Eva by Nicole M. (best motivational books TXT) 📖

What makes you so special?
Anyway. Sadie. Yeah, he’s the only person I’ve got that actually sticks around. It’s kind of nice, despite getting so trashed you barely even speak, you just go out and screw things up.
Sadie. Why’s that name so familiar?
Is it from around the time when I watched everyone die?
I better not think about it. It’s just another memory.

CHAPTER TWO: NO BREAKFAST FOR ME

I’ve passed out. But not even that can stop the memories from entering my head. And what’s worse, here they can become a mental picture and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I’m in the car with my dad, and I’m the one who’s driving. I have my permit and it’s me, my dad, my boyfriend, and two of my closest friends all going out to see a movie. Though, it’s just my dad and I in the car. My boyfriend, and friends are In the car in front of us. My boyfriend is driving. Alexis and Lana are in the backseat. We all would’ve gone in the same car if it hadn’t been for the fact that this IS my dad’s car, and it only holds two people.
We’re driving and we’re approaching a traffic light, the light is green. We’re driving through it, and then it happens. Out of nowhere comes a giant green truck, and crashes into the car in front of us. The car holding three of the most important people in my life.
The car goes flying, being pushed along by the impact of the truck, and it slammed into two more vehicles. The car catches fire, and I struggle to get my seatbelt off. My arms are trembling. And once I’m finally out, I find myself running in the middle of the street to the burning car. My dad is yelling at me to get back, but I’m not listening. I quickly grab onto the handle to the door of the backseat, trying to open it before the flames spread. It won’t open, it’s too smashed in. I look in the window, no one is moving, which means either they’re all dead, or just unconscious. I run over to the other side, nearly tripping over myself. The driver’s door also too smashed in to open, but the back door on this side, opens without giving too much of a fight. I see Alexis, she’s unconscious. I grab her by the shoulders and manage to drag her out of the car and onto the road. She’s got several cuts from broken glass on her neck and arms. But not much more.
By the time I look up, flames have almost completely engulfed the car. If Lana and my boyfriend weren’t dead before, they are now. I’m up and running towards the car now, my voice loud, shaky, and frantic as I’m shouting out my boyfriend’s, and Lana’s names. There are people getting out of their cars and rushing over, I can hear sirens in the distance getting closer and closer. Someone, an adult, grabs me from behind shouting at me to stay away from the car or I’ll get caught in the fire. I’m kicking and crying, and shouting. The person is strong, and won’t be letting me go. I’m still shouting out names, but focusing more on my boyfriend. It all feels like slow motion, being held back by this person, watching the flames destroy the car and the people inside of it, my screams. I can only watch as my boyfriend and one of my best friends are killed. I can’t do anything to save them. Am I really so useless?
Police, an Ambulance, and Fire Rescue have arrived, and the flames are put out. Now all I see besides the remainings of the car, are the two corpses that were once inside that vehicle. And I can’t help but let out a long, ear shattering scream. I feel as though it’s not real, like it never really happened, like this is just a normal nightmare. But it’s not, because it did happen. And there are just some emotions that can’t be explained. So, I hide them under my masks. I go out, get trashed, and act like nothing’s wrong, like I’m just doing it all because I’m bored. But it’s not like that at all. And no one knows.
That’s wrong. One guy knows.
The same thing kept repeating in my head, the sound of my voice, screaming my boyfriends name. Over and over and over again. Everything is black.
Why is it so hard to remember his name? I can feel myself screaming his name, but it’s not making any sound.
Oh, that’s right, he shares the same name as a friend I’ve made here.
Maybe that’s why, when I moved here I was drawn to him from the beginning, and was dying to know him, because he and my boyfriend shared the same name.
My boyfriend’s name was Sadie.

When Sadie and I met just after I moved here, he only knew me by how I looked. We met in school, and he’d forgotten my name. He sat next to me. He and I started talking, about several things. Stuff like, what we do in spare time, what interests we have, our parents.. Though, I was only really able to explain what my father was like and what happened to him, and how I really didn’t know what my mother was like. He understood. He had no parents. His dad killed his mom two summers ago, and was taken to prison. So, he ended up going to a neighbor and living there.
In my dream, he was sitting in his desk and I was sitting in mine. He was taking note of my appearance. Short black hair, dark green eyes, not very tall, small frame, almost anorexic looking.
That was a little over a year ago. Since then, I’ve lost weight, which doesn’t help with the fact that people assume I’m anorexic. My hair has grown longer, and has gone from a pixie cut, to my shoulders. And I’m a little taller.
Since then, we walked together after school, hung out at night, talked on the phone. Every happy memory I can recall that doesn’t bring pain, has him in it. And then there was one day, he asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him about what happened, how he was burnt alive and I couldn’t do a single thing to stop it. He found it funny how he and my boyfriend had the same names though, which, I guess when you think about it, it kind of funny.
I was wearing a green shirt, and black jeans, we were walking after school, and he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I started to blush, but I was looking at him with a frown. I went on to explain how in a way, I still have a boyfriend, he’s just not here with me anymore. And he didn’t make a big deal of it, so I guess he understood. And in all honesty, I don’t think I thought of him in that way. Or maybe I did. I don’t remember. But after that we both agreed to be friends. Rather good friends at that.

My eyes are open now. What’s this..? Am I crying?
“Natalie, are you awake yet?” I heard my mother shouting.
“Oh, uh.. Yes mother!” I shouted back, wiping away my tears and finding my balance as I stood.
“I made breakfast! Eggs and toast!” She sounded quite joyful. That’s not like her. This is the first time she’s sounded like this, and has made breakfast out of the whole time I’ve been here. What’s with her?
Holy fuck, when did my room become so messy? Or, has it been like this the whole time? I really should clean it. Wait, what’s that on my desk? It’s a picture. As I stumble up to it I can feel my eyes grow wide, and I can feel tears coming on. It’s a picture of Alexis and I. Both of us look like hell. I guess it was because crying so much over Sadie’s and Lana’s death made us a bit oblivious to our health. This was taken just before-
“Natalie? Come on, it’s going to get cold!” I heard my mother shout.
“Coming!” I replied, quickly shuffling out of my room.
That picture was taken just before Alexis killed herself. Exactly three weeks before it.
It wasn’t just my room that was a mess. The whole house was. But, my guess is that mother had gotten up early, and attempted to clean. On the table sat two plates. Both had eggs and toast. In one chair sat my mother. That’s what it was, she’d been waiting for me. She wants to talk to me, because she’s suspicious about what I’ve been up to. Well… Fuck.
I sat down slowly, staring at my plate, avoiding her eyes.
“Good morning, Natalie.” She smiled, acting as if nothing was wrong. But I can tell she’s not completely sober.
“’Morning.” I mumbled. Poking my eggs with a fork.
“You’ve been doing it again..” She said, her voice now flat.
“I’ve been doing what again?” I still was not looking at her.
“You were screaming in your sleep.. It’s been happening more often lately, just like when you first came to live with me and.. I want to help you. I know this place is a mess, but I’ll try to clean it, and maybe then we can spend some time together, you know, act like a family,” She paused, “And maybe I can get you into some therapy. I‘ve just been so tired lately, and I don‘t know why, but I‘ll try and make this better.” She added.
“I don’t need therapy,” I lied. “And I don’t need you pretending like I know nothing. You know exactly why you’re always ‘so tired’, and so do I. You’re not really tired. You’re just too busy drinking your life away, that you’re always passed out.” I’m still staring at my plate. I’m feeling surprisingly calm, but I can feel her eyes burning into me. But I can’t help but feel a tad bit bad about this. She wasn’t suspicious of me, she was worried.
“I.. Why, I don’t know what you’re talking about Nat, I’m not a drinker.” She was horrible at acting.
“Oh? Is that why every time I see you ‘asleep’ you’ve always got the bottle in your hand, and several others around you?” I mumbled, getting up from the table. “It’s no use, you’re not fooling anyone. You’re always drunk, and you know it. You’re acting like everything is fine, well you know what? It’s not fine, and you’re just now all of a sudden ‘so willing’ to try and make things right? It’s too late for that now. Where were you when I needed you, mother? You sure as hell weren’t here.” My voice started to break. “Look, I’ve got to run. Sadie and I are going to hang out.” I started for the door.
“You haven’t even eaten yet,” She pouted like a sad dog.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Well, where are you and Sadie going to hang out?”
“Anywhere but near here.”
And that was it. I stepped over empty alcohol bottles, soda cans, and food wrappers. I opened the door, and that’s when the tears started to roll. I heard my mother in the kitchen, she was crying.
Great, now she’s gone and made me cry too. I went to wipe my tears