Ruth by Elizabeth Gaskell (well read books .txt) đ
- Author: Elizabeth Gaskell
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âHow strange it is,â she thought that evening, âthat I should feel as if this charming afternoonâs walk were, somehow, not exactly wrong, but yet as if it were not right. Why can it be? I am not defrauding Mrs. Mason of any of her time; that I know would be wrong; I am left to go where I like on Sundays. I have been to church, so it canât be because I have missed doing my duty. If I had gone this walk with Jenny, I wonder whether I should have felt as I do now. There must be something wrong in me, myself, to feel so guilty when I have done nothing which is not right; and yet I can thank God for the happiness I have had in this charming spring walk, which dear mamma used to say was a sign when pleasures were innocent and good for us.â
She was not conscious, as yet, that Mr. Bellinghamâs presence had added any charm to the ramble; and when she might have become aware of this, as, week after week, Sunday after Sunday, loitering ramble after loitering ramble succeeded each other, she was too much absorbed with one set of thoughts to have much inclination for self-questioning.
âTell me everything, Ruth, as you would to a brother; let me help you, if I can, in your difficulties,â he said to her one afternoon. And he really did try to understand, and to realise, how an insignificant and paltry person like Mason the dressmaker could be an object of dread, and regarded as a person having authority, by Ruth. He flamed up with indignation when, by way of impressing him with Mrs. Masonâs power and consequence, Ruth spoke of some instance of the effects of her employerâs displeasure. He declared his mother should never have a gown made again by such a tyrantâsuch a Mrs. Brownrigg; that he would prevent all his acquaintances from going to such a cruel dressmaker; till Ruth was alarmed at the threatened consequences of her one-sided account, and pleaded for Mrs. Mason as earnestly as if a young manâs menace of this description were likely to be literally fulfilled.
âIndeed, sir, I have been very wrong; if you please, sir, donât be so angry. She is often very good to us; it is only sometimes she goes into a passion: and we are very provoking, I dare say. I know I am for one. I have often to undo my work, and you canât think how it spoils anything (particularly silk) to be unpicked; and Mrs. Mason has to bear all the blame. Oh! I am sorry I said anything about it. Donât speak to your mother about it, pray, sir. Mrs. Mason thinks so much of Mrs. Bellinghamâs custom.â
âWell, I wonât this timeâârecollecting that there might be some awkwardness in accounting to his mother for the means by which he had obtained his very correct information as to what passed in Mrs. Masonâs workroomââbut, if ever she does so again, Iâll not answer for myself.â
âI will take care and not tell again, sir,â said Ruth, in a low voice.
âNay, Ruth, you are not going to have secrets from me, are you? Donât you remember your promise to consider me as a brother? Go on telling me everything that happens to you, pray; you cannot think how much interest I take in all your interests. I can quite fancy that charming home at Milham you told me about last Sunday. I can almost fancy Mrs. Masonâs workroom; and that, surely, is a proof either of the strength of my imagination, or of your powers of description.â
Ruth smiled. âIt is, indeed, sir. Our workroom must be so different to anything you ever saw. I think you must have passed through Milham often on your way to Lowford.â
âThen you donât think it is any stretch of fancy to have so clear an idea as I have of Milham Grange? On the left hand of the road, is it, Ruth?â
âYes, sir, just over the bridge, and up the hill where the elm-trees meet overhead and make a green shade; and then comes the dear old Grange, that I shall never see again.â
âNever! Nonsense, Ruthie; it is only six miles off; you may see it any day. It is not an hourâs ride.â
âPerhaps I may see it again when I am grown old; I did not think exactly what âneverâ meant; it is so very long since I was there, and I donât see any chance of my going for years and years at any rate.â
âWhy, Ruth, youâwe may go next Sunday afternoon, if you like.â
She looked up at him with a lovely light of pleasure in her face at the idea.
âHow, sir? Can I walk it between afternoon-service and the time Mrs. Mason comes home? I would go for only one glimpse; but if I could get into the houseâoh, sir! if I could just see mammaâs room again!â
He was revolving plans in his head for giving her this pleasure, and he had also his own in view. If they went in any of his carriages, the loitering charm of the walk would be lost; and they must, to a certain degree, be encumbered by, and exposed to the notice of servants.
âAre you a good walker, Ruth? Do you think you can manage six miles? If we set off at two oâclock, we shall be there by four, without hurrying; or say half-past four. Then we might stay two hours, and you could show me all the old walks and old places you love, and we could still come leisurely home. Oh, itâs all arranged directly!â
âBut do you think it would be right, sir? It seems as if it would be such a great pleasure, that it must be in some way wrong.â
âWhy, you little goose, what can be wrong in it?â
âIn the first place, I miss going to church by setting out at two,â said Ruth, a little gravely.
âOnly for once. Surely you donât see any harm in missing church for once? You will go in the morning, you know.â
âI wonder if Mrs. Mason would think it rightâif she would allow it?â
âNo, I dare say not. But you donât mean to be governed by Mrs. Masonâs notions of right and wrong. She thought it right to treat that poor girl Palmer in the way you told me about. You would think that wrong, you know, and so would every one of sense and feeling. Come, Ruth, donât pin your faith on any one, but judge for yourself. The pleasure is perfectly innocent: it is not a selfish pleasure either, for I shall enjoy it to the full as much as you will. I shall like to see the places where you spent your childhood; I shall almost love them as much as you do.â He had dropped his voice; and spoke in low, persuasive tones. Ruth hung down her head, and blushed with exceeding happiness; but she could not speak, even to urge her doubts afresh. Thus it was in a manner settled. How delightfully happy the plan made her through the coming week! She was too young when her mother died to have received any cautions or words of advice respecting the subject of a womanâs lifeâif, indeed, wise parents ever directly speak of what, in its depth and power, cannot be put into wordsâwhich is a brooding spirit with no definite form or shape that men should know it, but which is there, and present before we have recognised and realised its existence. Ruth was innocent and snow-pure. She had heard of falling in love, but did not know the signs and symptoms thereof; nor, indeed, had she troubled her head much about them. Sorrow had filled up her days, to the exclusion of all lighter thoughts than the consideration of present duties, and the remembrance of the happy time which had been. But the interval of blank, after the loss of her mother and during her fatherâs life-in-death, had made her all the more ready to value and cling to sympathyâfirst from Jenny, and now from Mr. Bellingham. To see her home again, and to see it with him; to show him (secure of his interest) the haunts of former times, each with its little tale of the pastâof dead-and-gone events!âNo coming shadow threw its gloom over this weekâs dream of happinessâa dream which was too bright to be spoken about to common and indifferent ears.
TREADING IN PERILOUS PLACES
Sunday came, as brilliant as if there were no sorrow, or death, or guilt in the world; a day or two of rain had made the earth fresh and brave as the blue heavens above. Ruth thought it was too strong a realisation of her hopes, and looked for an overclouding at noon; but the glory endured, and at two oâclock she was in the Leasowes, with a beating heart full of joy, longing to stop the hours, which would pass too quickly through the afternoon.
They sauntered through the fragrant lanes, as if their loitering would prolong the time and check the fiery-footed steeds galloping apace towards the close of the happy day. It was past five oâclock before they came to the great mill-wheel, which stood in Sabbath idleness, motionless in a brown mass of shade, and still wet with yesterdayâs immersion in the deep transparent water beneath. They clambered the little hill, not yet fully shaded by the overarching elms; and then Ruth checked Mr. Bellingham, by a slight motion of the hand which lay within his arm, and glanced up into his face to see what that face should express as it looked on Milham Grange, now lying still and peaceful in its afternoon shadows. It was a house of after-thoughts; building materials were plentiful in the neighbourhood, and every successive owner had found a necessity for some addition or projection, till it was a picturesque mass of irregularityâof broken light and shadowâwhich, as a whole, gave a full and complete idea of a âHome.â All its gables and nooks were blended and held together by the tender green of the climbing roses and young creepers. An old couple were living in the house until it should be let, but they dwelt in the back part, and never used the front door; so the little birds had grown tame and familiar, and perched upon the window-sills and porch, and on the old stone cistern which caught the water from the roof.
They went silently
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