Witch Clan: Warriors! by John Stormm (best fiction books of all time .txt) 📖

here?”

“I’ve never even heard of the place,” Milton said. “But likely as not, it doesn’t exist in this world. What’s a ’comedian’?”

“A stand up comic,” Johnny recounted, “a guy who tells jokes and gags and does funny skits on television. In our world, some of these people become very rich and famous for their talent to make people laugh. Don’t you have people like that here?”

“Oh, how very therapeutic that sounds,” Milton said smiling. “No. Our scryboxes…er, your ‘television’ equivalents are mostly put to state use here. We have bards here that sometimes sing silly songs or poems but the bulk of what they do is very serious work and then there’s jesters and they make up wild pranks and scenarios that bring more than a few laughs. But tell me a bit more about these rich and famous comedians.”

“Well sometimes, they work in pairs and one will be sane and serious and the other one will do the comic part.” Johnny recounted. “They’ll have conversations that you think might be serious and then hit you with a punch line that bowls you over.”

“Oooh, that doesn’t sound so good,” Milton replied. “Are punch lines very painful or damaging?”

Johnny looked at him for an odd moment as a thought crossed his mind.

“I can show you by telling you about how my grandfather, the King, had set about to track down one of our world’s foremost thieves by using his second best tracking hound.” he said.

“That sounds exciting,” Milton replied. “I take it that the King’s best dog was in use elsewhere. What made this dog only his second best, I wonder?”

“Now you’re being the straight man,” Johnny said. “It was only his second best dog because this dog had no nose.”

“No nose?” Milton asked.

“No nose at all,” Johnny replied gravely shaking his head.

“How did he smell?” Milton asked.

“Awful.” Johnny replied, looking at him mischievously.

Milton looked taken aback for the briefest moment and then broke out shrieking and crying at the same time.

“Oh that’s too good,” the Examiner said panting. “I’ve got to write that down somewhere. That’s a ’punch line’?”

“And it hit you right between the eyes,” Johnny said. “Did it hurt much?”

“Oh, I want to be hurt like that at least once a day,” Milton said, “and maybe all of Tyrsday night. So people actually get up before other people and do these ’jokes’ as you call them and get rich and famous?”

“Milton Berle in our world lives in a fine mansion and has servants to cook and clean for him,” Johnny said. “In return, he finds all the best jokes and entertains us every Tuesday night on television and makes us laugh and forget about our problems for a while.”

“That sounds like such a wonderful and noble profession,” Milton said while dabbing at his eyes with his handkerchief. Please tell me more about these comedians.”

“I kind of had an idea you might be interested,” Johnny said. “Can I call you Uncle Milty?”

“I’d be honored,” the Examiner replied.

“Well, the next kind of joke is the kind you tell to warm your audience up to you about something funny that happened to you on the way there…” Johnny went on.

* * *

“Our boy is using classic subterfuge and infecting this world with alien ideas,” Emma said with a sly smile.

“I gathered that with the Uncle Milty thing,” Little Fox replied. “I thought that man looked familiar but Johnny hit it dead on.”

“The benefit of watching too much TV,” she replied. “It was probably the different hair style and the glasses that threw you off.”

“Do you suppose we’ll meet doubles of everyone here?” he asked.

“Possible, but it all depends upon just how similar the two planes really are,” she replied. “Chances are that our own doubles don’t even live in this city. Have you ever felt led to move to Washington, D.C.?”

“Never,” John replied flatly.

“I think we’re safe then,” she replied. “I’m not sure I’d want to meet an evil twin or something like that anyway. What do you think of our new flat?”

“Nice neighborhood,” he said, “solid structure, very defensible and a generous allowance. I’m feeling like they are trying to buy some new friends.”

“It makes sense in a diplomatic sort of way,” she said. “I doubt this will distract us from what we are really here to do…”

“IX-NAY!” John interrupted, “There might be bugs.”

“We’ll have the place sprayed,” she replied.

“I meant bugs with ears,” John replied close to her ear.

“Well, let’s get settled in and if you see anything, you can call the exterminator,” she said with a conspiratory wink. “We should call for the car and see about getting some groceries. I’m tired of restaurants all the time. I want a real meal. Johnny should be home in a couple hours from his city wanderings and he’ll be voracious. You know how he likes to eat.”

* * *

In an apartment across the street, Dauntless Dick was sitting next to the wire recorder and wondering aloud to the Elite Shadows with him.

“What we should all be asking is,“ Dauntless said ticking off his fingers, “Number one: What are they really here to do? Number two: What does ‘ix-nay’ mean in their home language? Is it profanity or a warning? Number three: Do they have spells for using insects to spy on others? How would we detect them? Until we know more, all insects are suspect to be spies. I don’t want to take any chances. I also want transcripts of all of their interviews with the Examiners. I only wish Rumsdon could have a few free moments with them. I don’t like any of this.”

“You understand sirrah, that the media finds them eminently newsworthy.” Agent Simms remarked. “PR and His Excellency actually have the Matriarch scheduled to lead the Ivory City Solstice Celebration this season, and it’s to be aired worldwide. He intends to garner support for his war chest from Atlantis. We can‘t afford to offend these dignitaries.”

“I don’t intend to,” Dauntless replied irritably, “but I’m not afraid to question our ’good luck’. The saying goes: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

“Your concerns are duly noted, sirrah,” Agent Simms said. “Should we continue our surveillance by following them all?”

“By any and all means,” Dick replied. “I also want Shadows among the Yellow Jackets in the City Bureau. This will allow us to keep track of any localized effect the Atlanteans may have on the populace at large and keep tabs on any contacts they may make.”

“Very good, sir,” Simms responded, picking up a telecom and punching in an office code to the local enforcers. “I have a contact in the Captain’s office that will do the job nicely. Have you any specific instructions to give him?”

“Just to keep an eye on them,” he replied, “keep a low profile and not to step on any toes unless he’s sure he’s got something on them. If his thugs make any kind of scene that reflects badly on his Excellency, I’ll have Rumsdon prepare parts of him as a delicacy. Understood?”

“Will do, sirrah,” Simms replied and began speaking into the com.

* * *

“You don’t suppose they’re in cahoots with the Devils, do you?” Rumsdon asked.

“I can’t imagine those isolationist snobs having any traffic with any kind of human, but we can’t rule out that they may be here to scout our own world for conquests of their own.” Dauntless replied.

“It seems like the human thing to do,” Rumsdon mumbled over steepled fingers. With Public Relations trying to work the loyal allies image into His Excellency and the world at large, it might be in our best interests if we orchestrated something to put our new ‘allies’ in a not-so-favorable light on that world scry cast. Maybe if the Solstice Ceremony came out to be anything but harmonious. The entire world would view that as an ominous portent without any prodding from us at all.”

“And we can still play up our support of His Excellency’s program while diplomatically showing our misgivings about the Atlanteans.” Dick added. “You are just so diabolical sometimes. Do you have any specific ideas as to what we’ll do?”

“Not yet,” Rumsdon replied. “But I’m working on it. We still have some weeks to prepare for this. What gives me pause is that we have no idea of how many worlds there are that can be reached through these rifts and what kind of technologies and magicks they might have to use for us or against us. If we could gain one or two allies among that number we could conquer through less costlier means and increase our profit margins in all of this. Gods forbid that we go storming into a plane vastly superior than our own and pick a fight we can‘t win.”

“We could always duck back through our rift and seal it up couldn’t we?” Dauntless asked.

“It appears so, but Forest Devils have made