The Bird & The Bear by Jacob Staples (best english books to read for beginners .TXT) 📖
- Author: Jacob Staples
Book online «The Bird & The Bear by Jacob Staples (best english books to read for beginners .TXT) 📖». Author Jacob Staples
*sinister music*
Senor (Narration): So, one night, I mustered the courage to delve into the forbidden ward of the local library and… Get this. There’s something that could actually help me out. It’s called an accelerated Puberty Potion and it should help me to finally grow my wings. After that night, I gathered all the materials I needed. Well, almost everything. There was this one item said to be impossible to attain. A fragment from the stone of rebirth, a well-guarded Phoenix artefact, the source of their ability to resurrect from their own ashes.
*music stops*
Ratty: Are you alright there, boy? You’re scaring away all the ducks.
Senor (Narration): That’s Ratty, a well known merchant. He travels between cities with his caravan in hopes of returning a profit. He doesn’t really sell anything of value, but he often sweet talks you into buying something anyway. Rats are manipulative like that.
Senor: The ducks don’t mind.
Ratty: Well, CLEARLY they don’t. Here I am, tossing them this stale bread and you’re throwing pebbles, scaring them off!
Senor: You don’t mind, do you, Aunt Flow?
*duck noises*
Ratty: Listen, boy. You know that you’re not a duck, right? Ducks don’t talk, you hear?. They’re lesser beings. Things like them can’t think like we do.
Senor: YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!
Ratty: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Look, I talked out of line back there. I’m sorry. I was just… Tell ya what. You’re a bea- I mean… You’re big and strong, yes? Well, I am a rat and, just between the two of us, rat’s don’t do too well in a fight *nervous laughter*. I am taking some supplies from this town to the next, and I need a bodyguard. Think you can help me out there? I’ll pay you for your efforts.
*leaves crunching*
*bonfire in the distance*
Senor (Narration): I met him that night by his caravan. He was seated by a campfire, toasting marshmallows at the end of his dagger, in the company of an exotic array of gypsies and mercenaries.
Ratty: Ah! He comes! This is the bear I was talking about. Please, friend. Take a seat. S’more?
Senor: N-No thanks.
Ratty: You should really eat something, you know. We’ve got a long journey ahead of us.
Senor: I’ll have some bread if you’ve got any.
Mercenary: *laughs* Well tickle me pink! He really does think he’s a duck!
*crowd laughing*
Ratty: Now, now. Don’t be too harsh on the boy. He may be a bit… eccentric, but I’ve seen him tear a fox in half like it was paper.
Senor: Well, it was more like wringing a wet towel… I only wanted to hurt him a little. I didn’t mean to kill him…
Mercenary: *nervous laughter* I… uh... Of course! I didn’t mean to offend you, honest!
*crowd mumbling*
Ratty: Well, now that we’re all here, I think it best to begin our quest to Loudwater. I expect us to arrive in the early morn, so it’s imperative we begin posthaste. With any luck, we may not even need your services, men, but knowing these roads, I anticipate we’ll be ambushed once or twice. Nothing you lot can’t handle, am I right?
*crowd cheer*
Senor: Uh… Excuse me. Did you just say ‘ambush’?
Ratty: Aye. Vicious bandits and murderous marauders armed to the teeth with crossbows and swords, knapsacks ready to pilfer and pillage from our supply of goods as we let our guards down for the briefest of moments. Don’t worry, friend. I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Fyranger: Ratty, if I may… I’m sure you think he can fend for himself, but I’m telling you, he’s going to die out there. At least train him first.
Ratty: Hmm. Good idea, Fy. Until we get to Loudwater, you can be in charge of keeping him alive.
Fyranger: Ok… Sorry, what? Oh, no! I’m not going to babysit your chum!
Ratty: Now, Fy. I feed you. I put a roof over your head. The least you could do is help an old rat out. Besides, I could just as easily replace you with someone whose beak doesn’t flap about in protest at such a simple task.
Fyranger: You wouldn’t…
Ratty: Phoenixes with the inability to rebirth are becoming quite the occurrence nowadays, so I trust that a cheap substitute wouldn’t be hard to find.
Fyranger: Hmph. Fine. Come on, bear. You’d better not slow me down.
*the fire is kicked out*
Ratty: Well? What are you lot doing standing around? We’ve got cargo to deliver!
*eerie music*
*carriage being drawn*
Senor: *exhausted* I’m. So. Boooored! How much longer do we have to walk? My paws are killing me.
Fyranger: *slightly out of breath* We get there when we get there.
Senor: Well, are we there yet?
Fyranger: *becoming annoyed* No.
Senor: What about now? Are we there *yet*?
Fyranger: Grr… I just told you! We’re not-
Eagle Jon: *to the horse* Woooah! Easy! Easy!
Senor: Everyone’s stopping. Does that mean we’re in Loudwater? Funny, I don’t see any buildings…
Fyranger: Something’s not right… Stay here. I’ll be right back.
Senor: Yes, ma’am! Just going to stand right here. Like you told me to...
*cut to Eagle Jon*
Fyranger: Why have we stopped, Eagle Jon? The town’s not for another few miles. There had better be a good reason for this.
Eagle Jon: There. Do you see? In the bushes.
*leaves rustling*
Eagle Jon: I spied something moving out of the corner of my eye. The scent of a freshly smothered fire also wafts through the air. Like it or not, we’re being watched.
Fyranger: Good find. Do you want me to alert the others?
Eagle Jon: There’s not enough time. We’ve already stopped. They know we’re onto them. It’s only a matter of time until…
*screams*
*bear mauling sounds*
Eagle Jon: Get the new guy and secure the cargo!
*sword unsheath*
Eagle Jon: I’ll do what I can to keep them off you guys! Keep it safe! That’s your number one priority! GO! GO NOW!
Fyranger: Gotcha! These bandits just messed with the wrong mercenary.
*cut to Senor*
Fyranger: Come on, rookie. We’ve got a job to do.
Senor: Oh! Oh! Fy! You’re back! S-Someone’s in trouble! I heard a scream and there was this loud noise…
Fyranger: Rook, hey! *click* *click* Listen. Do you know how to use a weapon?
Senor: N-No… I mean, I probably could. I think. I don’t know…
Fyanger: Alright, sweetie. What I’m going to get you to do is stand by the cargo carriage and make a *really* scary face. Can I get you to do that for me, please?
Senor: Right. Scary face. Ok, like this? *Rawr*. *makes a face*
Fyranger: That’s, uh… We’ll have to work on it later. In the meantime, keep doing what you’re doing and stand right over there.
Senor: No problem! *Rawr*.
Ratty: Fy, can I borrow you for a second, please?
Fyranger: Oh! Oh, Ratty! Thank god you're here! Uh... What are you doing?
Ratty: Hmm? Ah! Here, hold this. *passes box of fireworks to Fy*
Fyranger: Fireworks? Now's not the time, boss… If you haven’t already noticed, we’re kinda-
Ratty: Shh! I’m thinking… Hmm… How much do we sell the roman candles for?
*fumbling through the box*
Fyranger: What? Uh… They’re about three gold pieces each. Why?
Ratty: Fur coats. Are they still at a relatively high demand?
Fyranger: …Alright. You’ve lost me. Can you *please* just start making some sense?
*bear roar*
Ratty: Stand back!
*match strike + firework sound + firework explosion + blood splatter*
Fyranger: Holy shit, Ratty! A little heads up next time, please?!
Ratty: Damn, the pelt’s toast… Well, I’m sure we can scoop up what we can and sell it for something resembling a profit.
Fyranger: We’re being attacked and all you can think about is money? Seriously?
Ratty: What did you expect? I’m a *businessman*. And I know a guy in the next town that sells grizzly knuckles or something for a hefty price. ‘Fleshroot’ I think he calls it… This is just between the two of us of course. It’s not, strictly speaking, *legal*.
Fyranger: I don’t even want to know what it’s used for and I honestly don’t care… Just try not to die if you can help it.
*cut to Senor*
Señor: Dammit! What's taking her so long? She should be back by now...
Eagle Jon: Haha! Take that, you walking carpet! You all fight like girls! *grunts as he swings his sword about*
Senor: What was I thinking? I can't fend for myself! I'm just an innocent... fragile, little duck...
Bear 1: Gotta give 'em credit where it's due. They're putting up more of a fight than we thought.
Señor: Crap! Someone's coming... What do I do...? Nobody's going to look *under* the caravan, are they...? I-I'm sorry, Phoenix lady... I let you down. *hides under caravan*
Bear 2: Yeah. For a bunch of vermin, they're almost more trouble than they're worth.
Bear 1: We don't know what they're worth yet now, do we? Ah, here we go. *passes crowbar to bear 2* Wanna do the honors?
*crowbar breaking lock + door opening*
Bear 1: Move outta the way! Aha! *evil laughter* Would ya look at what we have here? Master will be *very* impressed.
Eagle Jon: Step away from the goods, you cocksuckers!
*wooden door slam*
Bear 1: Graah! Who dares to mock us with such impudence?!
Eagle Jon: That would be me, Eagle Jon! Now, draw your swords and let us engage in swordplay! Let me show you what a true mockery looks like!
*swords unsheathing*
Bear 2: In case you haven't noticed, there are two of us and only one of you. Flee for your life while you still have the chance!
Eagle Jon: Nonsense! 'Tis an even match. Besides, Eagle Jon never surrenders! Hryah! *swings sword*
*swords clashing*
Señor: Dammit... I need to do something soon. He looks like he's in trouble!
*Eagle Jon + Bears fighting*
*Wooden door impact + bottles clinking*
Eagle Jon: *grunts* Ah, don't mind if I do.
Bear 1: Don't turn your back on us! Face us like a man!
*cork removal*
*Eagle Jon drinking from an alcohol bottle*
Bear 1: Did you hear me? I said, stop ignoring us!
*bottle smash*
Eagle Jon: Oh, you little asswipe! You just got tequila all over my beautiful face!
Señor (Narration): In the pursuit of a concoction that would enable my wings to finally develop, I may have filched a few textbooks on the arcane arts from a sizeable selection of magic academies. As my mind mentally skimmed through the pages of ‘Mastering the Elements: A Preliminary Guide’, I felt a wave of energy wash over me and begin pooling up within my fingertips.
*sword swipe*
Eagle Jon: Haha! What will you do now without your sword?
*bear tackles and restrains Eagle Jon*
Bear 2: *lunges* Hyaah!
Eagle Jon (flustered): Oof! Ahh… I see you’re into bondage. You know, you’re supposed to take me out to dinner first. What are you, an animal?
Bear 1: Grr… Just shut up already! I’ve had it with you and your foul tongue! Let’s see if it still runs when my sword spills your insides to the ground!
Eagle Jon: Heh… Tis only our first encounter and we’re already talking of penetration… Hehehe… *gets kicked in the back* Oof! Hey! Knock it off back there!
Senor: Stop! Please s-... S-Stop…
Eagle Jon: Huh? B-boy! What are you doing here? Can’t you see that I have everything under control?
Senor (nervous): L-let go of him…
Bear 1: *chuckles* Let go of him…? Or what?
Bear 2: *laughs*
Senor (becoming more confident): O-or… Or I’ll hurt you.
Bear 1 (sarcastic): Oho! He’ll hurt us! Oh no! We’d better do what he says.
Bear 2: Hehehe.
Senor (excited): R-really?! That’s great!
Eagle Jon (deadpan): No, boy. They’re just fucking with you. Leave now, and regroup with the others. Keep my seat warm for me. I’ll be back in a moment.
Senor: N-no! I-I… I really mean it! I will… hurt you… if you don’t stop… *fire wells up in his hand*
Bear 1: We’ll get to killing you as soon as we’re done with this loudmouth…
Eagle Jon: Idiot boy! Do as I s-! *gets hit with a fire blast* *screams in agony*
Senor (frantic): NO! Th-That wasn’t supposed to happen! That… That wasn’t…
Eagle Jon: Ahhhhh! My face! Ahhhh! Get it off me!
*sizzling flesh*
Bear 2: W-what should we do?! He’s crazy!
Bear 1: Run! Get away from him! Go! Go now!
Bear 2: You’re coming with us, loudmouth.
Eagle Jon: It’s… Eagle… J- *death rattle*
Senor (Narration): As the bandits fled, the implications of my actions began
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