William Tell Told Again by P. G. Wodehouse (most read book in the world TXT) 📖
- Author: P. G. Wodehouse
Book online «William Tell Told Again by P. G. Wodehouse (most read book in the world TXT) 📖». Author P. G. Wodehouse
"Can't yer see," shouted a friend, when Friesshardt made no reply, "the pore thing ain't alive? 'E's stuffed!"
Roars of laughter greeted this sally. Friesshardt, in spite of the fact that he enjoyed a joke, turned pink.
"'E's blushing!" shrieked a voice.
Friesshardt turned purple.
Then things got still more exciting.
"'Ere," said a rough voice in the crowd impatiently, "wot's the good of torkin' to 'em? Gimme that 'ere egg, missus!"
And in another instant an egg flew across the meadow, and burst over Leuthold's shoulder. The crowd howled with delight. This was something like fun, thought they, and the next moment eggs, cabbages, cats, and missiles of every sort darkened the air. The two soldiers raved and shouted, but did not dare to leave their post. At last, just as the storm was at its height, it ceased, as if by magic. Everyone in the crowd turned round, and, as he turned, jumped into the air and waved his hat.
A deafening cheer went up.
"Hurrah!" cried the mob; "here comes good old Tell! Now there's going to be a jolly row!"
Chapter VIIITell came striding along, Walter by his side, and his cross-bow over his shoulder. He knew nothing about the hat having been placed on the pole, and he was surprised to see such a large crowd gathered in the meadow. He bowed to the crowd in his polite way, and the crowd gave three cheers and one more, and he bowed again.
"Hullo!" said Walter suddenly; "look at that hat up there, father. On the pole."
"What is the hat to us?" said Tell; and he began to walk across the meadow with an air of great dignity, and Walter walked by his side, trying to look just like him.
"Here! hi!" shouted the soldiers. "Stop! You haven't bowed down to the cap."
Tell looked scornful, but said nothing. Walter looked still more scornful.
"Ho, there!" shouted Friesshardt, standing in front of him. "I bid you stand in the Emperor's name."
"My good fellow," said Tell, "please do not bother me. I am in a hurry. I really have nothing for you."
"My orders is," said Friesshardt, "to stand in this 'ere meadow and to see as how all them what passes through it does obeisance to that there hat. Them's Governor's orders, them is. So now."
"My good fellow," said Tell, "let me pass. I shall get cross, I know I shall."
Shouts of encouragement from the crowd, who were waiting patiently for the trouble to begin.
"Go it, Tell!" they cried. "Don't stand talking to him. Hit him a kick!"
Friesshardt became angrier every minute.
"My orders is," he said again, "to arrest them as don't bow down to the hat, and for two pins, young feller, I'll arrest you. So which is it to be? Either you bow down to that there hat or you come along of me."
Tell pushed him aside, and walked on with his chin in the air. Walter went with him, with his chin in the air.
WHACK!
A howl of dismay went up from the crowd as they saw Friesshardt raise his pike and bring it down with all his force on Tell's head. The sound of the blow went echoing through the meadow and up the hills and down the valleys.
"Ow!" cried Tell.
"Now," thought the crowd, "things must begin to get exciting."
Tell's first idea was that one of the larger mountains in the neighbourhood had fallen on top of him. Then he thought that there must have been an earthquake. Then it gradually dawned upon him that he had been hit by a mere common soldier with a pike. Then he was angry.
"Look here!" he began.
"Look there!" said Friesshardt, pointing to the cap.
"You've hurt my head very much," said Tell. "Feel the bump. If I hadn't happened to have a particularly hard head I don't know what might not have happened;" and he raised his fist and hit Friesshardt; but as Friesshardt was wearing a thick iron helmet the blow did not hurt him very much.
But it had the effect of bringing the crowd to Tell's assistance. They had been waiting all this time for him to begin the fighting, for though they were very anxious to attack the soldiers, they did not like to do so by themselves. They wanted a leader.
So when they saw Tell hit Friesshardt, they tucked up their sleeves, grasped their sticks and cudgels more tightly, and began to run across the meadow towards him.
Neither of the soldiers noticed this. Friesshardt was busy arguing with Tell, and Leuthold was laughing at Friesshardt. So when the people came swarming up with their sticks and cudgels they were taken by surprise. But every soldier in the service of Gessler was as brave as a lion, and Friesshardt and Leuthold were soon hitting back merrily, and making a good many of the crowd wish that they had stayed at home. The two soldiers were wearing armour, of course, so that it was difficult to hurt them; but the crowd, who wore no armour, found that they could get hurt very easily. Conrad Hunn, for instance, was attacking Friesshardt, when the soldier happened to drop his pike. It fell on Conrad's toe, and Conrad limped away, feeling that fighting was no fun unless you had thick boots on.
And so for a time the soldiers had the best of the fight.
Chapter IXFor many minutes the fight raged furiously round the pole, and the earth shook beneath the iron boots of Friesshardt and Leuthold as they rushed about, striking out right and left with their fists and the flats of their pikes. Seppi the cowboy (an ancestor, by the way, of Buffalo Bill) went down before a tremendous blow by Friesshardt, and Leuthold knocked Klaus von der Flue head over heels.
"What you want" said Arnold of Sewa, who had seen the beginning of the fight from the window of his cottage and had hurried to join it, and, as usual, to give advice to everybody--"what you want here is guile. That's what you
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