The Diary of a Superfluous Man by Ivan Turgenev (book suggestions TXT) 📖

soon as he had dropped into a chair, 'is my friend's condition serious? What do you think?'

'Yes,' answered the fat man, tranquilly.

'And...is it very serious?'

'Yes, it's serious.'

'So that he may...even die?'

'He may.'

I confess I looked almost with hatred at the fat man.

'Good heavens!' I began; 'we must take some steps, call a consultation, or something. You know we can't...Mercy on us!'

'A consultation?--quite possible; why not? It's possible. Call in Ivan Efremitch....'

The doctor spoke with difficulty, and sighed continually. His stomach heaved perceptibly when he spoke, as it were emphasising each word.

'Who is Ivan Efremitch?'

'The parish doctor.'

'Shouldn't we send to the chief town of the province? What do you think? There are sure to be good doctors there.'

'Well! you might.'

'And who is considered the best doctor there?'

'The best? There was a doctor Kolrabus there ... only I fancy he's been transferred somewhere else. Though I must own there's no need really to send.'

'Why so?'

'Even the best doctor will be of no use to your friend.'

'Why, is he so bad?'

'Yes, he's run down.' 'In what way precisely is he ill?'

'He received a wound.... The lungs were affected in consequence ... and then he's taken cold too, and fever was set up ... and so on. And there's no reserve force; a man can't get on, you know yourself, with no reserve force.'

We were both silent for a while.

'How about trying homoeopathy?...' said the fat man, with a sidelong glance at me.

'Homoeopathy? Why, you're an allopath, aren't you?'

'What of that? Do you think I don't understand homoeopathy? I understand it as well as the other! Why, the chemist here among us treats people homeopathically, and he has no learned degree whatever.'

'Oh,' I thought, 'it's a bad look-out!...'

'No, doctor,' I observed, 'you had better treat him according to your usual method.'

'As you please.'

The fat man got up and heaved a sigh.

'You are going to him? 'I asked.

'Yes, I must have a look at him.'

And he went out.

I did not follow him; to see him at the bedside of my poor, sick friend was more than I could stand. I called my man and gave him orders to drive at once to the chief town of the province, to inquire there for the best doctor, and to bring him without fail. There was a slight noise in the passage. I opened the door quickly.

The doctor was already coming out of Pasinkov's room.

'Well?' I questioned him in a whisper.

'It's all right. I have prescribed a mixture.'

'I have decided, doctor, to send to the chief town. I have no doubt of your skill, but as you're aware, two heads are better than one.'

'Well, that's very praiseworthy!' responded the fat man, and he began to descend the staircase. He was obviously tired of me.

I went in to Pasinkov.

'Have you seen the local Aesculapius?' he asked.

'Yes,' I answered.

'What I like about him,' remarked Pasinkov, 'is his astounding composure. A doctor ought to be phlegmatic, oughtn't he? It's so encouraging for the patient.'

I did not, of course, try to controvert this.

Towards the evening, Pasinkov, contrary to my expectations, seemed better. He asked Elisei to set the samovar, announced that he was going to regale me with tea, and drink a small cup himself, and he was noticeably more cheerful. I tried, though, not to let him talk, and seeing that he would not be quiet, I asked him if he would like me to read him something. 'Just as at Winterkeller's--do you remember?' he answered. 'If you will, I shall be delighted. What shall we read? Look, there are my books in the window.'...

I went to the window and took up the first book that my hand chanced upon....

'What is it?' he asked.

'Lermontov.'

'Ah, Lermontov! Excellent! Pushkin is greater, no doubt.... Do you remember: "Once more the storm-clouds gather close Above me in the perfect calm" ... or, "For the last time thy image sweet In thought I dare caress." Ah! marvellous! marvellous! But Lermontov's fine too. Well, I'll tell you what, dear boy: you take the book, open it by chance, and read what you find!'

I opened the book, and was disconcerted; I had chanced upon 'The Last Will.' I tried to turn over the page, but Pasinkov noticed my action and said hurriedly: 'No, no, no, read what turned up.'

There was no getting out of it; I read 'The Last Will.'

[Footnote: THE LAST WILL

Alone with thee, brother,
I would wish to be;
On earth, so they tell me,
I have not long to stay,
Soon you will go home:
See that ... But nay! for my fate
To speak the truth, no one
Is very greatly troubled.

But if any one asks ...

Well, whoever may ask,
Tell them that through the breast
I was shot by a bullet;
That I died honourably for the Tsar,
That our doctors are not much good,
And that to my native land
I send a humble greeting.

My father and mother, hardly
Will you find living....
I'll own I should be sorry
That they should grieve for me.]

'Splendid thing!' said Pasinkov, directly I had finished the last verse. 'Splendid thing!

But, it's queer,' he added, after a brief pause, 'it's queer you should have chanced just on that.... Queer.'

I began to read another poem, but Pasinkov was not listening to me; he looked away, and twice he repeated again: 'Queer!'

I let the book drop on my knees.

'"There is a girl, their neighbour,"' he whispered, and turning to me he asked--'I say, do you remember Sophia Zlotnitsky?'

I turned red.

'I should think I did!'

'She was married, I suppose?...'

'To Asanov, long, long ago. I wrote to you about it.'

* * * * *


But if either of them is living,
Say I am lazy about writing,
That our regiment has been sent forward,
And that they must not expect me home.

There is a girl, their neighbour....
As you remember, it's long
Since we parted.... She will not
Ask for me.... All the same,
You tell her all the truth,
Don't spare her empty heart--
Let her weep a little....
It will not hurt her much!

'To be sure, to be sure, so you did. Did her father forgive her in the end?'

'He forgave her; but he would not receive Asanov.'

'Obstinate old fellow! Well, and are they supposed to be happy?'

'I don't know, really...I fancy they 're happy. They live in the country, in ---- province. I've never seen them, though I have been through their parts.'

'And have they any children?'

'I think so.... By the way, Pasinkov?...' I began questioningly.

He glanced at me.

'Confess--do you remember, you were unwilling to answer my question at the time--did you tell her I cared for her?'

'I told her everything, the whole truth.... I always told her the truth. To be hypocritical with her would have been a sin!'

Pasinkov was silent for a while.

'Come, tell me,' he began again: 'did you soon get over caring for her, or not?'

'Not very soon, but I got over it. What's the good of sighing in vain?'

Pasinkov turned over, facing me.

'Well, I, brother,' he began--and his lips were quivering--'am no match for you there; I've not got over caring for her to this day.'

'What!' I cried in indescribable amazement; 'did you love her?'

'I loved her,' said Pasinkov slowly, and he put both hands behind his head. 'How I loved her, God only knows. I've never spoken of it to any one, to any one in the world, and I never meant to ... but there! "On earth, so they tell me, I have not long to stay." ... What does it matter?'

Pasinkov's unexpected avowal so utterly astonished me that I could positively say nothing. I could only wonder, 'Is it possible? how was it I never suspected it?'

'Yes,' he went on, as though speaking to himself, 'I loved her. I never ceased to love her even when I knew her heart was Asanov's. But how bitter it was for me to know that! If she had loved you, I should at least have rejoiced for you; but Asanov.... How did he make her care for him? It was just his luck! And change her feelings, cease to care, she could not! A true heart does not change....'

I recalled Asanov's visit after the fatal dinner, Pasinkov's intervention, and I could not help flinging up my hands in astonishment.

'You learnt it all from me, poor fellow!' I cried; 'and you undertook to go and see her then!'

'Yes,' Pasinkov began again; 'that explanation with her ... I shall never forget it.' It was then I found out, then I realised the meaning of the word I had chosen for myself long before: resignation. But still she has remained my constant dream, my ideal.... And he's to be pitied who lives without an ideal!'

I looked at Pasinkov; his eyes, fastened, as it were, on the distance, shone with feverish brilliance.

'I loved her,' he went on, 'I loved her, her, calm, true, unapproachable, incorruptible; when she went away, I was almost mad with grief.... Since then I have never cared for any one.'...

And suddenly turning, he pressed his face into the pillow, and began quietly weeping.

I jumped up, bent over him, and began trying to comfort him....

'It's no matter,' he said, raising his head and shaking back his hair; 'it's nothing; I felt a little bitter, a little sorry ... for myself, that is.... But it's all no matter. It's all the fault of those verses. Read me something else, more cheerful.'

I took up Lermontov and began hurriedly turning over the pages; but, as fate would have it, I kept coming across poems likely to agitate Pasinkov again. At last I read him 'The Gifts of Terek.'

'Jingling rhetoric!' said my poor friend, with the tone of a preceptor; 'but there are fine passages. Since I saw you, brother, I've tried my hand at poetry, and began one poem--"The Cup of Life"--but it didn't come off! It's for us, brother, to appreciate, not to create.... But I'm rather tired; I'll sleep a little--what do you say? What a splendid thing sleep is, come to think of it! All our life's a dream, and the best thing in it is dreaming too.'

'And poetry?' I queried.

'Poetry's a dream too, but a dream of paradise.'

Pasinkov closed his eyes.

I stood for a little while at his bedside. I did not think he would