Poor Miss Finch by Wilkie Collins (heaven official's blessing novel english txt) đ
- Author: Wilkie Collins
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I never remember, at any other time, such a sense of helplessness and confusion as came over me when she had closed the door. I set to work to pack up the few things I wanted for the journey; feeling instinctively that if I did not occupy myself in doing something, I should break down altogether. Accustomed in all the other emergencies of my life, to decide rapidly, I was not even clear enough in my mind to see the facts as they were. As to resolving on anything, I was about as capable of doing that as the baby in Mrs. Finchâs arms.
The effort of packing aided me to rally a littleâbut did no more towards restoring me to my customary tone of mind.
I sat down helplessly, when I had done; feeling the serious necessity of clearing matters up between Lucilla and myself, before I went away, and still as ignorant as ever how to do it. To my own indescribable disgust, I actually felt tears beginning to find their way into my eyes! I had just enough of Pratolungoâs widow left in me to feel heartily ashamed of myself. Past vicissitudes and dangers, in the days of my republican life with my husband, had made me a sturdy walkerâwith a gypsy relish (like my little Jicks) for the open air. I snatched up my hat, and went out, to see what exercise would do for me.
I tried the garden. No! the garden was (for some inscrutable reason) not big enough. I had still some hours to spare. I tried the hills next.
Turning towards the left, and passing the church, I heard through the open windows the boom-boom of Reverend Finchâs voice, catechizing the village children. Thank Heaven, he was out of my way at any rate! I mounted the hills, hurrying on as fast as I could. The air and the movement cleared my mind. After more than an hour of hard walking, I returned to the rectory, feeling like my old self again.
Perhaps, there were some dregs of irresolution still left in me. Or, perhaps, there was some enervating influence in my affliction, which made me feel more sensitively than ever the change in the relations between Lucilla and myself. Having, by this time, resolved to come to a plain explanation, before I left her unprotected at the rectory, I shrank, even yet, from confronting a possible repulse, by speaking to her personally. Taking a leaf out of poor Oscarâs book, I wrote what I wanted to say to her in a note.
I rang the bellâonce, twice. Nobody answered it.
I went to the kitchen. Zillah was not there. I knocked at the door of her bedroom. There was no answer: the bedroom was empty when I looked in. Awkward as it would be, I found myself obliged, either to give my note to Lucilla with my own hand, or to decide on speaking to her, after all.
I could not prevail on myself to speak to her. So I went to her room with my note, and knocked at the door.
Here again there was no reply. I knocked once moreâwith the same result. I looked in. There was no one in the room. On the little table at the foot of the bed, there lay a letter addressed to me. The writing was in Zillahâs hand. But Lucilla had written her name in the corner in the usual way, to show that she had dictated the letter to her nurse. A load was lifted off my heart as I took it up. The same idea (I concluded) had occurred to her which had occurred to me. She too had shrunk from the embarrassment of a personal explanation. She too had writtenâand was keeping out of the way until her letter had spoken for her, and had united us again as friends before I left the house.
With these pleasant anticipations, I opened the letter. Judge what I felt when I found what it really contained.
âDEAR MADAME PRATOLUNGO,âYou will agree with me, that it is very important, after what Herr Grosse has said about the recovery of my sight, that my visit to Ramsgate should not be delayed. As you are unable, through circumstances which I sincerely regret, to accompany me to the seaside, I have determined to go to London to my aunt, Miss Batchford, and to ask her to be my companion instead of you. I have had experience enough of her sincere affection for me to be quite sure that she will gladly take the charge of me off your hands. As no time is to be lost, I start for London without waiting for your return from your walk to wish you goodbye. You so thoroughly understand the necessity of dispensing with formal farewells, in cases of emergency, that I am sure you will not feel offended at my taking leave of you in this way. With best wishes for your fatherâs recovery, believe me,
âYours very truly,
âLUCILLA.
âP. S.âYou need be under no apprehension about me. Zillah goes with me as far as London; and I shall communicate with Herr Grosse when I arrive at my auntâs house.â
But for one sentence in it, I should most assuredly have answered this cruel letter by instantly resigning my situation as Lucillaâs companion.
The sentence to which I refer, contained the words which cast in my teeth the excuses that I had made for Oscarâs absence. The sarcastic reference to my recent connection with a case of emergency, and to my experience of the necessity of dispensing with formal farewells, removed my last lingering doubts of Nugentâs treachery. I now felt, not suspicion only, but positive conviction that he had communicated with her in his brotherâs name, and that he had contrived (by some means at which it was impossible for me to guess) so to work on Lucillaâs mindâso to excite that indwelling distrust which her blindness had rooted in her characterâas to destroy her confidence in me for the time being.
Arriving at this conclusion, I could still feel compassionately and generously towards Lucilla. Far from blaming my poor deluded sister-friend for her cruel departure and her yet crueler letter, I laid the whole fault on the shoulders of Nugent. Full as my mind was of my own troubles, I could still think of the danger that threatened Lucilla, and of the wrong that Oscar had suffered. I could still feel the old glow of my resolution to bring them together again, and still remember (and determine to pay) the debt I owed to Nugent Dubourg.
In the turn things had taken, and with the short time still at my disposal, what was I to do next? Assuming that Miss Batchford would accompany her niece to Ramsgate, how could I put the necessary obstacle in Nugentâs way, if he attempted to communicate with Lucilla at the seaside, in my absence?
It was impossible for me to decide this, unless I first knew whether Miss Batchford, as a member of the family, was to be confidentially informed of the sad position in which Oscar and Lucilla now stood towards each other.
The person to consult in this difficulty was the rector. As head of the household, and in my absence, the responsibility evidently rested with Reverend Finch.
I went round at once to the other side of the house. If Mr. Finch had returned to the rectory, after the catechizing was over, well and good. If not, I should be obliged to inquire in the village and seek him at the cottages of his parishioners. His magnificent voice relieved me from all anxiety on this head. The boom-boom which I had last heard in the church, I now heard again in the study.
When I entered the room, Mr. Finch was on his legs, highly excited; haranguing Mrs. Finch and the baby, ensconced as usual in a corner. My appearance on the scene diverted his flow of language, for the moment, so that it all poured itself out on my unlucky self. (If you recollect that the rector and Lucillaâs aunt had been, from time immemorial, on the worst of termsâyou will be prepared for what is coming. If you have forgotten this, look back at my sixth chapter and refresh your memory.)
âThe very person I was going to send for!â said the Pope of Dimchurch. âDonât excite Mrs. Finch! Donât speak to Mrs. Finch! You shall hear why directly. Address yourself exclusively to Me. Be calm, Madame Pratolungo! you donât know what has happened. I am here to tell you.â
I ventured to stop him: mentioning that Lucillaâs letter had informed me of his daughterâs sudden departure for her auntâs house. Mr. Finch waved away my answer with his hand, as something too infinitely unimportant to be worthy of a momentâs notice.
âYes! yes! yes!â he said. âYou have a superficial acquaintance with the facts. But you are far from being aware of what my daughterâs sudden removal of herself from my roof really means. Now donât be frightened, Madame Pratolungo! and donât excite Mrs. Finch! (How are you, my dear? how is the child? Both well? Thanks to an overruling Providence, both well.) Now, Madame Pratolungo, attend to this. My daughterâs flightâI say flight advisedly: it is nothing lessâmy daughterâs flight from my house means (I entreat you to be calm!)âmeans ANOTHER BLOW dealt at me by the family of my first wife. Dealt at me,â repeated Mr. Finch; heating himself with the recollection of his old feud with the BatchfordsââDealt at me by Miss Batchford (by Lucillaâs aunt, Madame Pratolungo) through my unoffending second wife, and my innocent child.âAre you sure you are well, my dear? are you sure the infant is well? Thank Providence!âConcentrate your attention, Madame Pratolungo! Your attention is wandering. Prompted by Miss Batchford, my daughter has left my roof. Ramsgate is a mere excuse. And how has she left it? Not only without first seeing MeâI am Nobody! but without showing the slightest sympathy for Mrs. Finchâs maternal situation. Attired in her traveling costume, my daughter precipitately entered (or to use my wifeâs graphic expression âbounced intoâ) the nursery, while Mrs. Finch was administering maternal sustenance to the infant. Under circumstances which might have touched the heart of a bandit or a savage, my unnatural daughter (remind me, Mrs. Finch; we will have a little Shakespeare tonight; I will read King Lear), my unnatural daughter announced without one word of preparation that a domestic affliction would prevent you from accompanying her to Ramsgate.âGrieved, dear Madame Pratolungo, to hear of it. Cast your burden on Providence. Bear up, Mrs. Finch; bear upâHaving startled my wife with this harrowing news, my daughter next shocked her by declaring that she was going to leave her fatherâs roof, without waiting to bid her father goodbye. The catching of a train, you will observe, was (no doubt at Miss Batchfordâs instigation) of more importance than the parental embrace or the pastoral blessing. Leaving a message of apology for Me, my heartless child (I use Mrs. Finchâs graphic language againâyou have fair, very fair powers of expression, Mrs. Finch)âmy heartless child âbounced outâ of the nursery to catch her train; having, for all she knew, or cared, administered a shock to my wife which might have soured the fountain of maternal sustenance at its source. There is where the Blow falls, Madame Pratolungo! How do I know that acid disturbance is not being communicated at this moment, instead of wholesome nourishment, between mother and child? I shall prepare you an alkaline draught, Mrs. Finch, to be taken after meals. Donât speak; donât move! Give me your pulse. I hold Miss Batchford accountable, Madame Pratolungo, for whatever happensâmy daughter is a mere instrument in the hands
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