Kate Vernon: A Tale. Vol. 1 (of 3) by Mrs. Alexander (inspirational novels .TXT) 📖

so great an inconvenience, it will not, I should think, forward your matrimonial scheme, which you'll excuse me for designating as peculiarly absurd under the circumstances."

"You may call it what you like," I replied, "though I am not aware I asked your opinion[Pg 241] about it; of course if I must give it up, I must; for I would not drag any girl into an abyss of poverty; but it will be a blow more severe than you think."

"I am no judge, and you can of course decide as you think fit, but I must say I see no reason why I should be suddenly called on to inconvenience myself to pay for the extravagance, and gratify the caprice of my half brother!"

"You have given your opinion on my conduct quite often enough; I did not come here merely to bow before your animadversions, nor am I aware you have any right to call me to account; the question is this: I have a certain charge on your estates, which will more than cover my debts, and I want you to decide whether you will aid me in getting it into my own hands or leave me to incur the expenses and difficulty of raising it indirectly. Come, Egerton, you cannot be such a cold hearted fellow, and a son of my poor father's. Pitch calculations to the Devil who in[Pg 242]vented them, and hold out a hand to help me on terra firma!"

"Well, Frederic, I am not cold hearted, but my principles are opposed to yielding to impulses which, prompted by our fallen nature, must always be evil; you certainly have a right to a sum of �10,000, the interest of which I have hitherto paid you, and could as certainly put difficulties in the way of your getting possession of it. I do not intend, however, to do so, my observations were merely to show that it was not such an easy matter for me to give you �10,000 at a moment's warning; I will, however, write to Harris about it at once; let me see, you say your debt to these Jews is between six and seven thousand, and your smaller debts something under two thousand; well, that will leave you, say, fifteen hundred to begin afresh with. I am endeavouring to serve you at my own inconvenience, I repeat. That property I purchased in Devonshire cost me more than it is worth, and situated as Providence has seen fit to place me, at the head of a strong[Pg 243] Evangelical movement, it is my lot to contribute largely towards the spread of the gospel, and Heaven forbid that I should permit the extravagance of a young wordling to curtail my means of advancing the missionary cause; therefore remember, Frederic, that this is the last time I can yield to the weakness of my disposition and furnish you with the means of clearing yourself from debt; you are old enough to judge for yourself, and if you choose to commit the folly of marrying on �1,500 or �2,000, and a commission in one of the most expensive regiments in the service our besotted rulers ever embodied, you must bear the consequences; I have told you my final decision."

"It is just what I might have expected; but, I say, Egerton, though I am perfectly aware I have no claims on you, do you mean to say you will not give me a helping hand to settle, and lead 'a new life,' as you call it. I have been brought up in luxury and expensive habits; I am incapacitated by education and association from[Pg 244] pushing my own fortune, and now, when these seeds have brought forth their fruit, I am to be cut adrift on a raft of �1,500; I would not ask you to injure or cramp yourself in the slightest degree, but is there nothing to which you can assist me, if you look about you in a brotherly spirit?"

"Really, Captain Egerton, I am at a loss to imagine what more you can expect from me; unless you wish me to resign Allerton into your own hands. I am ready to place your fortune in your own hands at once, and now you seem to think I have not done enough. Am I to supply you with the means of gratifying your whims out of my own pocket, at the expense of far higher claims?"

"Enough! enough!" cried I, "by Heavens I would rather accept a settlement in the parochial workhouse than from you, or any one, that would give it reluctantly. I do not know how you interpret the Bible, Egerton, but I remember a verse in it, that used to strike my fancy, when[Pg 245] the plate was being handed round after a charity sermon; something about compassionating a needy brother, and the concluding question, 'how dwelleth the love of God in him?' I suppose your universal brotherhood with believers leaves but a scanty remnant for the one nature provided you with; however, you say truly, I have no right to expect you will inconvenience yourself for me; pray forget that I ever lowered myself so much as to hint at such a proceeding. I shall content myself with what I am rigidly entitled to, and equally free from debt and obligation, try to find in India a wider field for ambition, or as you would term it, of 'usefulness;' let us see which of us will reap most honours."

"I am well accustomed to bear the sneers a Christian must meet in his conflict with the world; I endeavour to act up to my principles, and I hope you may see the error of your ways before it is too late."

"Oh! pious martyr! I wish it was my lot to encounter persecutions on the same terms, though,[Pg 246] by Jove, I am not sure whether in my darkened intellect, I might not consider 'Smithfield,' almost counterbalanced by a couple of hours' exhortation from some Rev. Holdforth. Don't look shocked, Egerton; but you and your dogmas have sent me three steps lower down, at least, since I came here. Religion! you conspire against its prevalence. But I need not excruciate you any longer;—any commands for town? I intend taking that particular road to ruin this evening."

"I never use strong language," said his Lordship, "it is opposed to all my principles, but I confess, Frederic, you have infinitely disgusted me: I wish you a safe journey, and, as I have promised to show the Rev. Mr. Black my model schools, the fame of which, he says, reached him even at A——, I shall now bid you good morning." He bowed formally.

"Egerton, good bye: and not for all the wealth and influence you possess, nor even for the privilege of clerical toad-eaters, would I change with you!"

[Pg 247]

So it was all up with me in a few minutes; all my plans for getting inside the shell of my brother's heart vain—or rather, there was nothing inside to get at. Good bye to peace and love, but I will have action: where were my wits that I did not go to India long ago, instead of loitering away the best years of my life in aimless frivolity? Oh! the irremediable past.

In the bitterness of self-reproach I forgot Egerton; why should I be angry with him? he acted according to the dictates of his cold nature. Quietness was torment, and a couple of hours after the above conversation I was steaming to London, en route to my agent, breathless to be doing something—anything.

[Pg 248]

CHAPTER X.
ADIEU.

London at the close of November! Can the force of human imagination conceive anything half so gloomy and dispiriting? And certainly the dreary weeks I spent there at this period have ever ranked first in my remembrance of wretchedness: the damp, drizzling, foggy condition of animate and inanimate nature—the deserted streets haunted by long strings of decrepid placard bearers whose rheumatic forms[Pg 249] seemed bowed under the huge capitals setting forth Mons. Jullien's concerts d'hiver, &c. My days were pretty equally divided between my lawyer and army agent, varied by a good deal of letter writing, and a solitary dinner at the desolate Club. Towards the middle of this purgatorial period, the regiment I was soon to call mine no more got the route for Canterbury; and Burton, like a trump as he was, came up to town to hear a fuller account of my troubles than a letter could give, and to see the most he could of me before I started to the land of military promise. He was a true-hearted fellow, and the sincere, unpretending interest with which he entered into my plans—I will not say hopes, for God knows I felt little then—did me more real good, and drew me more out of myself than the most elaborate efforts at consolation could have effected. Finally, when just about to leave me one night after a long talk over my affairs, and half out of the room, he observed, "You know, old fellow, I have always been prudent, and if a[Pg 250] few hundred pounds would be of any use to you, I would be glad of a little higher interest—they only pay two and a half at present—and the whole thing might lie over until you get some prize money in India, when I will be down on you inexorably for the compound interest, principal, and all. Now do not stir, I know my way down; we will talk it over to-morrow."

He was away before I could say a word.

"Come," thought I, as I turned to the fire, "it is worth while to bear the crosses of this world of ours, when it contains even one such fellow as that to leaven the whole lump."

Yet not even to Burton could I bear to talk of the bitter struggle it cost me to part with Kate Vernon as little more than a common acquaintance. It was weakness in me to think of it, and (I am glad I can record so much good of myself) it was a source of sincere rejoicing to me when I reflected that Miss Vernon, at all events, could not suffer from the painful regret I felt gnawing my troubled spirit.

[Pg 251]

I wrote to Colonel Vernon from London, telling him shortly of the reasons which rendered my exchange into a Regiment in India indispensable, opening my mind to him as to a father, concluding by begging him to let me spend my last few days in England under his roof, as I wished to keep the visit to be a parting impression of home. To Winter I also wrote, less fully, and lastly to Gilpin. This little primitive group, scarce five months known to me, had wound itself into my sympathies, and now, with the exception of Burton, from them alone, of all the variety of my acquaintance, was it hard to part.

"I was beginning to feel puzzled at your long silence," wrote the Colonel, in reply. "You have fully explained, and if the assurance of an old soldier's perfect approbation has any value in your eyes, accept mine; you will be truly welcome here whenever you can come; give us a day's notice, and if you have no objection to a diminutive crib, and a haunted chamber, Mrs. O'Toole[Pg 252] says we can keep you altogether under our roof. Kate desires her kind remembrances; she was delighted with your letter, which I hope I was not indiscreet in letting her see, &c." The kindly tone of this letter soothed me, and made me long to be once more among the quiet circle with whom my previous life had so little fitted me to sympathise; I hurried my preparations, and stirred up my agent so effectually, that early in December the Gazette announced "Captain the Hon. Boscawen Egerton from the —— Light Dragoons, to be Captain in the —— Lancers, vice John Thomas Robinson Brown, who exchanges."

The Regiment had not been long in India, and was stationed in the North Western Provinces, where I could have the best chance of seeing a little service.

A few final interviews with the military tailor; a parting visit to, and dinner from my old corps, who really seemed sorry to lose me; my heavy baggage dismissed to Southampton, to await the sailing of the ship in which I was to go out,[Pg 253] and I was free to give my last week in England to A——, and its attractions.

I had reserved a curious old picture, the painter unknown, which had been praised by judges; and a Louis Quatorze snuff-box