old man hesitated, then restated things. âThatâs a little bit of an exaggeration, yâ understand. See, there was REALLY this bridge, madeâa rainbows, that formed in front of Strong Lightning as he went across. Anâ he got to the beach, and started throwinâ his gold hat in the air, and singinâ and dancinâ to beat the band.
âAnâ the goddess Palden Lhamo said a long spell, in a sing-song way, anâ this city and a big temple in the middle of it, they appeared on top of the mountain, anâ the streams cominâ down from the spring were all of a sudden flowinâ with wine, and gold, and pearls. Anâ Grandpa Elphick was gettinâ sadder anâ sadder, thinkinâ how heâd never get away, and never get back to his sweetheart--my great-great grandmother, and YOUR great-great-great-great grandmother, and thatâs how things stood just then.
âAll of a sudden, there was an earthquake, anâ the mountain fell apart in four peaces, one to each corner of the compass, anâ the city of Palden Lhamo with its great temple fell into the fissure that opened up inside the mountain, anâ a new mountain sprouted up, and on its peak was a church made of golden glass, sparklinâ in the noon-day sun, and from its main doors, a man in a black cassock came, anâ he walked on down the steps, like a thousand steps, in a stairway that reached all the way down to the beach. It took him awhile to get there, but nobody moved or got impatient. âCause they were all riveted on this man, everâbody waitinâ to see what he would do or what he would say.
âHe said to âem all, âWelcome. I am Prester John. This is my kingdom.â
âWell, with that, Palden Lhamo and the whole army
âThe Chinaman stared himself for several moments, fascinated like everybody else when he saw that stone could burn. Then he pulled hisself together, and got everâbody movinâ again, to get their minds off it. He knew his own porters were superstitious, too, and didnât want âem gettinâ cold feet and refusinâ to go on.
âNext thing you know, a woman come ridinâ around a bend in the trail, on a black and white horse with a deathâs-head on his forehead, out from behind the far side of the mountain, holdinâ a Gatling gun openinâ up on the column. The Gatlinâ mowed down everâbody but Grandpa Elphick, anâ him standinâ there and starinâ in horror. Also, not one horse was harmed, not a-one scratched. They all stood there lookinâ all placid anâ dopey.
âThe woman looked normal enough, except that the heavy-yarn coat she was wearinâ had eight arms insteadâa two, but only two hands cominâ out of two sleeves. She came to a halt not five feet from him, blew the smoke away from the barrel of her Gatlinâ (or all eight barrels, I should say!), and spoke to Granpa Elphick. It was a voice like yâ might hear from a sawmill all made out of ice, with icy saw-blades cuttinâ through blocks of ice. It was a terrible sound, he said, but through it all he could hear words in English, unmistakable words. She said somethinâ like this:
â âYou! You know what just happened! You know I am Palden Lhamo, and I just killed the blasphemers! I knew all about your plans to kidnap the Ocean of Wisdom! I also know you are a farrierâŠMr. Elphick!âŠAND I know you had a blue-tick hound named Lucas when you were ten! You had forgotten that yourself, didnât you?!â â
âWell, this had Grandpa Elphick as scared and as thoroughly convinced as any man that ever lived. He hadnât mentioned Lucas to anybody durinâ this whole trip, hadnât mentioned him to ANYBODY, ANYWHERE for years, hadnât even thought about him, like theâŠgoddess, yes thatâs what she must be--like she had said. Her knowledge was supernatural, no way around it! Anâ I think that goddess knew he was scared and convinced now, âcause now she got to the point of sparinâ him and talkinâ to him.
â âYou will all go on, and perform a different mission nowâŠâ â
â âHow, lady?â â Grandpa Elphick said. â âYâ killed everâbody but me!â â
âThen he looked around and saw all the dead risinâ back up, with blood rapidly-dryinâ up, with their faces all ghostly-white with a kinda green tinge to it, wearinâ new expressions, way-different than what the original men wore. These were, like, HER followers, just borrowinâ these menâs bodies. They was all lookinâ straight at Grandpa Elphick, anâ givinâ him these leerinâ smiles that just about made him crawl outta his skin. Tremblinâ, he looked back at Palden Lhamo, She was wearinâ her own face now, one more horrible than the Gorgon in that Greek myth I toldjya the last time you was here. A face that looked like the cause of all the illness and insanity in the world, with room to spare!â
At this point, the boysâ mother intervened again. âGrandpa, theyâre not gonna be able to sleep tonight! Tone it down a little, PLEASE?â
The old man laughed, and replied, âAll right, Ella, Iâll edit things a little better. I promise. â Then he looked to the boys for support. âYâall wanna hear more?â
âYESSIR!â the boys declared in one voice.
âOkay,â todayâs Grandpa Elphick said, and continued. âThe goddess said that the new job that Grandpa Elphick and his new âco-workersâ had was to use their guns (includinâ the Gatling) to rob the monasteries and convents of the Red Hats. See, the Red Hats taught things that were different from what the Ocean of Wisdom and his followers taught. The Ocean of Wisdom and his followers were called the Yellow Hats.
âGrandpa Elphick told me that the difference between âem didnât amount to a hill of beans--that the color of their hats was probably the REAL reason they was feudinâ--but anyway the goddess said that her pal, Strong Lightning, a god, was a guardian of the Ocean of Wisdom anâ the wisdom âa the Yellow Hats, and that HE didnât want the Yellow Hats to get misguided anâ start leaninâ too much on what the Red Hats taught, anâ he, Strong Lightninâ, the god who was friend to the goddess, HE thought that robbinâ the Red Hat monasteries of their gold was the way to do it. The gold could be used to build a whole new city, with a monastery bigger than any in the world, bigger ân even the ones in the city of Rasa, The Place of Goats.
âSO, with Granpa Elphick in tow, this armyâa the dead went to robbinâ all the Red Hat monasteries and the villages and cities nearby, and a-killinâ everâbody that stood in their way. Theyâd ride in, with some of the porters dismountinâ and goinâ to work on the doors of the monasteries with axes anâ dynamite, and once the doors was open, theyâd run in with their six-shooters blazinâ, or sometimes theyâd even just ride in, in the bigger monasteries, the ones with the main street wide enough for six horses to ride abreast--ride in, shootinâ who ever got in their way, strippinâ gold from chapels and storerooms and vaults, desecratinâ idols with bullets and fire.
âThey saved up bags anâ bags of gold, enough gold that it took a thousand horses to carry it all--horses that they stole from the Red Hat monasteries and the nearby towns anâ villages that supported âem. Anâ then this army of dead men and horses, weighed down with gold and plugginâ everyâthing that moved with their .45s, they all came to the place where the goddess Palden Lhamo and the god Strong Lightning said they would build the new city with the biggest Yellow Hat monasteries of all.
âIt was a lake, biggerân the Great Salt Lake, one with islands scattered over it, and the biggest one, the one in the very middle oâ the lake, that was where the city would be built. It had a big natural harbor anâ fresh water streams that came down from springs in the islandâs highest hills, and even land on the south sideâa the island where you could grow barley and wheat.
âAnyway, when the army came to the shore of the lake, anâ saw this island, and Palden Lhamo announced her plans for it, she sent Grandpa Elphick and the zombie who used to be the Chinee middleman and four others in a canoe made of yak-hides across the water to see the place. The goddess herself went along for the ride, totinâ her Gatling with her.
âWell, who should they run into on the island, but the Tibetan who originally hired the Chinaman to kidnap the Ocean of Wisdom. See, heâd been followinâ the Chinaman and his army from afar, anâ he knew the Chinaman wasnât after the Ocean of Wisdom anymore, and heâd been waitinâ for a place to ambush him, and the island was the perfect place, once he realized from his spies that there was where they was headin.â
âHe and his people had muzzle-loaders anâ matchlocks insteadâa six-shooters, but they had good position, anâ knew all the good places to shoot from, beinâ as theyâd been to the island before, and used it to hole up in, since everâbody else was too superstitious about the place to go out there--till now! ANâ they had the advantage of numbers. There was only a handful of people with Grandpa Elphick and the Chinaman and the goddess in the canoe, remember.
âOthers tried to come out to the island on other yak-hide canoes, but the robbers with the muzzle-loaders had the range on âem, and picked âem off from the high places in the rocks theyâd hid out in. Anâ they kept pourinâ fire down onto the beach, where Grandpa Elphick and his little party was hunkered down behind their canoe, and scarcely darinâ to raise up high enough to shoot their pistols, with their shorter ranges.
âWell, Palden Lhamo got sick and tired oâ this, but good, and decided she was gonna fight this thing HER way.
âSo, she turned into a bag of wind, carryinâ the smallpox and the anthrax anâ the rabies anâ the cholera anâ the plague, and about six or seven other diseases, and the bag oâ wind had sword blades anâ spear blades anâ Gatling gunsâ barrels stickinâ out from it like some flyinâ hedgehog, shootinâ and slashinâ and spreadinâ disease that killed men instantly, and all of a sudden it looked like the end for the robbers that wanted to kidnap the Ocean of Wisdom, and looked like victory for Grandpa Elphickâs bunch. Not that he was all that happy about it, yâ understand? Even if they won, heâd still be stuck with âem, and he couldnât come home as long as he was in that goddessâs army.
âAnâ Strong Lightninâ, the god-partner of Palden Lhamo, he was makinâ a hullaballoo, and ran across the waterâŠâ
âOh, like Jesus and Peter?â prompted Chad III.
âWellâŠâ the old man hesitated, then restated things. âThatâs a little bit of an exaggeration, yâ understand. See, there was REALLY this bridge, madeâa rainbows, that formed in front of Strong Lightning as he went across. Anâ he got to the beach, and started throwinâ his gold hat in the air, and singinâ and dancinâ to beat the band.
âAnâ the goddess Palden Lhamo said a long spell, in a sing-song way, anâ this city and a big temple in the middle of it, they appeared on top of the mountain, anâ the streams cominâ down from the spring were all of a sudden flowinâ with wine, and gold, and pearls. Anâ Grandpa Elphick was gettinâ sadder anâ sadder, thinkinâ how heâd never get away, and never get back to his sweetheart--my great-great grandmother, and YOUR great-great-great-great grandmother, and thatâs how things stood just then.
âAll of a sudden, there was an earthquake, anâ the mountain fell apart in four peaces, one to each corner of the compass, anâ the city of Palden Lhamo with its great temple fell into the fissure that opened up inside the mountain, anâ a new mountain sprouted up, and on its peak was a church made of golden glass, sparklinâ in the noon-day sun, and from its main doors, a man in a black cassock came, anâ he walked on down the steps, like a thousand steps, in a stairway that reached all the way down to the beach. It took him awhile to get there, but nobody moved or got impatient. âCause they were all riveted on this man, everâbody waitinâ to see what he would do or what he would say.
âHe said to âem all, âWelcome. I am Prester John. This is my kingdom.â
âWell, with that, Palden Lhamo and the whole army
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