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Book online «A Christmas Garland by Sir Max Beerbohm (e book reader for pc txt) 📖». Author Sir Max Beerbohm



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You see these movesome. Do you not recall,

We once went in a party and beheld

All manner of absurd things happening

On one of those same—planets, don't you call them?

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS (screwing up his eyes at the Solar System).

One of that very swarm it was, if I mistake not.

It had a parasite that called itself

Napol�on. And lately, I believe,

Another parasite has had the impudence

To publish an elaborate account

Of our (for so we deemed it) private visit.

SPIRIT SINISTER.

His name?

RECORDING ANGEL.

One moment.

(Turns over leaves.)

Hardy, Mr. Thomas,

Novelist. Author of "The Woodlanders,"

"Far from the Madding Crowd," "The Trumpet Major,"

"Tess of the D'Urbervilles," etcetera,

Etcetera. In 1895

"Jude the Obscure" was published, and a few

Hasty reviewers, having to supply

A column for the day of publication,

Filled out their space by saying that there were

Several passages that might have been

Omitted with advantage. Mr. Hardy

Saw that if that was so, well then, of course,

Obviously the only thing to do

Was to write no more novels, and forthwith

Applied himself to drama, and to Us.

SPIRIT IRONIC.

Let us hear what he said about Us.

THE OTHER SPIRITS.

Let's.

RECORDING ANGEL (raising receiver of aerial telephone).

3 oh 4 oh oh 3 5, Space.... Hulloa.

Is that the Superstellar Library?

I'm the Recording Angel. Kindly send me

By Spirit-Messenger a copy of

"The Dynasts" by T. Hardy. Thank you.

A pause. Enter Spirit-Messenger, with copy of "The Dynasts."

Thanks.

Exit Spirit-Messenger. The Recording Angel reads "The Dynasts" aloud.

Just as the reading draws to a close, enter the Spirit of Mr. Clement Shorter and Chorus of Subtershorters. They are visible as small grey transparencies swiftly interpenetrating the brains of the spatial Spirits.

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

It is a book which, once you take it up,

You cannot readily lay down.

SPIRIT SINISTER.

There is

Not a dull page in it.

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

A bold conception

Outcarried with that artistry for which

The author's name is guarantee. We have

No hesitation in commending to our readers

A volume which—

The Spirit of Mr. Clement Shorter and Chorus of Subtershorters are detected and expelled.

—we hasten to denounce

As giving an entirely false account

Of our impressions.

SPIRIT IRONIC.

Hear, hear!

SPIRIT SINISTER.

Hear, hear!

SPIRIT OF THE PITIES.

Hear!

SPIRIT OF THE YEARS.

Intensive vision has this Mr. Hardy,

With a dark skill in weaving word-patterns

Of subtle ideographies that mark him

A man of genius. So am not I,

But a plain Spirit, simple and forthright,

With no damned philosophical fal-lals

About me. When I visited that planet

And watched the animalculae thereon,

I never said they were "automata"

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