Sketches by Boz, illustrative of everyday life and every-day people by Charles Dickens (books to get back into reading txt) đ
- Author: Charles Dickens
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âI put in a good many distresses in my time (continued Mr. Bung), and in course I wasnât long in finding, that some people are not as much to be pitied as others are, and that people with good incomes who get into difficulties, which they keep patching up day after day and week after week, get so used to these sort of things in time, that at last they come scarcely to feel them at all. I remember the very first place I was put in possession of, was a gentlemanâs house in this parish here, that everybody would suppose couldnât help having money if he tried. I went with old Fixem, my old master, âbout half arter eight in the morning; rang the area-bell; servant in livery opened the door: âGovernor at home?âââYes, he is,â says the man; âbut heâs breakfasting just now.â âNever mind,â says Fixem, âjust you tell him thereâs a gentleman here, as wants to speak to him partickler.â So the servant he opens his eyes, and stares about him all waysâlooking for the gentleman, as it struck me, for I donât think anybody but a man as was stone-blind would mistake Fixem for one; and as for me, I was as seedy as a cheap cowcumber. Howsâever, he turns round, and goes to the breakfast-parlour, which was a little snug sort of room at the end of the passage, and Fixem (as we always did in that profession), without waiting to be announced, walks in arter him, and before the servant could get out, âPlease, sir, hereâs a man as wants to speak to you,â looks in at the door as familiar and pleasant as may be. âWho the devil are you, and how dare you walk into a gentlemanâs house without leave?â says the master, as fierce as a bull in fits. âMy name,â says Fixem, winking to the master to send the servant away, and putting the warrant into his hands folded up like a note, âMy nameâs Smith,â says he, âand I called from Johnsonâs about that business of Thompsonâs.âââOh,â says the other, quite down on him directly, âHow _is_ Thompson?â says he; âPray sit down, Mr. Smith: John, leave the room.â Out went the servant; and the gentleman and Fixem looked at one another till they couldnât look any longer, and then they varied the amusements by looking at me, who had been standing on the mat all this time. âHundred and fifty pounds, I see,â said the gentleman at last. âHundred and fifty pound,â said Fixem, âbesides cost of levy, sheriffâs poundage, and all other incidental expenses.âââUm,â says the gentleman, âI shanât be able to settle this before to-morrow afternoon.âââVery sorry; but I shall be obliged to leave my man here till then,â replies Fixem, pretending to look very miserable over it. âThatâs very unfortânate,â says the gentleman, âfor I have got a large party here to-night, and Iâm ruined if those fellows of mine get an inkling of the matterâjust step here, Mr. Smith,â says he, after a short pause. So Fixem walks with him up to the window, and after a good deal of whispering, and a little chinking of suverins, and looking at me, he comes back and says, âBung, youâre a handy fellow, and very honest I know. This gentleman wants an assistant to clean the plate and wait at table to-day, and if youâre not particularly engaged,â says old Fixem, grinning like mad, and shoving a couple of suverins into my hand, âheâll be very glad to avail himself of your services.â Well, I laughed: and the gentleman laughed, and we all laughed; and I went home and cleaned myself, leaving Fixem there, and when I went back, Fixem went away, and I polished up the plate, and waited at table, and gammoned the servants, and nobody had the least idea I was in possession, though it very nearly came out after all; for one of the last gentlemen who remained, came down-stairs into the hall where I was sitting pretty late at night, and putting half-a-crown into my hand, says, âHere, my man,â says he, ârun and get me a coach, will you?â I thought it was a do, to get me out of the house, and was just going to say so, sulkily enough, when the gentleman (who was up to everything) came running down-stairs, as if he was in great anxiety. âBung,â says he, pretending to be in a consuming passion. âSir,â says I. âWhy the devil anât you looking after that plate?âââI was just going to send him for a coach for me,â says the other gentleman. âAnd I was just a-going to say,â says IââAnybody else, my dear fellow,â interrupts the master of the house, pushing me down the passage to get out of the wayââanybody else; but I have put this man in possession of all the plate and valuables, and I cannot allow him on any consideration whatever, to leave the house. Bung, you scoundrel, go and count those forks in the breakfast-parlour instantly.â You may be sure I went laughing pretty hearty when I found it was all right. The money was paid next day, with the addition of something else for myself, and that was the best job that I (and I suspect old Fixem too) ever got in that line.
âBut this is the bright side of the picture, sir, after all,â resumed Mr. Bung, laying aside the knowing look and flash air, with which he had repeated the previous anecdoteââand Iâm sorry to say, itâs the side one sees very, very seldom, in comparison with the dark one. The civility which money will purchase, is rarely extended to those who have none; and thereâs a consolation even in being able to patch up one difficulty, to make way for another, to which very poor people are strangers. I was once put into a house down Georgeâs-yardâthat little dirty court at the back of the gas-works; and I never shall forget the misery of them people, dear me! It was a distress for half a yearâs rentâtwo pound ten, I think. There was only two rooms in the house, and as there was no passage, the lodgers up-stairs always went through the room of the people of the house, as they passed in and out; and every time they did soâwhich, on the average, was about four times every quarter of an hourâthey blowed up quite frightful: for their things had been seized too, and included in the inventory. There was a little piece of enclosed dust in front of the house, with a cinder-path leading up to the door, and an open rain-water butt on one side. A dirty striped curtain, on a very slack string, hung in the window, and a little triangular bit of broken looking-glass rested on the sill inside. I suppose it was meant for the peopleâs use, but their appearance was so wretched, and so miserable, that Iâm certain they never could have plucked up courage to look themselves in the face a second time, if they survived the fright of doing so once. There was two or three chairs, that might have been worth, in their best days, from eightpence to a shilling a-piece; a small deal table, an old corner cupboard with nothing in it, and one of those bedsteads which turn up half way, and leave the bottom legs sticking out for you to knock your head against, or hang your hat upon; no bed, no bedding. There was an old sack, by way of rug, before the fireplace, and four or five children were grovelling about, among the sand on the floor. The execution was only put in, to get âem out of the house, for there was nothing to take to pay the expenses; and here I stopped for three days, though that was a mere form too: for, in course, I knew, and we all knew, they could never pay the money. In one of the chairs, by the side of the place where the fire ought to have been, was an old âoomanâthe ugliest and dirtiest I ever seeâwho sat rocking herself backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, without once stopping, except for an instant now and then, to clasp together the withered hands which, with these exceptions, she kept constantly rubbing upon her knees, just raising and depressing her fingers convulsively, in time to the rocking of the chair. On the other side sat the mother with an infant in her arms, which cried till it cried itself to sleep, and when it âwoke, cried till it cried itself off again. The old âoomanâs voice I never heard: she seemed completely stupefied; and as to the motherâs, it would have been better if she had been so too, for misery had changed her to a devil. If you had heard how she cursed the little naked children as was rolling on the floor, and seen how
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