The History of Caliph Vathek by William Beckford (recommended ebook reader .txt) 📖

at last he spread himself on the sofa, and slept sounder than he had ever before.

Beneath this dome a general silence prevailed, for there was nothing to disturb it but the jaws of Bababalouk, who had untrussed himself to eat with greater advantage, being anxious to make amends for his fast in the mountains.  As his spirits were too high to admit of his sleeping, and not loving to be idle, he proposed with himself to visit the harem, and repair to his charge of the ladies, to examine if they had been properly lubricated with the balm of Mecca, if their eyebrows and tresses were in order, and, in a word, to perform all the little offices they might need.  He sought for a long time together, but without being able to find out the door; he durst not speak aloud, for fear of disturbing the Caliph, and not a soul was stirring in the precincts of the palace; he almost despaired of effecting his purpose, when a low whispering just reached his ear; it came from the dwarfs who were returned to their old occupation, and for the nine hundred and ninety-ninth time in their lives, were reading over the Koran.  They very politely invited Bababalouk to be of their party, but his head was full of other concerns.  The dwarfs, though scandalised at his dissolute morals, directed him to the apartments he wanted to find; his way thither lay through a hundred dark corridors, along which he groped as he went, and at last began to catch from the extremity of a passage the charming gossiping of the women, which not a little delighted his heart.  “Ah, ha! what, not yet asleep!” cried he; and, taking long strides as he spoke.  “Did you not suspect me of abjuring my charge?  I stayed but to finish what my master had left.”

Two of the black eunuchs, on hearing a voice so loud, detached a party in haste, sabre in hand, to discover the cause; but presently was repeated on all sides: “’Tis only Bababalouk! no one but Bababalouk!”  This circumspect guardian, having gone up to a thin veil of carnation-coloured silk that hung before the doorway, distinguished, by means of the softened splendour that shone through it, an oval bath of dark porphyry, surrounded by curtains festooned in large folds; through the apertures between them, as they were not drawn close, groups of young slaves were visible, amongst whom Bababalouk perceived his pupils, indulgingly expanding their arms, as if to embrace the perfumed water and refresh themselves after their fatigues.  The looks of tender languor, their confidential whispers, and the enchanting smiles with which they were imparted, the exquisite fragrance of the roses, all combined to inspire a voluptuousness, which even Bababalouk himself was scarce able to withstand.

He summoned up, however, his usual solemnity, and, in the peremptory tone of authority, commanded the ladies instantly to leave the bath.  Whilst he was issuing these mandates the young Nouronihar, daughter of the Emir, who was sprightly as an antelope, and full of wanton gaiety, beckoned one of her slaves to let down the great swing, which was suspended to the ceiling by cords of silk, and whilst this was doing, winked to her companions in the bath, who, chagrined to be forced from so soothing a state of indolence, began to twist it round Bababalouk, and tease him with a thousand vagaries.

When Nouronihar perceived that he was exhausted with fatigue, she accosted him with an arch air of respectful concern, and said: “My lord, it is not by any means decent that the chief eunuch of the Caliph, our Sovereign, should thus continue standing; deign but to recline your graceful person upon this sofa, which will burst with vexation if it have not the honour to receive you.”

Caught by these flattering accents, Bababalouk gallantly replied: “Delight of the apple of my eye!  I accept the invitation of thy honeyed lips; and, to say truth, my senses are dazzled with the radiance that beams from thy charms.”

“Repose, then, at your ease,” replied the beauty, and placed him on the pretended sofa, which, quicker than lightning, gave way all at once.  The rest of the women, having aptly conceived her design, sprang naked from the bath, and plied the swing with such unmerciful jerks, that it swept through the whole compass of a very lofty dome, and took from the poor victim all power of respiration; sometimes his feet rased the surface of the water, and at others the skylight almost flattened his nose; in vain did he pierce the air with the cries of a voice that resembled the ringing of a cracked basin, for their peals of laughter were still more predominant.

Nouronihar, in the inebriety of youthful spirits, being used only to eunuchs of ordinary harems, and having never seen anything so royal and disgusting, was far more diverted than all of the rest; she began to parody some Persian verses, and sang with an accent most demurely piquant:

“O gentle white dove, as thou soar’st through the air,
Vouchsafe one kind glance on the mate of thy love;
Melodious Philomel, I am thy rose;
Warble some couplet to ravish my heart!”

The sultanas and their slaves, stimulated by these pleasantries, persevered at the swing with such unremitted assiduity, that at length the cord which had secured it snapped suddenly asunder, and Bababalouk fell floundering like a turtle to the bottom of the bath.  This accident occasioned a universal shout; twelve little doors, till now unobserved, flew open at once, and the ladies in an instant made their escape, after throwing all the towels on his head, and putting out the lights that remained.

The deplorable animal, in water to the chin, overwhelmed with darkness, and unable to extricate himself from the wrap that embarrassed him, was still doomed to hear for his further consolation the fresh bursts of merriment his disaster occasioned.  He bustled, but in vain, to get from the bath, for the margin was become so slippery with the oil spilt in breaking the lamps, that at every effort he slid back with a plunge, which resounded aloud through the hollow of the dome.  These cursed peals of laughter at every relapse were redoubled; and he, who thought the place infested rather by devils than women, resolved to cease groping, and abide in the bath, where he amused himself with soliloquies, interspersed with imprecations, of which his malicious neighbours reclining on down suffered not an accent to escape.  In this delectable plight the morning surprised him.  The Caliph, wondering at his absence, had caused him to be everywhere sought for.  At last he was drawn forth, almost smothered from the wisp of linen, and wet even to the marrow.  Limping and chattering his teeth, he appeared before his master, who inquired what was the matter, and how he came soused in so strange a pickle.

“And why did you enter this cursed lodge?” answered Bababalouk, gruffly.  “Ought a monarch like you to visit with his harem the abode of a grey-bearded Emir, who knows nothing of life?  And with what gracious damsels doth the place, too, abound!  Fancy to yourself how they have soaked me like a burnt crust, and made me dance like a jack-pudding the live-long night through, on their damnable swing!  What an excellent lesson for your sultanas to follow, into whom I have instilled such reserve and decorum!”

Vathek, comprehending not a syllable of all this invective, obliged him to relate minutely the transaction; but instead of sympathising with the miserable sufferer, he laughed immoderately at the device of the swing, and the figure of Bababalouk mounting upon it.  The stung eunuch could scarcely preserve the semblance of respect.

“Ay, laugh, my lord! laugh,” said he; “but I wish this Nouronihar would play some trick on you; she is too wicked to spare even majesty itself.”

Those words made for the present but a slight impression on the Caliph; but they not long after recurred to his mind.

This conversation was cut short by Fakreddin, who came to request that Vathek would join in the prayers and ablutions to be solemnised on a spacious meadow, watered by innumerable streams.  The Caliph found the waters refreshing, but the prayers abominably irksome; he diverted himself, however, with the multitude of Calenders, Santons, and Dervises, who were continually coming and going, but especially with the Brahmins, Fakirs, and other enthusiasts, who had travelled from the heart of India, and halted on their way with the Emir.  These latter had, each of them, some mummery peculiar to himself.  One dragged a huge chain wherever he went, another an ouranoutang, whilst a third was furnished with scourges, and all performed to a charm; some clambered up trees, holding one foot in the air; others poised themselves over a fire, and without mercy filliped their noses.  There were some amongst them that cherished vermin, which were not ungrateful in requiting their caresses.  These rambling fanatics revolted the hearts of the Dervises, the Calenders, and Santons; however, the vehemence of their aversion soon subsided, under the hope that the presence of the Caliph would cure their folly, and convert them to the Mussulman faith; but, alas! how great was their disappointment! for Vathek, instead of preaching to them, treated them as buffoons, bade them present his compliments to Visnow and Ixhora, and discovered a predilection for a squat old man from the isle of Serendib, who was more ridiculous than any of the rest.

“Come!” said he, “for the love of your gods bestow a few slaps on your chops to amuse me.”

The old fellow, offended at such an address, began loudly to weep; but, as he betrayed a villainous drivelling in his tears, the Caliph turned his back and listened to Bababalouk, who whispered, whilst he held the umbrella over him: “Your Majesty should be cautious of this odd assembly which hath been collected I know not for what.  Is it necessary to exhibit such spectacles to a mighty potentate, with interludes of Talapoins more mangy than dogs?  Were I you, I would command a fire to be kindled, and at once purge the earth of the Emir, his harem, and all his menagerie.”

“Tush, dolt!” answered Vathek; “and know that all this infinitely charms me; nor shall I leave the meadow till I have visited every hive of these pious mendicants.”

Wherever the Caliph directed his course objects of pity were sure to swarm round him: the blind, the purblind, smarts without noses, damsels without ears, each to extol the munificence of Fakreddin, who, as well as his attendant grey-beards, dealt about gratis plasters and cataplasms to all that applied.  At noon a superb corps of cripples made its appearance, and soon after advanced by platoons on the plain, the completest association of invalids that had ever been embodied till then.  The blind went groping with the blind, the lame limped on together, and the maimed made gestures to each other with the only arm that remained; the sides of a considerable waterfall were crowded by the deaf, amongst whom were some from Pegû with ears uncommonly handsome and large, but were still less able to hear than the rest; nor were there wanting others in abundance with humpbacks, wenny necks, and even horns of an exquisite polish.

The Emir, to aggrandise the solemnity of the festival in honour of his illustrious visitant, ordered the turf to be spread on all sides with skins and table-cloths, upon which were served up for the good Mussulmans pilaus of every line, with other orthodox dishes; and, by the express order of Vathek, who was shamefully tolerant, small plates of abominations for regaling the rest.  This prince, on seeing so many mouths put in motion, began to think it time for employing his own; in spite, therefore, of every remonstrance from the chief of his eunuchs, he resolved to have a dinner dressed on the spot.  The complaisant Emir immediately gave orders for a table to be placed in the shade of the willows.  The first service consisted of fish, which they drew from a river flowing over sands of gold at the foot of a lofty hill; these were broiled as fast as taken, and served up with a sauce of vinegar, and small herbs that grow on Mount Sinai; for everything with the Emir was excellent and pious.

The dessert was not quite set on when the sound of lutes from the hill was repeated by the echoes of the neighbouring mountains.  The Caliph, with an emotion of pleasure and surprise, had no sooner raised up his head than a handful of jasmine dropped on his face; an abundance of tittering succeeded the frolic, and instantly appeared through the bushes the elegant forms of several young females, skipping and bounding like roes.  The fragrance diffused from their hair struck the sense of Vathek, who, in an ecstasy, suspending his repast, said to Bababalouk:

“Are the Peris come down from their spheres?  Note her in particular whose form is so perfect, venturously running on the brink of the precipice, and turning back her head, as regardless of nothing but the graceful flow of her robe; with what captivating