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Tristan eased his eyes shut, lost in his own thoughts for a moment. Kira knew he was struggling with the memories of the life he had lost. He opened his lids and stared out into the distance, at the trees on the far side of the riverbank, swaying in the wind. Kira had a feeling he was staring through them to a scene she would never herself be able to see.
"Aldrich, my maker, was not a good man. He kept dungeons filled with human prisoners, enjoyed torture and murder. For thirty years, I stayed with him. He forced me to kill, to feed off terrified and crying women, and I thought it was the only way to live. That I was damned to that hell forever."
Tristan let out a sad smile and ran his hand through his hair. His shoulders were hunched, but he turned his head to look at Kira. "One night, a band of Punishers raided his home. We all fled, but I purposely let the conduits separate us. I knew it was my only chance to escape, so I let him think I’d died. I’ve never seen him since. I don’t know whether he lived or died, and I never want to."
Kira wanted to cry for him, for the horrible things he had lived through. He moved closer to her, back toward the shore, and Kira grabbed his hand when he was within reach. She pulled him to her, until he had shifted so that his back rested against her stomach.
Hugging her arms around him, she whispered, "It’s all right, now."
"I may be a vampire, but I’m not a bad man. I swear it." He sounded as though he was about to cry. Kira realized his memories still haunted him.
"I know," she said and nodded, hoping he felt the movement against his head, understanding she was sincere.
"After I escaped, I kept to myself for a long time. I fed off people because I had to, but never enjoyed it and never killed again. I traveled, jumping from one city to the next, trying to see the wonders of the world and meeting different sorts of vampires along the way. Some were just as bad as Aldrich, and some were just like me. During the first World War, I scavenged on soldiers dying in Europe, but a few years later a discovery changed my life. I stumbled upon a Russian blood bank, found bags full of blood, and realized my days of feeding on humans were over."
"When did you meet the others?" Kira asked, thinking of Diana, Jerome, and John.
"I knew Diana from the start." Tristan angled his head to look at Kira. She hoped she covered her shock well enough. Diana and Tristan had known each other for more than a century?
"She was with Aldrich for years before he turned me. She took to his teachings far more than I ever did, but she always believed we were meant to be together. She was the one who helped me escape, and I never heard from her again, until I returned to Charleston fifteen years ago, finally ready to come back home. I was tired of drifting, of being alone, and I missed Charleston. It hadn’t changed all that much in one hundred years, and I was walking through the old town one night when I saw her with Jerome and John. She welcomed me back with open arms, and even though I disapprove of their lifestyles, it felt so nice to have a family again. But all that changed when I met you."
"Why?" Kira couldn’t understand how two months of barely knowing her had changed Tristan so deeply that he would betray the one person he had known for one hundred years. Because surely that’s what Diana saw it as—betrayal. The past two months had flipped Kira's life upside down, but she never imagined they had done the same to Tristan.
"When I first saw you, in the classroom, I had no idea what you were. I never dreamed conduits could form mixed breeds, but Diana knew right away, and she wanted to capture you and kill you. As soon as she said it, I don’t know why, but all I could think about was protecting you. Well, some protector I turned out to be." He shook his head and sat up, jumping from the tree to stand on the shore. He knelt down to gather some flat stones to skip along the water’s glassy surface.
Kira watched as he beat himself up over the events of the past few weeks. No wonder he always seemed sad, Kira thought. He blamed himself for everything, even things completely outside his control. "I’m alive, aren’t I?"
"Because you discovered your power. Diana almost killed you."
"But Tristan…" She sat up and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to face her. "I might have never discovered anything if you hadn’t helped me, in the classroom, when you scared me. It awakened my power, made me know I could somehow help myself. And let’s not forget that you saved me from almost drowning."
His features softened and he leaned back against the tree branch, covering her hand with his own, keeping it securely on his shoulder. "You must have questions. Fire away."
Kira chewed her lip, thinking of what to ask first. Her mind was practically bursting, but she didn’t know where to start. What do you ask someone who is old enough to be your grandfather but looks young enough to date? Normally, Kira thought, a guy his age would be married…married? How many girls had he been with? Kira had only been dating for a handful of years, and she had already had at least one boyfriend. Tristan had been doing it for one hundred and fifty years. He must have had tons of lovers.
Kira pulled her hand from his, suddenly very conscious of their age difference. She’d never done more than kiss a boy, and she could only imagine what sort of creepy, vampire things Tristan had done.
"Kira? What are you thinking?" He turned around, resting his elbows on the tree branch and looking up at her.
"Um…" Kira twiddled her thumbs, fighting the urge to blush. "So, how many girls have you, you know…dated?" God, she thought, why am I acting like a thirteen-year-old?
Tristan burst out laughing. "Of all the things, that’s what you want to know?"
"Well, it’s a start. Why? Something to hide?" she asked, lifting her eyebrows. Kira was becoming defensive, and it brought her out of her dazed schoolgirl mood.
"No. I don’t even know. No one serious, if that’s what you’re asking. But I’ve been around for a while, so I’ve met some women along the way and, well…" He trailed off.
Kira hid her face in her hands, suddenly not wanting to know. No one serious—that was good enough for her.
"New topic please," she spoke, still not meeting his eyes. "Can I see your fangs?" She dropped her hands, feeling like a little kid with a new toy.
Tristan rolled his eyes at her but closed his mouth and opened it a second later after a strained expression crossed his features. They were smaller than Kira had remembered with Diana, not nearly as frightening as she had imagined. Pearly white and seemingly delicate, but Kira knew they were lethal, literally. They looked sharp, she thought and reached her finger out to touch one, but Tristan moved away.
"Don’t. I don’t want to hurt you," he said, letting his teeth recede back into his gums. Kira wasn’t sure if he meant hurting her finger, or doing something a little worse, so she left it at that.
"So, what did Diana mean about getting ‘her Tristan’ back? Can she do that? Can she actually change you?" Kira leaned back against the tree again. Diana’s threat had seemed real and much more a promise than empty words.
"No. I should probably explain more about Diana though." He sighed, resigned. "When Aldrich brought me back, during the change, Diana was the one who cared for me. Afterward, she taught me how to eat and survive and control the urges. She always believed I loved life with Aldrich and that I would someday love her. But years passed, and she could see my discontent. When she helped me escape by leading Aldrich the other direction, away from the Punishers and from me, I think she always expected for me to find her and return to her. When I finally did, I was a different man. She was disgusted that I ate from bags and refused live humans. She still is. I think she believes that if I fall off the bandwagon and drink from a human one time, I won’t be able to stop. That I’ll become the monster Aldrich made me into again." He looked up at Kira, his expression hard and full of conviction. "I never will, Kira. That was never who I am, and I won’t go back, no matter what Diana tries to do."
"I’m confused though." Kira thought back to the auditorium, when she discovered what Tristan and the others were. He was stronger than all of them. If she had never gotten hit by the brick—never started bleeding and distracted him—Tristan would have beaten them all. He had thrown them around like rag dolls and not a single punch had touched him. "In the gym, you laughed when they threatened you. They were all afraid to challenge you. Why? Diana’s older, shouldn’t she be more powerful?"
He shook his head. "The age thing is just a myth. Your human blood determines power and strength. If you were strong as a human, your strength will be amplified, same with speed. Even abilities, like being able to read people’s facial expressions can turn into actual mind reading when you’re changed into a vampire. I think that’s why Aldrich turned me. He must have known I’d be as strong as I am. But age doesn’t affect it at all. I could be stronger than a thousand-year-old vampire, but he’s had more time to make friends and garner power, so he’s more untouchable."
"What do you mean?"
"Vampires have their own set of rules. Almost every country has some sort of governing council with heads, sort of like senators, in each of the major cities. If I wanted to travel to, I don’t know, Boston, I would need to ask permission first. There are a lot more rules than you would think."
"But all the rules I can think of seem to be wrong," Kira said, remembering Tristan in the church and lying in the sun.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, we’re outside during the daylight, and you don’t seem to be bursting into flame. How did all those rumors get started?"
"It was…" He thought of the right word. "Beneficial for vampires to start those rumors. That way, anytime I wore a silver cross or went surfing, no one would even consider the possibility of the supernatural. Just a precaution."
"So, I’m the only way you can die?"
Tristan shrugged, and Kira looked down at the dim burn marks on her hands from the night before. It hadn’t even hurt that time. The fire had come completely naturally. "Can I ever become a vampire?"
"No," Tristan said quietly. "A conduit can only be killed by a vampire. Their blood rejects the turning."
Kira assumed as much even though Luke had never bothered to tell her that. She was relieved in a way, knowing that she could never become a vampire. She would have never wanted that, a life of drinking blood, even if it meant a life with Tristan.
"Can you ever skip out on the whole immortality thing?" she asked.
Tristan shook his head silently.
They really were doomed. She would grow old and die, probably killing vampires along the way. He would be young and strong forever, and there was no way around that.
"Is all of this even worth it?" Kira murmured, staring out at the water. The tide had risen, and the waves were choppier now, breaking into white heads along the surface and swallowing the marshes at the riverbank. "I mean, I wouldn’t mind the whole cougar aspect, having a boyfriend who looks seventeen when I’m at the ripe old age of sixty, but who are we kidding?"
"We have to try," Tristan urged. "Maybe you can live with never knowing, but I can’t spend eternity wondering what could have been. And if we
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