Now you're gone...forever by xhannahx (parable of the sower read online .txt) 📖

was already 10 minutes late. Hopefully he would have waited. I went into the bathroom and rinsed my face with cold water to try and make my face look a bit better. I grabbed my keys and coat and ran out the door.
I would have to finish reading the letter later.


Chapter Five

Luckily, I made it just in time. Callum’s teacher was just about to call my Mum. And if that happened, then there would have been trouble. As she weren’t coming back till later, I had to look after Callum and make his dinner. Why couldn’t we get a baby sitter? All I wanted to do was finish the letter. I couldn’t sit and read it in front of him whilst in tears, he would probably tell mum and she would start getting worried.
Mum and Dad got back from work about half six, with Callum sitting in front of the telly. She said that I needed to make sure that he wouldn’t watch too much, but I just ignored her. I really wanted to read my letter. I asked Mum if I could go out for a bit down the park and meet up with friends. Because I had been looking after Callum she let me go. I grabbed the letter, my phone and jacket and went out the door.
Of course I wasn’t seeing my friends, but I did go down the park. There wasn’t many people there, so I could simply read my letter and go back home. I found a bench to sit on and re-opened the envelope. I quickly skimmed through the letter to find where I last read.
‘Sorry I couldn’t tell you this face to face.’

I took in a deep breath and continued reading.
‘Ok, ok, I’m just going to say it. Olivia, I love you’.

What????
As you could imagine, I was startled. Part of me was overjoyed, the fact that he liked me back all this time. But the rest of me was furious, how I liked him, and he liked me, and that he’s dead. So there is no future or ever going to be a relationship. Argggg.
I was eager to find out more details, so I continued reading.
‘I know it may be a bit of a shock, and I’m sure that it doesn’t mean anything to you. But now that I’m gone, I just wanted you to know.
Love is sweet,
Love is kind,
Love is always in your mind.
I will always think about you.
Love
Charlie
X

'.
I didn’t know what to do with myself from then on. I just sat there thinking. The clouds began covering the blue sky, and the sun started to set. It was now getting dark and beginning to rain. It felt as if I were the one in the sky, crying down rain.
I took out my phone and realised that an hour had already past, I put the letter back in the envelope and tucked it in my pocket so it wouldn’t get ruined. And I began slowly walking home in the rain.


Chapter Six

My life is certainly over. Finding out about Charlie's death horrible. Finding out it was suicide was even worse. I can't describe the pain of knowing that he loved me back. I didn't know whether I should feel sad because of the death, or happy because he loved me.
It took me ages to get to sleep that night. My eyes were always gazing at the rose, which I had placed in some water, sitting on my window sill. The rose and the letter are the only things left that I have of Charlie, as I have tried to erase the memories of him from my broken heart.
On Wednesday morning, the usual and I was walking to school. Sophie and the others were acting really weird around me, I had the feeling that they were curious about the way I had been behaving.
I didn't know if I were ready to talk to people about the situation. Should I tell Sophie about Charlie and the letter? Did Joe know about what Charlie thought of me? There were too many unsolved questions. And I wanted to find the answers.


Charlie

Now I'm here, I'm always thinking whether I made the right decision. I could never go back, but I want to know how others are coping, especially Olivia...


Chapter one

The Friday before...

'Love is sweet,
Love is kind,
Love is always in your mind'

Man poetry is crap. I always hated English, but it's bad enough when you have to read pointless poems that make no sense at all, and then answer questions like: 'how has the text effectively told the story’ blah blah blah. I swear that I am never going to use this knowledge in the future. English lessons are such a pain, let alone having to have independent learning, fifth period on Friday afternoon. I want to get out of here. Although I don't want to go home...
I never want to go home...
Mr Hall is still continuing to ramble on about this week’s homework. Another thing on my to-do list that won’t be completed. I kind of wish that my life could be different, but I guess that my life at home is overpowering me, I try not to bring ‘Home Charlie’, and mix with ‘School Charlie’. If not I would unlikely have as many friends, as I’m sure if they saw the real me, no one would want to even know me. So I try and be as normal as possible, making sure that my horrible secret will never get out. It’s so awkward at home, I always try to find excuses to stay out as long as possible or go round a friend’s house, but they can’t constantly have me there, and I never want to bring anyone round.
I know that when I get home, I won’t be welcomed and feel relaxed, tension is always rising, and it has gotten even worse in the last week since Mum and Dad have been rowing again. I lock myself in my room for the whole night and play my music as loud as possible. Most kids look forward to the weekend, but I have to put my act on to try and persuade others that I do too, but I hate weekends, as I have no way that I can stay out and have a good reason.
Anyway, concentrate Charlie, listen to Mr Hall. I tried to look as focused as possible, but my head kept screaming, and that was the least of my worries. I had the strange feeling that for most of the lesson Olivia has been staring at me. Is there something wrong with my hair or something, how embarrassing. No Charlie stay focused. Ok I would be able to if Olivia doesn’t stop staring at me, I can see her in the corner of my eye. Looking amazing as usual. If only she knew how I felt, but I could never tell her…
I didn’t even notice that the bell had rung, until I saw everyone quickly running out of the classroom. I started to pack away my things when Mr Hall said “Charlie, may I have a quick word?” I gave him a slight nod and waited until everyone had left the room, for me to go towards his desk. What had I done wrong now?
“Charlie take a seat, don’t worry, you’re not getting told off”. A slight moment of relief, but I know there must have been something.
“Charlie, It’s just that we are worried about you, me and the other teachers have talked about it and are very concerned, your levels of work don’t seem to be at a higher standard than usual. Is everything ok, you know that you can tell me anything.”
Mr Hall had always been kind to me, so I would have to thank him for it, but there was no way that I was going to tell him, it would lead to more trouble, and it would be unlikely that he would want to know.
“No, no everything’s just fine, sorry, but I guess I have just been a bit distracted, you know, with all the exams coming up. I really will try harder”, I tried to sound convincing, but I don’t know whether he would buy it.
“Ok then, Charlie. But don’t you think that it would be good if we could get your parents in, it’s just I have never spoken to them, not even at parents evening. It doesn’t seem that they care very much about your education, might we be able to arrange something?” Mr Hall explained worriedly.
“Sir, I really don’t think that it’s going to be possible. My Dad has recently got a promotion, and my Mum has got a lot of chaos at work, they are so busy I don’t think they would be able to come in”, I tried very hard to come up with a good lie, but luckily I am used to it, as it is something I need to do often. But Mr Hall was right, they don’t care about my education.
“Very well then, please let me know if anything comes up. You can go, I don’t want to spoil your weekend, make sure that you do your homework. No excuses this time.”
“Yes sir, bye sir” just the mention of the weekend got me down again. I quietly left the room and made my way to the locker room.
“Charlie, over here”, it was Joe calling for me, he was obviously been waiting ages for me.
“Hey Joe, sorry about that, have you been waiting long?”
“Na, it’s alright mate, ready to go?”
“Umm, Joe…”
“Wait”, Joe interrupted, “I know, what you are going to ask, I really don’t want to let you down but, it’s just I have just given an essay due in on Monday, and I’m already behind loads of homework. Mum said that I can’t go out until I’ve done it all, and by the looks of it, it’s going to take all weekend. Really sorry mate, but why don’t you just go home, you never seem to want to go there.”
“No it’s ok, maybe I’ll see you later”.
Just another disappointment…


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Publication Date: 05-11-2012

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