If: A Play in Four Acts by Lord Dunsany (best ebook reader for chromebook TXT) 📖

ARCHIE BEAL

We'll do anything for you, Miss Clement.

JOHN BEAL

Anything in the wide world. Please, please don't cry. We'll do anything.

MIRALDA

I... I only, I only wanted to—to kill Hussein. But never mind, it doesn't matter now.

JOHN BEAL

We'll do it, Miss Clement, won't we, Archie? Only don't cry. We'll do it. I—I suppose he deserves it, doesn't he?

ARCHIE BEAL

Yes, I suppose he does.

JOHN BEAL

Well, all right, Miss Clement, that's settled. My brother and I will talk it over.

MIRALDA [still sniping]

And—and—don't hang him or anything—he looks so fine.... I—I wouldn't like him treated like that. He has such a grand beard. He ought to die fighting.

JOHN BEAL

We'll see what we can do, Miss Clement.

MIRALDA

It is sweet of you. It's really sweet. It's sweet of both of you. I don't know what I d have done without you. I seemed to know it that day the moment I saw you.

JOHN BEAL

O, it's nothing, Miss Clement, nothing at all.

ARCHIE BEAL

That's all right.

MIRALDA

Well, now I'll have to look for an hotel.

JOHN BEAL

Yes, that's the trouble, that really is the trouble. That's what I've been thinking of

MIRALDA

Why, isn't there...

JOHN BEAL

No, I'm afraid there isn't. What are we to do, Archie.

ARCHIE BEAL

I—I can't think. Perhaps Miss Clement would have a scheme.

MIRALDA [to JOHN BEAL]

I rely on you, Mr. Beal.

JOHN BEAL

I—I; but what can I... You see, you're all alone. If you'd anyone with you, you could have...

MIRALDA

I did think of bringing a rather nice aunt. But on the whole I thought it better not to tell anyone.

JOHN BEAL

Not to tell...

MIRALDA

No, on the whole I didn't.

JOHN BEAL

I say, Archie, what are we to do?

ARCHIE BEAL

Here's Daoud.

[Enter DAOUD.]

JOHN BEAL

The one man I trust in Al Shaldomir!

DAOUD

I have brought two watchers of the doorstep to guard the noble lady.

JOHN BEAL

He says he's brought two watchers of the doorstep to look after Miss Clement.

ARCHIE BEAL

Two chaperons! Splendid! She can go anywhere now.

JOHN BEAL

Well, really, that is better. Yes that will be all right. We can find a room for you now. The trouble was your being alone. I hope you'll like them. [To DAOUD.] Tell them to enter here.

DAOUD [beckoning in the doorway]

Ho! Enter!

JOHN BEAL

That's all right, ARCHIE, isn't it?

ARCHIE BEAL

Yes, that's all right. A chaperon's a chaperon, black or white.

JOHN BEAL

You won't mind their being black, will you, Miss Clement?

MIRALDA

No, I shan't mind. They can't be worse than white ones.

[Enter BAZZALOL and THOOTHOOBABA two enormous Nubians, bearing peacock fans and wearing scimitars. All stare at them. They begin to fan slightly.]

DAOUD

The watchers of the doorstep.

JOHN BEAL

Idiot, Daoud! Fools! Dolts! Men may not guard a lady's door.

[BAZZALOL and THOOTHOOBABA smile ingratiatingly.]

We are not men.

BAZZALOL [bowing]

Curtain

Six and a half years elapse

THE SONG OF THE IRIS MARSHES

When morn is bright on the mountains olden Till dawn is lost in the blaze of day, When morn is bright and the marshes golden, Where shall the lost lights fade away? And where, my love, shall we dream to-day? Dawn is fled to the marshy hollows Where ghosts of stars in the dimness stray, And the water is streaked with the flash of swallows And all through summer the iris sway. But where, my love, shall we dream to-day? When night is black in the iris marshes.