The Christmas Bordello by Mike Marino (best books for students to read .TXT) š
- Author: Mike Marino
Book online Ā«The Christmas Bordello by Mike Marino (best books for students to read .TXT) šĀ». Author Mike Marino
Merry Creepy Christmas Toys
Move over Barbieā¦.your pink dollhouse has been condemned. Itās being replaced this year by a whole new doll babe in the toy āhoodā¦.Barbie De Sade and her Playhouse Dungeon! Momāsā¦.you may want to think twice about this perverse present unless you have prior experience with whips and cuffs. You know, that blind date with the inbred cousin of your first girl on girl crush!
Then there is the Pee Wee Herman Pussycat Theater Dollhouse with a motion activated Pee Wee Doll with authentic hand movements that will fool even the perverted Ken doll sitting erect next to him! Talk about doing that crazy hand jive!!! The perfect gift for that never been married neighbor man down the street who names all his pet cats after porn queens of the silver screen! (Playset come with two films, āLolita Loves Your Lollipopā and āCatholic School Girls Do the Vaticanā where they must choose - Puberty or Piety? In the end..so to speakā¦.they get their cherry popped by the pope! (extra porn films sold separately including the critically acclaimed but bannedā101 Dalmatians: Canine Rape Gang Attacks the Humane Society During Pet Adoption Weekā
For the little child who spends a lot of time still sleeping with mama even though he is 14, why not give the little psycho tyke a treat with his own bag of toy serial killers. Heāll delight clowning around with the John Wayne Gacy Killer Klowns or the Jeffrey Dahmer Bake and Shake Oven with Menu. Comes complete with an electric drill and a psychosis!
Had enough of politics for this lifetime? Then get yourself a set of Rock āem Sock āem Killery-Trump Robots. Comes with a āFeel the Bernā Bernie Sanders Burnout Referee who will declare who ever scares him the most ā¦.the winna!!! Love Political Horror Films? Then youāll want to order a special edition Jill āFrankenā Stein Collection of āI Was Hillaryās Love Slaveā where Jill goes down for the countā¦.and the recount.
Board games are always fun! This years fave is Charlie Sheen and Kanyeās āMental Breakdown Trivial Pursuitā Freak out your friends when you draw the special Rant Your Ass Off Card and babble incoherently for hours then walk out of the room mid game and come back with your very own Phil Spector Pistol set and dare anyone to leave the game!
You can also play Lady Di Celebrity Paris Escape: The European Cocaine Edition or the Mother Teresa Leper Colony Candyland Game where you make it atop the Big Rock Candy Mountain or your opponent can send you to debilitating death in a village of disease. More fun than last yearās āCancer Ward!ā
Make it a Merry Creepy Christmas and stuff some trauma in a personās stocking.
Chapter 14 - Pop Culture Christmas
Pop Culture Christmas
Buying a present for Superman isnāt as easy you think. Heās already got X-Ray vision to grab a sneak peek in the Victoriaās Secrets dressing rooms. Now thatās a super power Iād like to have! OK, so maybe a new cape from the Caped Crusaders Big and Tall Menās Shoppe, the Mens Warehouse of Super Garb for comic book crime fighters. I guarantee it! Plus if heās been a bad superboy this year...leave a 5 pound chunk of Kristmas Kryptonite in his leotards!
Many male super heroes like to wear form fitting tights to show off muscle mass not to mention that tell tale ballet bulge that makes people yell with excitement...Look Up in the sky...Itās a birdā¦.itās a planeā¦.itās Genital Man! Yep, Supe showing off once again as he does a fly by with his rudder showing looking for Lois Laneās tail windā¦.
Batman is another story altogether. He shops for leather, leather and more leather and gets his jollyās perusing the Marquis de Sade Boy Wonder Emporium. Cape and mask sold separately. Oh, the mask...come with some sort of animal ears. To make his Christmas rock...make sure to give him a basket of gingerbread cookies in the shape of bats so he can pretend heās Ozzy Osbourne with milk, cookies and cocaine.
Betty Boop is always a joy to buy for. Black frilly short skirt with a false eyelash makeover kit and a riding crop to stuff in her boop boop de boop. Throw in an evening she can spend drunk in a sleazy motel with Jessica Rabbit and hot damn...Lesbi-toon heaven.
Who can forget Uncle Keith Richards...Santaās favorite doper. Make Keith merry this season with a custom hypodermic needle kit. You can pick one up off the lawn in Tompkins Square Park in New York City on any given Saturday night. Talk about a Christmas rushā¦.itās the gift that keeps on giving.
Christmas with the Clintons? How about a copy of the Anarchists Cookbook or the complete special edition DVD collection of āMurder She Wroteā the memoirs of Hillary, the golden years. You can also pick up a copy of Election Results for Dummies. Comes with a set of numbered ballots she can count over and over again at no cost to taxpayers.
POTUS Trump? How about an autographed copy of āMein Kampfā direct from Argentina. The āHow Toā book that put Auschwitz on the map. Special foreword written by David Duke and the Ku Klux Klowns.
Bernie Sanders...Remember him. Well, heās now playing Santa Claus at Macyās in New York. He was found wasting away on Skid Row passing around a bottle of Russian vodka saying he was Nikolai Lenin, one of the Beatles! He was dazed and confused so to speak humming Back in the USSR during dinner at the Salvation Army.
Donāt forget Paul McCartney...he needs a new set of Wings!
Chapter 15 - Christmas on Acid
Christmas on Acid
Christmas on acid...the tree alone is a real green needle Druid and loaded with those classic bubble lights and Fillmore light show blinking fiber optics turning your living room into a Karma filled kama sutra beaded curtain incense filled harem of holiday cheer with the turntable spinning with the Seeds āPushing too Hardā to create a blue moody Moody Blueās Magoo version of Johnny Mathis singing āHey, Joeā youāll shoot your eye out kid, with that gun in your hand. Soon the stockings hung with care begin to stare back at you and the toys begin to talk in tongues and Alice appears in her Wonderland Wonder Bra with her designer Cheshire Cat thong running screaming āIām late...Iām late .. I missed my period and got pregnant on a date!ā
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clausā¦. And he has a gift for you...How old are you anyway? You look 18!
āTwas the night before Christmas in Haight Ashbury and all through the house Hallucinating acid heads were trying to smoke a mouse! All the NARCS were awake...all the stoners were sleepy. Junkies were whacked out and crashpad creepy. The runaways were hooking with lesbians dyking While down the street Hells Angels were biking and addicts were spiking.
Now...picture yourself on the Spare Change streets of the Lava Lamp Sixties, or even on a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies...either way, you get the idea. Itās the Alice in Wonderland Super Bong of holiday hallucinations without Jimmy Stewart yelling at Mr. Potter or even Harry Potter trying to convince them that āItās a wonderful life.ā
Haight Street wasnāt ready for any Miracles on 34th Street. It was instead Jimi Hendrix as Santa Claus and Janis Joplin as his old lady with Cheech and Chong appearing in a cloud of too much to dream last night smoke on the Christmas water as two way out far out elves helping Hendrix Claus waa waa a big ass bag of bongs, pipes, and rolling papers. They were experienced!
Rudolph just completed a drug rehab program at the free clinic while Timothy Leary helped guide the Merry Prankster bus sleigh just a little bit āFurtherā over the cuckooās nest..
On Stoner On Doper On Dimebag On Bomber On Hash pipe And Nixon? (It rhymed with āVixenā) On Cocaine On Acid and, of course, Rudolph the Pink Floyd Reindeer
Wonāt you guide the sleigh tonite with your goddamned pupils so big and bright! On the 12th Day of Christmas my connection sent to me:
12 Hookahs Smoking 11 Dealers Dealing 10 Loaded Hashpipes 9 Bob Marley Records 8 Packs of Zig Zags 7 Acid Flashbacks 6 Hallucinations 5 Bags of Weed. 4 Lava lamps 3 Monster Bongs 2 Bail Bondsmen and a Alice B. Toklas Cook Book!
Chapter 16 - Merry Sexmas
Have Yourself a Merry Sexmas Christmas!
Yep,Sex & Christmas go together like a leather thong and a pair of handcuffs. Time to stuff someoneās stocking with a little Christmas Sexmas! The holidays are just around the corner and times have changed. It's a sexual universe we dwell in now and Christmas should reflect this trend in increased sexuality. All those little holiday nuances like decorating the tree, Christmas carols and stockings hanging by the fire with care need a drastic overhaul. So my children settle back and sit on Santa's lap...just be careful not to excite him while youāre wiggling around giving Santa a lap dance as it may excite his North Pole and melt his ice pack!
Itās hard to always find the perfect gift for someone, but youāll never go wrong if you unwrap that libido and let their bells jingle all the way! Gift certificates are always a crowd pleaser. Forget Macyās this year. Score
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