Kira Thorne by Shia Naawl (book recommendations website txt) 📖

feel myself losing control. Spiralling out of it and I didn’t understand but for the first time...I needed comfort. Touch. Something in me needed it and it was shaking my control. Why do I feel this way? Why do I-

‘Feel as though your whole world has been tilted and you don’t have a common ground you can gravitate on?’ Mircea’s deep voice quietly spoken through those pale pink lips.
Shit, did I just say that out loud. My eyes flicked over him. I flinched. The memories from last night unearthed something in me that I was afraid that it would explode. I needed to collect myself. Protect myself. Find away to close and lock the door that has been unlocked. What has he done to me?

‘Never again.’ I whispered shakily. I instinctively knew that if I allowed this to happen again, this growing dam would open wider. No matter my loyalty to Erik, I won’t let Mircea break me. It wasn’t part of the agreement.

‘Why, Ma Louve? Is it because you are afraid? Afraid of what I may unleash? The very thing that could free you?’ Mircea’s voice was seductive as always. Dark but always deadly. I could hear the predator loud and clear.

Mircea’s words hit too close to home. Not because he would free me but because he would unleash something so profound on this earth, I would seek nothing but death. He would make the poison inside of me worse; unleashing it’s full infected merciless self.
My eyes hardened. My lips firmed. ‘I don’t like to be touched. Not in anyway.’ Cold. Decisive. Unfeeling.

My bare feet touched the marble floor and my feet flexed in reaction to warm meeting with cold. My back was turned to face Mircea as I examined my clothing. It was a simple lacy dress that ended a few inches above my knee. Mircea must have put this on me. I pushed the shiver of displeasure out of my head and eyed the palm shoes tucked next to the bed. They looked about in my size. I was hoping they were.

I stood up, ignoring Mircea as I placed each foot in each shoe. Perfect match. I inhaled before I took a deep breath and started walking to the door, which was right next to Mircea. I calmly opened the door and was stopped at the cool hand place on my right shoulder. I stood still and just stared at the hand until it was removed from my shoulder.
‘Do not lie to yourself, Ma Louve. You’re frightened of what I have unlocked within you. You are like an infected wound. Last night, I have cleaned the pus out, removed the infection but the wound is still open. It is up to you to heal the wound or let it be infected again.’

I didn’t miss a beat as I walked away and followed his servant out of the house after his little speech. I don’t want to know. Right now, my feelings were stirred, strangled and strained in every angle possible. The whirlwind of emotion and panic came at me and I need something. I needed touch. I forced the emotion out of me but I somehow found myself in front of Alaric’s house. Unable to knock. I just stood there.

The house was small. A cabin really, engulfed by the forest. It was suitable for both man and wolf. This open space allowed your wolf to run and hunt. The sanctuary of a home to satisfy the human part. I never had a sanctuary or what the feeling of it supposed to be. Why, for once, had the very idea made my heart clench?

I stood there for a moment before I shook my head. It was ridiculous. Stupid. I have never needed comfort and I certainly don’t need it now. When have I ever needed comfort from another to help me? I turned around and walked two steps away before a felt the heat of Alaric’s body very close behind me but never touching me. He knew I didn’t like to be touched. So he waited. Waited for my permission.

‘What are you doing here, Kira?’ Alaric asked. His voice was alert, not the type who just woken up from bed. It made me question if he has been assessing my through his window. See if I knock on the door.

‘Did you watch me through the window?’ I asked.

He hesitated but answered. ‘Yes.’

Damn it. Even my sense of awareness in my surroundings is fucked up. What the fuck is happening to me? Why do I feel so damn unbalanced? That the foundation I have built to become stronger, to be tougher, is slowly shattering around me? It wasn’t a good thing. I felt it in my very soul.

‘Kira’ Alaric said softly. ‘You’re shaking.’

I clenched my fist. Damn it. Get it together. There wasn’t any need for Alaric to know I’m shitting a brick of breakdown.

I changed the subject. ‘Why don’t you let people call you Nathanial? That is your first name, right?’

I have never been the one to pry in people’s business but he’s seen me vulnerable. It was only fair if he shared something vulnerable too.

‘An evil bitch used to call me that. Nathanial makes me convulse and revolt. I hate the very name.’

‘She changed something inside you to make you feel that way. She got to you too.’ I whispered. I knew the Alaric understood that my last sentence was generalizing the common ground both me and him shared. Someone got to us. But difference was that he healed. I never did.

This time, Alaric didn’t hesitate but pulled me into his embrace so my back was to his front. I allowed him. I leaned into his embrace. His touch. Why was I revelling in it? I failed the strength to not close my eyes. I felt Alaric’s cheek rub against my. Comforting. Tender. This was Pack.

I realised that he slowly backed us up into the house before I heard the door close. Like a delinquent, Alaric led me to his room. Removed my shoes, my dress –until I was in my underwear. Through drowsy vision, I saw Alaric move to his draw and took out his t-shirt. Without hesitation or before I can protest, he pulled it over my head and removed my underwear. The t-shirt reached to my knees so it covered everything needed. Scent and touch was a sign of comfort. The shirt smelled of him. Pack. Alaric stripped off until he was in his boxers and led me to the bed. He tucked me in before he slid and curled around me like a vine.

I was still shaking but he ignored it. Knowing I needed touch. Knowing I needed comfort. For once, I let myself be comforted. For once I let Alaric’s touch soothe me. I let his dominancy seep into my skin. Alaric was the only one that has ever gotten this far without me breaking any bones for a dominant. I can never withstand a dominant’s touch but for tonight I let Alaric’s dominancy soothe me. My world was tilting and I don’t understand this new reaction in me. This need to touch. This rightness of a dominant soothing you.
I scented another wolf in the room. Phillip. I didn’t open my eyes to know that he was the one that dipped the bed or that he was the one that crawled toward us or that he was the one that rested his head on my stomach with his body between my legs and his arms tightly curled around my waist. I instinctively pushed my hand through his hair. A comforting gesture.

‘Hi.’ Phillip said softly while I softly played with his hair.
I opened my eyes to look down at him and gave him a smile. He looked adorable at that moment. With his hair moped messily and that contentment-look you see in a child. Those dark eyes gleamed with innocence somehow and my need to protect him seemed vital.

‘Hi’ I said at last.

Phillip kissed my stomach tenderly before he settled his head on my stomach again.

‘I don’t like you scared, Kira. Please don’t be scared.’

‘Me either.’ Alaric said so softly that if I wasn’t this close, I wouldn’t have heard him.
Phillip never fails to amaze me. My heart softened as I snuggled deeply into Alaric’s side. I felt the home of the Pack. Like I belong.

The scary thought dawned on me. Maybe Mircea did clean the infection and the pus. Maybe I was an infected wound all along, slowly becoming fatal. Now that the infection is gone, the only thing left is an open wound. That’s what making my world tilt and these confusing cluster-fucks of emotions inside me. I’m not an infection anymore.
Somehow there was a little part of me that didn’t agree. I built a foundation around after I was finally free to make me tougher. Strong. Mould myself to be unbreakable. In order to do that, I never touch a person because touch meant intimacy and intimacy meant more. Always more. I always keep people at an arm’s length. I also was always in control. Never out of it because when I wasn’t darkness spills out of me, it hurts someone in the process with the blackness I carry. I recreated something pathetic and weak and made something strong but I knew that at any given time, it could all shatter around me. Leave me broken. I did my very best to survive, to recover from my past. Maybe my very best is an infected wound. How can anyone force more out of me when I’m already at my very best? The best thing I can only do. How could that not shatter me into pieces and leave me in a place where I can never escape out of.

With that, I drifted to sleep and silently praying that all this would be gone and go back to the way things was. But I knew reality. Reality was a bitch and fate was one too. I’ll deal with it later but right now, I decided to not question it.


Chapter 14

I woke again with noises in the background. The smell and feeling of my Alpha was near me. The feel of an omega touched me mentally. I could smell Erik, Alaric, Phillip, Violet, Indigo and Misha. Misha was our third-in-command after Alaric. Violet was a submissive that I was close with and Indigo was another Pack enforcer. A different structure entirely made up of the Pack’s soldiers.

The Sentinels who was Erik’s most trusted soldiers, they were also given the task to take down Erik if he abused the Alpha status. Below them were the enforcers who protect the Pack and the Pack’s ground. Below them were the soldiers, mostly made up of the Pack’s dominants. It suited with the Pack’s structure entirely as well as they intertwine a structure that suited the Submissives.

Maternals’ and Paternals’ were the first in that structure. Though submissives, they have the heart and spirit of a dominant; protecting fiercely of the Pack and welfare spiritually. The healers were below them, be it mentally or spiritually, they heal the Pack. Strengthening the Pack. Finally, the Spirits. They contain most of the Pack’s submissive because down to a core, a submissive seeks comfort in Dominants as well as seeking them to heal them –like Phillip try to with me. They were the strength in the Pack, teaching us Dominants love and the very touch of them can