Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife by Marietta Holley (ebook reader android txt) đź“–
- Author: Marietta Holley
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“Are your children dropsical?”
And she sez, “Oh, no, their health is good. The swellin’s you see are life preservers.” She said that she kep’ one on their stomachs night and day.
Well, I knew that they would be handy in a shipwreck, but it made ’em look queer, queer as a dog.
And now whilst the passengers are all settin’ or standin’ on their own forts and tendin’ to their own bizness, and the big ship ploughin’ its big liquid furrow on the water I may as well tell what Arvilly went through. I spoze the reader is anxious to know the petickulers of how she come to be in the Cuban army and desert from it. The reason of her bein’ in the army at all, her husband enlisted durin’ the struggle for Cuban independence, and Arvilly jest worshippin’ the ground he walked on, and thinkin’ the world 91 wuz a blank to her where he wuz not, after the last care he left her wuz removed, and always havin’ done as she wuz a mind to as fur as she could, she dressed herself up in a suit of his clothes and enlisted onbeknown to him, so’s to be near to him if he got woonded, and ’tennyrate to breathe the same air he did and sleep under the same stars. She adored him.
It must be remembered that Arvilly had never loved a single thing till she fell in love with this man, her folks dyin’ off and leavin’ her to come up the best she could, and imposed upon and looked down upon on every side, and workin’ hard for a livin’, and after she got old enough to read and understand, bein’ smart as a whip and one of the firmest lovers of justice and fair play that ever wuz born, she become such a firm believer in wimmen’s rights that she got enemies that way. Well, you know right when she started for the World’s Fair, helpin’ herself along by sellin’ the book, “The Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Men” (which she said she felt wuz her duty to promulgate to wimmen to keep ’em from marryin’ and makin’ fools of themselves). Well, right there, some like Paul on his way to Jerusalem breathin’ vengeance against his Lord, a great light struck him down in the road, so with Arvilly, the great light of Love stopped her in her career, she dropped her book, married the man she loved and who loved her, and lived happy as a queen till the Cuban war broke out.
Her husband wuz a good man, not the smartest in the world, but a good, honest God-fearin’ man, who had had a hard time to get along, but always tried to do jest right, and who hailed Arvilly’s bright intellect and practical good sense and household knowledge as a welcome relief from incompetence in hired girl form in the kitchen. His first wife died when his little girl wuz born, and she wuz about seven when Arvilly married her pa. Well, he bein’ jest what he wuz––conscientious, God-fearin’ and havin’ hearn his minister preach powerful sermons on this bein’ a war 92 of God aginst the Devil, enlightenment and Christianity aginst ignorance and barbarism, America aginst Spain––he got all fired up with the sense of what wuz his duty to do, and when his mind wuz made up to that no man or woman could turn him. Arvilly might have just as well spent her tears and entreaties on her soapstun. No, go he must and go he would. But like the good man he wuz, he made everything just as comfortable as he could for her and his little daughter, a pretty creeter that Arvilly too loved dearly. And then he bid ’em a sad adoo, for he loved ’em well, and Arvilly had made his home a comfortable and happy one. But he choked back his tears, tried to smile on ’em with his tremblin’ lips, held ’em both long in his strong arms, onclosed ’em, and they wuz bereft. Well, Arvilly held the weeping little girl in her arms, bent over her with white face and dry eyes, for his sake endured the long days and longer nights alone with the child, for his sake taking good care of her, wondering at the blow that had fell upon her, wondering that if in the future she could be so blest agin as to have a home, for love is the soul of the home, and she felt homeless.
Well, she watched and worked, takin’ good care of the little one, but bolts and bars can’t keep out death; Arvilly’s arms, though she wuz strong boneded, couldn’t. Diphtheria wuz round, little Annie took it; in one week Arvilly wuz indeed alone, and when the sod lay between her and what little likeness of her husband had shone through the child’s pretty face, Arvilly formed a strange resolution, but not so strange but what wimmen have formed it before, and probably will agin till God’s truth shall shine on a dark world and be listened to, and wars shall be no more. She made up her mind to foller the man she loved, to enlist. She wuz always a masculine lookin’ creeter, big, raw boneded, and when she cut off her hair and parted it on one side in a man’s way and put on a suit of her husband’s clothes she looked as much, or more like a man than she had ever 93 looked like a woman. She locked the doors of her home till the cruel war should be ended, and he whose love made her home should return. Till then, if indeed it should ever be, she left her happiness there in the empty, silent rooms and sallied off. She had disposed of her stock and things like that, folks not bein’ surprised at it, bein’ she wuz alone, but all to once she disappeared, utterly and entirely, nobody hearn of her and folks thought that mebby she had wandered off in her grief and put an end to her life. Not one word wuz hearn of her until lo and behold! the strange news come, Arvilly’s husband wuz killed in a drunken brawl in a licensed Canteen down in Cuba and Arvilly had deserted from the army, and of course bein’ a woman they couldn’t touch her for it. That wuz the first we ever knowed that she wuz in the army.
Arvilly deserted from the army and gloried in it; she said, bein’ a woman born, she had never had a right, and now she took it. After her husband wuz buried, and her hull life, too, she thought for a spell, she deserted, but bein’ ketched and court-martialed, she appeared before the officers in her own skirt and bask waist and dared ’em to touch her. Waitstill Webb, the young sweetheart of the man that shot her husband, wuz with her. Good land! Arvilly didn’t lay up nothin’ aginst her or him; he wuz drunk as a fool when he fired the shot. He didn’t know what he wuz doin’; he wuz made irresponsible by the law, till he did the deed, and then made responsible by the same law and shot. Waitstill wuz named from a Puritan great-great-aunt, whose beauty and goodness had fell onto her, poor girl! She stood by Arvilly. They wuz made friends on that dretful night when they had stood by the men they loved, one killed and the other to be killed by the govermunt. Poor things! they wuz bein’ protected, I spoze our govermunt would call it; it always talks a good deal about protectin’ wimmen; ’tennyrate the mantilly of the law hung over ’em both and shaded ’em, one man layin’ dead, shot through the heart, the other condemned to be shot, both on ’em by legal enactments, both men not knowin’ or meanin’ any more harm than my Josiah up in Jonesville if he had been sot fire to by law and then hung by law because he smoked and blistered. Good land! them that sets a fire knows that there has got to be smoke and blisters, there must be.
The officers they wuz just dumb-foundered at the sight of a woman with a bask waist on in that position––a bein’ 95 court-martialed for desertion––and her speech dumb-foundered ’em still more, so I spoze; I hearn it from one who wuz there.
Sez Arvilly to ’em, and they wuz drew up in battle array as you may say, dressed up in uniform and quite a few on ’em, the Stars and Stripes behind ’em, and the mantilly of the law drapin’ ’em in heavy folds. And I don’t spoze that through her hull life Arvilly wuz ever so eloquent as on that occasion. All her powers of mind and heart wuz electrified by the dretful shock and agony she had underwent, and her words fell like a hard storm of lightenin’ and hail out of a sky when it is just stored full of electrical power and has got to bust out.
Sez Arvilly: “You men represent the force and power of the govermunt that falsely sez it is the voice of the people; we two represent the people. As you are the force and power and will of the law, we are the endurance, the suffering. You decide on a war. When did a woman ever have any voice in saying that there should be a war? They bear the sons in agony that you call out to be butchered; their hearts are torn out of their bosoms when they let their husbands, sons and lovers go into the hell of warfare, and you tax all her property to raise money to help furnish the deadly weapons that kill and cut to pieces the warm, living, loving forms that they would give their lives for.
“But you men decide on a war, as you have on this. You say it wuz from motives of philanthropy and justice; you drag us, the people, out of peaceful, happy homes to leave all we love, to face mutilation, agony and death; you say your cause wuz just, I say it is a war of revenge––a war of conquest.”
Why it fairly made goose pimples run over me when I hearn on’t. Sassin’ the govermunt, she wuz––nothin’ more nor less. But she went on worse than ever.
“You say that it wuz to give freedom to the people of Cuba. Look at the millions of your own wimmen enslaved 96 in legal fetters! You say it wuz to protect the wimmen and children of Cuba from the cruelty and brutality of unscrupulous rulers. Look at the wimmen and children of your own country cowering and hiding from crazed drunken husbands, sons and fathers. More misery, murder, suicides, abuse and suffering of every kind is caused by the saloon every day of the year in the United States than ever took place in Cuba in twice the same time, and you not only stand by and see it, but you take pay from the butchers for slaughtering the innocents! You miserable hypocrites, you!” Sez Arvilly, “I would talk about pity and mercy, you that know no pity and no mercy for your own wimmen and children.
“You pose before foreign nations as a reformer, a righter of wrongs, when you have cherished and are cherishing now the most gigantic crime and wrong that ever cursed a people; turning a deaf ear to the burdened and dying about you; wives, mothers, daughters––for whose safety and well-being you are responsible––have told you that the saloon killed all the manhood and nobility of their husbands, sons, and fathers; made the pure, good men, who loved and protected them, into cold-hearted brutes and demons who would turn and rend them––still you would not hear. You have seen the dretful procession of one hundred thousand funerals pass before you every year, slain by this foe that you pamper and protect.
“Lovers of good laws have told you that the saloon blocked up the way to every reform and wuz the greatest curse of the day; still you threw your mighty protection around the system and helped it on. The most eminent doctors have told you that drunkenness ruined the bodies of men; Christian clergymen told you that it ruined their souls, and that the saloon was the greatest enemy the Church of Christ had to contend with to-day; that when by its efforts and sacrifices it saved one soul from ruin, the 97 saloon ruined two to fill the place of that one who wuz saved, and still you opholded it.
“Petitions signed
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