The Doctor And The Tinpan by Stephen Hawkins (the beach read .TXT) 📖

His ribs hurt badly, but Kate was with him. She had tended to him and bandaged him up.

As she cuddled up beside him in the darkened room, Kate heard the Doc cough and splutter as he took a slug from the Bourbon bottle. She recalled an old man. He had white hair and sounded foreign. She had hardly understood a word he had said.

"That Tinpan, Red Culpepper. Him and some Doctor, I think. They helped you."


As the liquor burned in his throat, the Doc wheezed. "Well, I don't rightly recollect. All I can recall was passing out. Next thing I remember was seeing your comely face."

"Aww..." Kate kissed him. "Well, either ways, it was kindly of them bringing you back here."

The Doc thought so too. "Yeah, I reckon so. I'm indebted to them."

Kate kissed his brow. "Hush John," she whispered. "You rest up some."

The Doc smiled in the darkness. "You know what, Kate? I'm just thinking on how I might die."

Kate knew he had consumption and was likely dying, but she'd never say that. "You'll be fine," she said.

The Doc grinned. "Well, it don't matter none, but -" He wiggled his sockless toes, "I ain't gonna die without my boots on. A man's got his pride."

***

Tombstone.

October 26th, 1881

3am.

In the Occidental saloon, a few hardy patrons stood at the bar sharing smalltalk with the saloonkeeper. Some ways back, Red Culpepper sat at one of the tables. He had a bottle of whiskey and a glass. He poured himself another shot.

A belly-full of liquor made all things possible. And as Red blearily eyed the black-suited, and pasty-faced, white-haired Doctor sitting opposite him, he could almost believe what he'd seen in the barn. The stranger's wagon... it had no wheels. How in creation did it move? And why did it look like a damn hut with a door on the outside?

Red shook his head. He thought that if his mule hadn't nickered at him, he would have gone plain loco. But then, what of the picture show in the stranger's wagon? Mushroom clouds? Hell, he didn't know what to make of it all, but then, there was one thing he did know about.

"Hey, mister. That nugget you bought the whiskey with. Is there any more where that came from?"

Across the table, the teetotal Time Lord sipped from a glass of water as he replied: "Oh yes, we have an abundance of the mineral on my home planet. Gold, as you call it, is completely worthless there."

"Don't say?" Red's eyes brightened. "Well, you won't mind giving me all you got then."

The Time Lord laughed. "You'll get what's coming to you, Mister Culpepper. Now, can we get back to what I was saying?"

At the prospect of gold filling his pockets, Red duly nodded.

"You go right ahead, mister. I'm listening real good."

"Yes well," the Time Lord replied. "As I was saying, the president in the year we visited -- 2020, was one Billy Joe Clanton who is a direct descendant of someone you know as... Billy Clanton."

Red's eyes boggled. "You don't say? Hell, I can tell you a story about him."

"Can you, indeed?"

"Damn right I can." Red slugged the whiskey down in one gulp. "Ahh... that's good. Yeah well..." He wiped his mouth and poured another. "He stole Wyatt Earp's -- horse, you know? Well, Wyatt went and confronted Billy about it."

"Do go on," the Time Lord said.

"Well, Billy said it was finders keepers," Red said. "There was a standoff with him and Wyatt, but in the end, Billy backed down and Wyatt took his horse back. Anyhow, they got differences and don't like each other none."

"Yes well, I suspect they will settle their differences today," the Time Lord assured him. "The future dictates that one or the other of them will cease to be."

Red puffed his cheeks. "All this fancy talk, mister. Hell, I wish you'd just talk plain. Hey -" He saw his 'pardner' standing - "You leaving?"

The Time Lord smiled. "Using a table for pillow talk is not my custom. I'll leave that to your good self."

"Uh?" Red didn't rightly care. "Well, that's up to you, mister. I got all the company I need. The whiskey here and me have got right acquainted."

"So I see," the Time Lord replied. "Then I'll say goodnight to you, Mister Culpepper."

"Uh?" Red could think straight when he needed to. "What about the gold you promised me?"

"Ah yes, I haven't forgotten, but the day is young," the Time Lord replied. "Much can happen between now and tonight." Then with a wry grin, he added: "Wait until the dust settles, then I'll settle my debt with you. You know where to find me."

"Wait until the dust settles? Why? What's gonna happen?" Red wanted to know.

"A storm is brewing, Mister Culpepper. And it's closer than you think."

"Damn if I know what you mean," Red said.

Just then, the appearance in the saloon of a big, swarthy looking man with whiskers, and a cold glint in his eyes made Red look-see who it was. The man wore dusty cowboy duds, a cattleman's hat, and a bandanna. He had no gun-belt on.

Ike Clanton. Red didn't want to be troubling him. That's when he remembered his pardner's vanishing trick with the pencil. He could get them from one place to another in a puff of smoke.

"Say - " Red's head swiveled round. "What about-? Uh-?" Pardner?"Where the hell-? Darn it! What about me-?"

The Time Lord had already done the trick.

***

Later that morning, Doc Holliday woke up feeling dandy, and as he sat on the four-poster bed in his long-pants pulling on his socks, he heard Kate snoring behind him.

"Damn it," he grinned to himself. "An' she wonders why I drink so. How else can a man sleep?"

For a moment, he stopped and thought some. He remembered Ike Clanton giving him a beating; then he remembered passing out. After that, it seemed like he'd been dreaming. He remembered the faces of some stranger, and the old Tinpan, Red Culpepper giving him a helping hand. And hell, if it didn't feel like he'd been levitating...

The Doc laughed at his own foolishness. "Okay, let's go see Wyatt. Maybe he wants some teeth pulling."

After cleaning himself up, the Doc headed for the courthouse. He thought it likely to find the Earps there.

***

Earlier, a roostered Ike Clanton had snuck a rifle from behind the bar of the Occidental saloon, and ran off down the street threatening to shoot the first Earp he saw.

When Virgil heard about it, he called his brother Morgan. Then he loaded his ten-gauge, sawn-off shotgun. When his brother arrived, they went looking for Ike. They found him, but by the time they did, the whiskey had caught up with the cowboy, and he was sleeping face down at a table in the Occidental saloon.

Morgan seized the offending rifle from under Ike's nose. As he did so, Virgil shoved the
cocked shotgun barrels into Ike's gaping mouth. Woken so rudely, Ike looked kind of speechless with his mouth full. Then Virgil said to him...

"I'm arresting you for violating the town ordinance. You gonna come peaceable, or do you wanna eat this?"

In the circumstances, Ike put his hands up. Morgan cuffed him and helped him to his feet. After that, Virgil removed the barrels from Ike's mouth and motioned with the shotgun...

"Now move."

As the big man lumbered towards the exit, Virgil followed. He kept his cocked shotgun aimed at the cowboy's back. He didn't anticipate any trouble. As for Morgan, the sight of Red Culpepper sleeping at another table reminded him of the night before...

"Can you manage, Virgil? I need to speak with this man."

His brother nodded. "I'll be fine. I'll see you in the courthouse."

Morgan nodded, and as Ike Clanton and Virgil left the saloon, he walked over to the Tinpan's table. An empty whiskey bottle said a lot, as Morgan started shaking the man's shoulder...

"Come on, now. Wake up, old timer."

It took a few seconds to get any response. Then...

"Uh? What-?"

For a moment, Red thought the black duds belonged to his pardner, but then he saw the gun-belt, and the wide-brimmed black hat.

"Marshall?"

"I've been looking for you, Red," Morgan replied.

"Oh? Why's that?" Red blinked a lot as he tried to unscramble his brains.


"Wyatt and I saw you and some stranger helping the Doc last night," Morgan said. "Where did you go? Is the Doc alright? I want answers, and I want them now."

Red scratched his head. "Yeah, yeah. Well, I got railroaded into helping out. The stranger said he was a doctor."

"What doctor?"

"A traveling doctor," Red replied. "Just passing through, he said. I bumped into him down by the OK Corral. He's got his wagon there. Anyways, he wanted the saloon and I said I'd show him. That's when we saw Doc Holliday lying in the street. The stranger said he could treat him."

"And did he?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, we took the Doc back to the stranger's wagon. He gave the Doc some medicine and then we took him back to his room. That's all there is to it, Marshall."

Morgan thought about it. "Well, I didn't see any wagon by the Corral."

Red shrugged. "He must have gone already."

"Hmm. Well, I'm gonna look into this. In the meantime, I don't want you leaving town. You hear?"

Red wasn't planning to. "I hear you, Marshall."

***

For disturbing the peace, Ike Clanton was fined $25, but when the judge made his ruling, Ike pointed at his accusers, Virgil and Wyatt Earp who were sitting way back in the courtroom.

"You Earps are living on borrowed time, " he bawled. "We're coming for you! You'd better believe it! You Unionist shits!"

Wyatt got riled and replied: "If you are so anxious to make a fight, I will go anywhere on Earth to make a fight with you."

"Well, don't go too far!" Ike blared across the courtroom. "Today will be just fine!"

Wyatt retaliated. "You should go home, Ike. You talk too much for a fighting man!"

Later, on his way out of the court, Wyatt chanced upon Ike Clanton's friend, Frank McLaury. Wyatt was still upset from his confrontation with Ike and seeing a McLaury walking his way didn't sweeten his disposition. "What do you want?" he snapped at the cowboy.

A hard case, Frank McLaury would kill a man if pressed. But he had come in unarmed.

"I want nothing with you, Earp. I'm here to collect Ike," he said. "But maybe you pig-shits have killed him, already."

Wyatt drew his gun. McLaury laughed to see it. Folk in the street were watching.

"Go ahead, kill me. It'd be worth it if I knew your head would swing."

Wyatt feigned to turn away, and then flipping the pistol over to grip the barrel, he swung around and pistol-whipped McLaury hard on the head. Everyone saw it