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The only reason he went into Spinoza’s that day at all was because he needed the bathroom. But when he saw a young woman sitting there by herself with her newspaper and a latte, he couldn’t help himself. He decided to order one too and see if he could gin up the nerve to take the empty table next to her.
There was something about her, though he couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Not even after they married could he figure out what it was. She was attractive, sure, but not the most attractive he’d ever seen. She seemed friendly and approachable enough, though he had no idea why he would think that since she was just sitting there reading the paper. There was just something … gravitational about her, like she’d been engineered just for him.
He ordered awkwardly at the counter. He’d never had a latte, a cappuccino, or an Americano. He didn’t even know what they were. But he couldn’t just say “I’ll have a coffee.” They didn’t have regular coffee in those kinds of places.
The pretty woman with the newspaper sat far enough from the counter that she couldn’t hear him fumble his order, and thank heaven for that or he wouldn’t have sat next to her. She looked so peaceful and content, so at ease in the world as she flipped strands of her brown hair over her ear.
He didn’t intend to hit on her or ask her out for a date. He just wanted to enjoy the pleasure of her attention even if it only lasted a couple of seconds.
She sat by herself at a table for two. He sat next to her at another table for two and placed his drink in front of him. It looked like a dessert. He expected it to taste like one too, like a coffee meringue pie or something. Normally he drank plain old coffee, black, but the creamy and bitter whipped goodness in his mug, despite being foofy and gay, was outstanding. Wow, he thought. This exists?
“This coffee is extraordinary,” he said.
“Isn’t it?” the woman next to him said. The corners of her eyes crinkled up when she smiled over her mug.
God, Parker thought. I love this woman. He didn’t know why. He just did.
Her name was Holly and she was a regular at Spinoza’s. She had gone to school with the café owners. He told her he was new to fancy coffee and she seemed delighted to explain all the options.
They were so very different, but they were married in less than a year.
He built cabinets for a living. She worked in an office downtown as a paralegal. His friends were working class. Hers were professional. He loved the outdoors. She enjoyed fancy meals out. He drank beer. She liked red wine. Once in a while he embarrassed her when they went out with her friends, and he knew he seemed a little rough around the edges in mixed company, but she loved him and he couldn’t imagine living without her. She had a soft and gentle soul and seemed to appreciate his brusque masculine qualities—she was genetically hard-wired to do so, after all—until one day he hit her.
He didn’t mean to. Really, he didn’t. It just happened. They were arguing about money, which was a stupid because they both made plenty. He wanted a motorcycle and could afford it. She wanted to spend the money on granite kitchen counters instead.
She might have talked him into it, too, but instead she said she was tired of being a slave to his lower-class lifestyle.
He’d never hit anybody before. He looked like the type of guy who had been in a couple of fights, but he hadn’t.
He didn’t hit her too hard. It was really more like a slap. He didn’t strike her with a closed fist, didn’t break any bones, didn’t make her bleed, didn’t even leave a mark that lasted more than five minutes. But he did strike her cheek, and he’d never forget the sound or the look on her face when he did it.
Her entire life shattered in one instant.
She’d never forgive him, not in her heart, and he knew it.
He could not have been sorrier. That slap hurt him more than it hurt her. It sounded ludicrous when he said so, and she screamed that it was the most outrageous thing she ever heard, but it was true. It changed him as a person. It sentenced him to be a different kind of man for the rest of his life, the kind of man who hit women. A domestic abuser. A wife-beater. He never did it again, nor would he ever—no, really, he wouldn’t—but he would spend the rest of his days as a man who had once smacked a woman.
Eventually she could look at him again, and a little while later she could talk to him again, and eventually she even had sex with him one last time, but it ended in tears, and at that moment he knew it was over. She never slept with him again. Never even hugged him again. She left a few months later and said she was sorry but she wouldn’t be back. She cried when she left and she even said that she’d miss him, but she was true to her word. She never came back.
That was two years ago. Parker thought about her every day since. After the plague swept the world, he worried about her so hard he vomited.
What happened to her? Was she alive? Did she get bitten? Was a distorted version of her out there somewhere, diseased and warped beyond recognition? What would he do if she came at him on the street baring her teeth? Would he shoot her? Would he smash in her skull with a crowbar?
Would he smash in her face if he had to?
Kyle was stuck. He didn’t regret anything, didn’t feel like he’d done anything wrong, but at the same time Parker did have a point. Kyle had to admit it. If he’d taken out Roland when he had the chance, they would not be locked up. There was no way Lane could subdue everyone if both his cohorts were dead and Kyle had Bobby’s gun.
Some of those things would likely have heard the gunshot. Kyle and his crew might have to barricade themselves in the store or flee in the truck. But at least they’d be free of Lane.
But then Parker or Hughes or Annie—Annie!—would blame him for bringing those things down on their heads when he knew perfectly well that there were more in the area now due to the explosion down the street. Sure, they could flee in the truck, but they couldn’t take the truck all the way to Olympia. The roads were all snarled. So where would they go? Just drive a few miles, get out and walk, and hope for the best?
So yeah, Parker was right in a way, but at the same time, he wasn’t. Kyle didn’t actually know what he should have done or what he should do next.
He wasn’t one for confrontation and never had been, not even when he was picked on in school. It’s not like he ever had to fight back. Only two other kids ever bothered him much. Kyle wasn’t an outcast, but almost everybody got picked on by somebody in school.
A kid named Tim was the first. Tim wasn’t a bully. He wasn’t even all that big or intimidating. Kyle never did figure out why, but Tim just wanted to fight somebody, and he apparently picked Kyle because Kyle didn’t look threatening. Kyle had no fight in him at all and that came across.
So Tim just walked up to him one day between classes out in the hall and punched him in the shoulder. Not hard enough to get himself suspended for assault or for fighting, but hard enough to piss off Kyle and get his attention.
“Meet me behind the gym,” Tim said and narrowed his eyes, “after school’s out today.”
Kyle rubbed his shoulder. It didn’t hurt all that bad. The rubbing was an instinctive response. Kyle realized it made him look weak, so he stopped.
“What for?” Kyle said.
“So I can kick your ass.”
Tim was serious. Kyle could tell. Kyle was baffled. And of course he didn’t show behind the gym.
The next day Tim approached Kyle again in the hallway between classes, but this time he didn’t start swinging. “So, you’re afraid to fight me, eh?”
Kyle sized Tim up. He wasn’t afraid. He just didn’t see the point in fighting for no reason.
“I’m not afraid.” He sounded anything but convincing to even himself, but the truth was that he really wasn’t afraid. “It’s just stupid.”
“You’re afraid,” Tim said in a mock little-kid voice. “Kyle’s afwaid.” Tim laughed and sauntered off, no doubt feeling terrific about himself. And he never bothered Kyle again.
That, Kyle decided, was how you handled a bully. Don’t let him rile you up. Don’t fight if it’s not strictly necessary. The thirteen-year-old version of Parker, Kyle was certain, would have fought Tim. Both would have
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