Herself by Edith Belle Lowry (e books free to read TXT) 📖

Not long ago an estimable young woman in speaking of the unfortunate girls in the world said, "I cannot see how any refined girl could get into trouble. I cannot conceive of any circumstances which would permit any self-respecting girl to allow the familiarities necessary for such a condition." That is the attitude assumed by many intelligent women. Because they grew up in an environment without temptations, because they had no unsatisfied longings to be loved or to be popular, they are incapable of understanding these feelings in any other person.

In every girl there is an inborn longing to be loved and to have a home of her own. It is a misunderstanding of this sense that is responsible for the wrecked lives of many girls. In too many homes there is no expression of the love sense. Frequently I have heard girls remark, "Why, I never think of kissing my parents except, perhaps, when they or I go away." In too many homes the only mention that is made of love is that made in a bantering manner. A child has the right idea of love. She loves everyone and is free in the expression of this love. As she grows older she obtains wrong ideas of love and she too often obtains these wrong ideas in her own home and from her own parents who instill false ideas of love when indulging their habit of "teasing." Frequently we hear parents talking about the small daughter's "beau." The child feels pent-up emotions of love and, as there is no outlet at home in a natural way, she acquires the idea that these emotions should be spent in a childish love affair.

In a recent address Professor Marx Lubine of the University of Berlin said, "Motherhood, in all stages of civilization, has been strangely ignorant of the fact that girls have as powerful a battery of emotions as boys. It is my experience that a major portion of mothers understand their sons better than their daughters. Why? The daughters are not given credit for a power of emotion the sons are capable of. Yet, naturally, in my long experience with both sexes, I have no hesitation in saying that the emotions of a pure girl are usually deeper, more lasting, than those of a boy, and that if we are to have a great improvement in womanhood it must come through a recognition of this fact."

It is strange but mothers seem to be blind to, or ignorant of the emotions that are seething back of the clear eyes of their daughters. The emotions of the girl have not been studied sufficiently. We expect a boy to do things which serve as an outlet to his pent-up emotions but we expect a girl to go on in a calm, uneventful manner with no outlet for the overflow of emotions. Blessed are the "Tomboys." I would there were more of them. It is a fact that the girl who runs, plays, climbs trees and is given to outdoor sports generally during the early part of her life develops into the truest woman. She has an outlet for her energies. Her time is fully occupied with those things that promote health. She has no time nor desires for those things that show a perverted taste. Such a girl seldom becomes a victim of self-abuse. She is not inclined to romantic love affairs. It is her sister who sits and sews who has time and inclination for indulging in morbid longings and who becomes the victim of pernicious habits.

Curiosity is one of the prominent characteristics of both sexes. With the boy this is satisfied without much pretence at secrecy. False modesty prevents the girl from openly obtaining the desired information. She obtains it secretly from her companions. Mothers do not give their daughters credit for the instinct that compels the satisfaction of their curiosity. Sometime during her life, nearly every mother is surprised and shocked at the knowledge displayed by her daughter. She finds that owing to her silence and neglect of opportunities her daughter has obtained definite if entirely wrong ideas of sexual matters.

In other matters, too, the policy of silence or of arbitrarily forbidding the daughter to indulge in certain pleasures, coupled with the natural curiosity of the girl, tends to develop in her the habit of deceitfulness. If she is forbidden some harmless amusements she very frequently learns these diversions at the homes of her friends. The mother was brought up in one generation, the daughter in another; what was considered wrong in the first generation is looked upon in an entirely different manner now. Many mothers seem to be unable to realize this. They were brought up in a puritanical environment. The puritan fathers forbade all indulgence in mirth and happiness. Their ideas of the perfect life were to wear a stern, unsmiling countenance and do those things that were unpleasant. If anything was uncongenial, then it was their duty to overcome their inclinations. These puritans expected to develop by repression. We have changed our ideas radically since then, but some of the puritanical ideas still cling to us in our treatment of children. To develop the child's character she must be made to do the things she does not want to do and to refrain from the things she most desires. Is it right?

We are most interested in those things that belong to us individually or in which we have some share. If we wish a girl to remain at home then we must see that she is interested in that home. The way to do this is to make her feel that the home belongs to her in part and that some portions of it are entirely hers. The majority of girls feel no real interest in their homes. They are made to feel that it is their parents' home and that they are only assistants. A girl to be interested in her home must have some definite room that is hers alone and in which she is allowed to exercise her individual tastes. She must have a place in which she can entertain her friends without the feeling that whatever she does and says is to be criticised afterwards. She should be assigned to certain tasks and held responsible for them. She must have a certain definite allowance out of which she is to buy certain things, otherwise her desire for independence will arise and cause her to leave home. The majority of girls have no income of their own. Perhaps their desires are all fulfilled by an indulgent parent and yet the girls resent the feeling of dependence.

Girls are naturally just as ambitious as boys, and they need good, honest work to keep them healthy and their minds occupied. If a girl displays an interest in a certain line of work this interest must be encouraged. Usually it is not. The girl is taught, either consciously or unconsciously, that whatever occupation she takes up will be only temporary, that to become engrossed in her work would mean no marriage. Girls cannot do good work under such conditions.