Humor
Read books online » Humor » Are Women People? by Alice Duer Miller (best detective novels of all time TXT) 📖

Book online «Are Women People? by Alice Duer Miller (best detective novels of all time TXT) 📖». Author Alice Duer Miller



1 2 3 4 5 6
Go to page:
Terre Haute at the last election, asserted District Attorney Dailey."—Press Dispatch.)

Are the polls unfit for decent women?

No, sir, they are perfectly orderly.

Tut, tut! Go there at once and swear and be brutal, or what will become of our anti-suffrage argument?

Sometimes We're Ivy, and Sometimes We're Oak


Is it true that the English government is calling on women to do work abandoned by men?

Yes, it is true.

Is not woman's place the home?

No, not when men need her services outside the home.

Will she never be told again that her place is the home?

Oh, yes, indeed.

When?

As soon as men want their jobs back again.

Do You Know


That in 1869 Miss Jex-Blake and four other women entered for a medical degree at the University of Edinburgh?

That the president of the College of Physicians refused to give the women the prizes they had won?

That the undergraduates insulted any professor who allowed women to compete for prizes?

That the women were stoned in the streets, and finally excluded from the medical school?

That in 1877 the British Medical Association declared women ineligible for membership?

That in 1881 the International Medical Congress excluded women from all but its "social and ceremonial meetings"?

That the Obstetrical Society refused to allow a woman's name to appear on the title page of a pamphlet which she had written with her husband?

That according to a recent dispatch from London, many hospitals, since the outbreak of hostilities, have asked women to become resident physicians, and public authorities are daily endeavoring to obtain women as assistant medical officers and as school doctors?

Interviews With Celebrated Anti-Suffragists


"Woman's place is in my home."—Appius Claudius.

"I have never felt the need of the ballot."—Cleopatra.

"Magna Charta merely fashionable fad of ye Barons."—King John.

"Boston Tea Party shows American colonists to be hysterical and utterly incapable of self-government."—George III.

"Know of no really good slaves who desire emancipation."—President of the United Slaveholders' Protective Association.

Another of Those Curious Coincidences


On February 15, the House of Representatives passed a bill making it unlawful to ship in interstate commerce the products of a mill, cannery or factory which have been produced by the labor of children under fourteen years.

Forty-three gentlemen voted against it.

Forty-one of those forty-three had also voted against the woman suffrage bill.

Not one single vote was cast against it by a representative from any state where women vote for Congressmen.

The New Freedom


"The Michigan commission on industrial relations has discovered," says "The Detroit Journal," "that thousands of wives support their husbands."

Woman's place is the home, but under a special privilege she is sometimes allowed to send her wages as a substitute.

To the Great Dining Out Majority


The New York State Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage is sending out leaflets to its members urging them to "tell every man you meet, your tailor, your postman, your grocer, as well as your dinner partner, that you are opposed to woman suffrage."

We hope that the 90,000 sewing machine operatives, the 40,000 saleswomen, the 32,000 laundry operatives, the 20,000 knitting and silk mill girls, the 17,000 women janitors and cleaners, the 12,000 cigar-makers, to say nothing of the 700,000 other women and girls in industry in New York State, will remember when they have drawn off their long gloves and tasted their oysters to tell their dinner partners that they are opposed to woman suffrage because they fear it might take women out of the home.

WOMEN'S SPHERE

Many Men to Any Woman

If you have beauty, charm, refinement, tact,

If you can prove that should I set you free,

You would not contemplate the smallest act

That might annoy or interfere with me.

If you can show that women will abide

By the best standards of their womanhood—

(And I must be the person to decide

What in a woman is the highest good);

If you display efficiency supreme

In philanthropic work devoid of pay;

If you can show a clearly thought-out scheme

For bringing the millennium in a day:

Why, then, dear lady, at some time remote,

I might consider giving you the vote.

A Sex Difference

When men in Congress come to blows at something someone said,

I always notice that it shows their blood is quick and red;

But if two women disagree, with very little noise,

It proves, and this seems strange to me, that women have no poise.

Advice to Heroines


I

A heroine must shrink and cling

When heroes are about,

And thus the watching world will think:

"How brave his heart and stout!"

But if he chance to be away

When bright-faced dangers shine,

It will be best for her to play

The oak-tree, not the vine.

In fact the most important thing

Is knowing when it's time to cling.

II

With apologies to R.L.S.

A heroine must be polite

And do what others say is right,

And think men wise and formidable—

At least as far as she is able.

Mutual Vows

"My dear," he said, "observe this frightful bill,

Run up, I think you'll own, against my will.

If you will recollect our wedding day

You vowed on that occasion to obey."

"I do recall the day," said she, "and how

Me with your worldly goods you did endow."

"That," he replied, "is palpably absurd----"

"You mean you did not mean to keep your word?"

"O, yes," he answered, "in a general way."

"And that," said she, "is how I meant obey."

If They Meant All They Said

Charm is a woman's strongest arm;

My charwoman is full of charm;

I chose her, not for strength of arm

But for her strange elusive charm.

And how tears heighten woman's powers!

My typist weeps for hours and hours:

I took her for her weeping powers—

They so delight my business hours.

A woman lives by intuition.

Though my accountant shuns addition

She has the rarest intuition.

(And I myself can do addition.)

Timidity in girls is nice.

My cook is so afraid of mice.

Now you'll admit it's very nice

To feel your cook's afraid of mice.

Democracy

Democracy is this—to hold

That all who wander down the pike

In cart or car, on foot or bike,

Or male or female, young or old,

Are much alike—are much alike.

Feminism

"Mother, what is a Feminist?"

"A Feminist, my daughter,

Is any woman now who cares

To think about her own affairs

As men don't think she oughter."

The Warning

No, it isn't home neglecting

If you spend your time selecting

Seven blouses and a jacket and a hat;

Or to give your day to paying

Needless visits, or to playing

Auction bridge. What critic could object to that?

But to spend two precious hours

At a lecture! Oh, my powers,

The home is all a woman needs to learn.

And an hour, or a quarter,

Spent in voting! Why, my daughter,

You could not find your home on your return.

Evolution

Said Mr. Jones in 1910:

"Women, subject yourselves to men."

Nineteen-Eleven heard him quote:

"They rule the world without the vote."

By Nineteen-Twelve, he would submit

"When all the women wanted it."

By Nineteen-Thirteen, looking glum,

He said that it was bound to come.

This year I heard him say with pride:

"No reasons on the other side!"

By Nineteen-Fifteen, he'll insist

He's always been a suffragist.

And what is really stranger, too,

He'll think that what he says is true.

Intercepted

"Only the worst of them vote."

"Are not the suffragists frights?"

"Nietzsche's the person to quote."

"I prefer love to my rights."

"Are not the suffragists frights?"

"Sex is their only appeal."

"I prefer love to my rights."

"No, we don't think, but we feel."

"Sex is their only appeal."

"Woman belongs at the loom."

"No, we don't think, but we feel."

"Doesn't it rub off the bloom?"

"Woman belongs at the loom."

"Isn't the speaker a bore!"

"Doesn't it rub off the bloom?"

"Oh, it's a fad—nothing more."

"Isn't the speaker a bore!"

"Nietzsche's the person to quote."

"Oh, it's a fad—nothing more."

"Only the worst of them vote."

The Universal Answer

Oh, there you go again,

Invading man's domain!

It's Nature's laws, you know, you are defying.

Don't fancy that you can

Be really like a man,

So what's the use of all this fuss and trying?

It seems to me so clear,

That women's highest sphere

Is being loving wives and patient mothers.

Oh, can't you be content

To be as you were meant?

{souls

For {books belong to husbands and to brothers.

{votes

Candor


(By an admirer of the late H.C. Bunner.)

"I know what you're going to say," she said,

And she stood up, causing him some alarm;

"You're going to tell me I'll lose my charm,

And what is a woman when charm has fled?

And you're going to say that you greatly fear

I don't understand a woman's sphere;

Now aren't you honestly?" "Yes," he said.

"I know what you're going to say," she said,

"You're going to ask what I hope to gain

By stepping down to the dusty plain,

By seeking a stone when I might have bread;

You're going to say: 'Can a vote replace

The tender force of a woman's grace?'

Now, aren't you honestly?" "Yes," he said.

"I know what you're going to do," he said,

"You're going to talk to me all day long

Trying to make me see I'm wrong;

And other men who are less misled

Will pale with jealousy when they see

The time you give to converting me;

Now, aren't you honestly?" "Ye-es," she said.

What Every Woman Must Not Say

"I don't pretend I'm clever," he remarked, "or very wise,"

And at this she murmured, "Really," with the right polite surprise.

"But women," he continued, "I must own I understand;

Women are a contradiction—honorable and underhand—

Constant as the star Polaris, yet as changeable as Fate,

Always flying what they long for, always seeking what they hate."

"Don't you think," began the lady, but he cut her short: "I see

That you take it personally—women always do," said he.

"You will pardon me for saying every woman is the same,

Always greedy for approval, always sensitive to blame;

Sweet and passionate are women; weak in mind, though strong in soul;

Even you admit, I fancy, that they have no self-control?"

"No, I don't admit they haven't," said the patient lady then,

"Or they could not sit and listen to the nonsense talked by men."

Chivalry

It's treating a woman politely

As long as she isn't a fright:

It's guarding the girls who act rightly,

If you can be judge of what's right;

It's being—not just, but so pleasant;

It's tipping while wages are low;

It's making a beautiful present,

And failing to pay what you owe.

From Our Own Nursery Rhymes

"Chivalry, Chivalry, where have you been?"

"I've been out seeking a beautiful queen."

"Chivalry, Chivalry, what did you find?"

"Commonplace women, not much to my mind."

Women
(With rather insincere apologies to Mr. Rudyard Kipling.)

I went to ask my government if they would set me free,

They gave a pardoned crook a vote, but hadn't one for me;

The men about me laughed and frowned and said: "Go home, because

We really can't be bothered when we're busy making laws."

Oh, it's women this, and women that and women have no sense,

But it's pay your taxes promptly when it comes to the expense,

It comes to the expense, my dears, it comes to the expense,

It's pay your taxes promptly when it comes to the expense.

I went into a factory to earn my daily bread:

Men said: "The home is woman's sphere." "I have no home," I said.

But when the men all marched to war, they cried to wife and maid,

"Oh, never mind about the home, but save the export trade."

For it's women this and women that, and home's the place for you,

But it's patriotic angels when there's outside work to do,

There's outside work to do, my dears, there's outside work to do,

It's patriotic angels when there's outside work to do.

We are not really senseless, and we are not angels, too,

But very human beings, human just as much as you.

It's hard upon occasions to be forceful and sublime

When you're treated as incompetents three-quarters of the time.

But it's women this and women

1 2 3 4 5 6
Go to page:

Free ebook «Are Women People? by Alice Duer Miller (best detective novels of all time TXT) 📖» - read online now

Comments (0)

There are no comments yet. You can be the first!
Add a comment