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had another note hit my desk. I groaned then opened it. My eyes got wide.

Hey, Do you wanna go out with me after school?

-josh

I didn't need the signiture at the end to know it was from Josh. He had the neatest hand writing I had ever seen. Why was he now being nice? His bi-polar actions were starting to annoy me. I liked him a lot but I didn't like the fact that the way he treated me.....changed from when we're alone and at home, to when he's with his friends in school. I looked up. He was in the row behind me. None of his friends having study hall's with him I'm guessing. He looked up from his iPod. He smiled and winked at me. I couldn't help it. A smile came upon my face and heat came to my cheeks. I turned back around. Maybe I could talk to him, about how much this bothers me. Maybe it would make a slight difference. I nodded at my thoughts as I agreed with myself.
yeah, you have to take me home anyway. Not only today either all year mister. If you ditch me and make me walk I'll hurt you. :-)

I folded the paper back up and turned to Josh.

"Here." I muttered. He took it and read it over and smiled. He poked my shoulder. I turned again.

"I wouldn't do that to a girl as pretty as you." He whispered. I chuckled.

"Sureee." I muttered.

"Miss Archer! Do we have a problem? Face forward and stop interupting Mr.Biersack." I rolled my eyes. What was this ladies deal with me? I turned back around and continued with my studies. I sighed. My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. My eyes got wide. I saw other people with there phones out in plain sight. Was it okay? I usually had a different study hall teacher but still she was okay with it. I shrugged and pulled my phone out. Hiding it under the desk.

Joshie- Haha she does NOT like you

I laughed and put my phone back in my pocket. My pocket then vibrated again. I sighed pulling it out again.

Joshie-Hey! Your suppose to talk back. That's rude ya know.

I smirked and put my phone back in my pocket. Maybe it was just earlier...Maybe he was going to act different now. Maybe it was because I was in the younger grades that he acted like that to me, and now that I'm in his senior class he would treat me the same as at home. He just needed to get used to it. I nodded. The bell rang. I sighed in relief. Finally it's over. I grabbed my books and slid them into my purse. I Jayce grabbed my arm but not before Macy.

"Would you maybe want to hang out some time. I haven't been here in a while and practicaly zero people remember me...It's like coming to a new school all over again. And usually your suppose to make new friends right?" She said smiling. Jaycec stood beside me rolling his eyes. I chuckled.

"Yeah you can just text me. (484)841-7871." I said. She nodded, putting it into her phone.

"I will thank you so much." She said smiling and starting walking passed the people clogged at the door. Jayce's grip on my arm tightened.

"What is your problem?" I asked shrugging him off. He sighed.

"I told you not to be friends with her A." He said. I nodded.

"Yes, but you can't choose my friends for me. Your forgetting people change over the years. You did. Why is it so hard to believe that she has to? Your gay now. Why is there a problem? Do you still feel for her or something? I don't get how that works." I said. Jayce walked beside me.

"I'm undecided." He said nervously. I nodded.

"So you might have feelings for her. That's okay." I said. He shook his head.

"No I'm undecided on my orientation Goober." He said. His eyebrows furrowed. My eyes got wide.

"But I thought you were sure." I said. He nodded.

"I never was really.But I was leaning more towards guys so..I thought I was..But certain girls make me uncertain. I think that goes for anyone." He said. I nodded.

"I'm here for you..No matter what your orientation is." I said jokingly. He chuckled and pushed me playfully as we hit the pavement of the parking lot.

"Whatever A. I gotta get home loverss youu." He said hugging me tight. I laughed.

"Love you too." I said turning and walking towards Josh's camaro. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the passenger side. I tried opening the door but it was locked. How convenient. I sighed angrily. I glanced at the back of the car. Cassy and Josh continued sucking on eachothers faces. I shifted from each hip. I started to gag as Cassy moaned silently. I couldn't stop gagging. I then felt my lunch come up my throat and out my mouth and hit the grass in front of the pavement. I finally stopped and wiped my mouth with my sleeve. I turned to see Cassy and Josh both looking at me. Cassy looked at me in disgust.
"She probably saw her reflection in the glass of the window." She muttered. Josh sighed.

"Do you have to leave right now..?" Cassy whined playing with the collar of his shirt. He chuckled.

"Yes I have to leave babe. I'll call you tonight." He said. I felt like gagging again. Cassy pouted then smiled.

"Or..You could come over tonight?" She asked smiling. I smirked as I saw the look that flashed across josh's face for a second. Pure disgust. He kissed her gently.

"I gotta...help Alex with her homework tonight. Sorry. Bye." He said. Cassy groaned.

"Why do you insist on even coperating with her? Oh I forgot..She's your little charity case..but don't worry she is for everyone." She said looking at me smirking. I chuckled.

"Oh yeah that's it. That's why he's driving me home and helping me instead of tending to your skanky needs. You keep telling yourself that he stays for your beuty. But really it's because your his charity case..Not.Me." I said opening the door and sitting in the passengers side. Cassy stepped to the side. Her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. Josh groaned.

"Why did you say that?" He asked angrily. I sighed.

"Becuase of what you did to Jayce today. Because of your ass of behavior in school." I said. He sighed.

"I'm the main man...I like it that way and I liked being there...Once we graduate it will be different Ale boo. I promise." I nodded.

"Just take me home." I said flatly. He cocked an eyebrow.

"But what about pizza?" He asked. I scoffed.

"Oh, are you going to drive to Canada so your friends don't see us eating together? Or are you gonna go get take out and bring it to the car so they don't know about you actually caring about an embarrassment like me? huh? " I said angrily. He groaned.

"Your not an embarrasment Alex." I nodded.

"Oh really?!? Then why don't you sit with me at lunch? Maybe we could eat some pizza then and we talk about the same stuff we do at home. Like comic books." I said with fake excitement. He sighed.

"I can't.." He drownded off. I nodded. The car stopped in front of my house.

"Exactly." I said angrily and opened the door, slamming it and walking up the driveway to my house. Josh groaned.

"Don't be that way Alex." He said. I turned.

"Why don't you talk to me when me, your little embarrassment gives a crap." I said running into the house. Tears coming to my eyes. I opened the door, slamming it behind me.


Watch Me Bleed



Chapter 3


I cried against my pillow softly. I then stood up and walked over to the window. Josh’s car didn’t move. The little part of my head repeated to me “Maybe He’ll Come Up Like In The Seventies Movies.” But then the car pulled away. The tears flowed down my cheeks. Everything that had happened between us meant nothing to him. No one knew about the little things that had happened but us. They were always a secret and ever since I knew him. I was the little secret. I was never good enough for him to jus acknowledge me. When I was ten and he was 11 it was okay because I wasn’t like I am now. I wasn’t this person that didn’t wear any colors that involved anything other then black and dark colors. And it’s him who did this to me. I had never cried before I was 13. Not even a tear had ever left my eyes. I had never cried until the day when everything changed between us... When my heart was broke.....


October 2nd 2008


I waited on the Biersack’s steps. I sighed again and looked at the pink watch that rested on my wrist. It was 4:00 already. He said to meet up with him here at 3:30. I thought to myself. I sighed and pulled my phone out. With the Victoria’s secret phone cover. I looked in my messages to see if he had texted me back. No New Messages. I read. I sighed.

“Joshy.....Where are you..” I said sadly. I yawned slightly. I then saw Josh walking past the tree that was at the corner. I smiled brightly. A frown then crossed my lips as I saw another figure beside him. She was maybe 5’5 with bottle blonde hair. She wore a pink skirt that didn’t even go past her upper knee’s. She wore a black blouse that was unbuttoned a little. It showing the lacy undershirt and bra. My eyebrows furrowed. I looked at her face. She had chunky cheeks but they were just enough, not to much and not to little. Her eyes glittered. Josh continued talking with her and she giggled. They stopped in front of the sidewalk. Neither noticing me sitting on the steps.

“This was fun Joshy.” The girl said. My eyes widened. Only I called him that. He only let me call him that. I felt the anger go through my body. Josh chuckled.

“It was but I got to go.” He said. The girl then spotted me. She grinned. She probably seeing the anger and confusion on my face. She then wrapped her arms around his waist. She then got on her tippy toes and kissed Josh. My jaw dropped. Josh was mine practically. We’d spent every day together this whole summer. He kissed me and held hands with me. What the hell was this? I felt my heart drop as Josh

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