To All the Boys that Broke my Heart Before by Belén Domínguez (best e reader for manga .txt) 📖

would’ve broken me for sure, and going back to college, seeing you in the corridors wouldn’t have been pretty either. In part was my fault for believing everything you said when people who actually knew you for much longer told me not to fall for you.

Do you know how I know that you have no idea of the damage you made? Because, one day, you texted me to ask for advice on what you should give your girlfriend as a gift. I was annoyed because as far as I know you were pretty aware that I liked you, and you’ve said how much you liked me before. So, why the fuck would you come to me for advice on what to give your girlfriend? Are you dumb? You have so many friends that could’ve helped you. That was so stupid, honestly. You asked where to get those makeup bags, and I sort of helped telling you where to get cheap ones, but I did because I’m a nice person and shouldn’t hold any grudges. Perhaps, you truly didn’t know what was going on, I can understand that. But, you don’t need to be the brightest mind to at least figure out that I was indeed kind of crushed when you basically cut me out of your life twice. To ask for advice as to what to give your girlfriend was the last straw—now, I think you’re truly stupid. I don’t know if you were doing it on purpose or not, the point is that you are basically the dumbest person I’ve seen in a long time. How can you do that? It might not be that big of a deal for you, but it truly was for me.

Anyway, the past is in the past, and quite honestly, I am finally starting to stop thinking about you, surprisingly. I used to wonder about everything and I hated that my mind went back to those times. I hate the fact that for so long I’ve thought about nothing but you, though you didn’t hurt me as much as you think, and I will admit that part of this is my fault, for not listening to my friends when they warned me about it. So, I apologize to them for not listening, promise I will next time.

 

With love, Belén.

EIGHT — FREDERIC

Dear Frederic,

You are adorable, there´s no denying that. You are funny, caring, sweet, and work hard for what you want. Sometimes you probably wonder what went wrong, and here I will answer that.

At first, I was not entirely convinced if it was a good idea to start this book and include you in it. What if you found it? Though, if you did, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, at least you could know what was I thinking during the period of time we were hanging out and almost becoming a thing. But, knowing you, of course, there will be a few things that I mention here that you won’t agree with; in fact, it would drive you mad because you would think it is not true. The thing is, this is my perspective and something I would’ve love to find the courage to share with you, but I have the risk that you wouldn’t want to talk about it and would prefer to leave me on read—is not like you haven’t done it in the past, anyway.

The first thing I will mention is that I was scared. Did I like you romantically? The answer is a big yes. I wanted to be with you. Now, the problem was that you were going too fast and you wouldn’t understand when I explained that I wanted to take things slow. To me, that was a huge red flag. I started thinking about how if you were that little comprehensive without officially being together, then how would it be if I agreed to start a new relationship with you. I thought countless times about us, you would be amazed. I was so close to starting something with you because as time went by I realized that it was unfair that if I liked you so much, why didn’t I give you chance? One of the reasons was that when we took a step forward, at the same time we would do five steps back, and that was not okay. I never understood what exactly was going through your head, but every time I tried to talk about it you would just ignore me completely. That would drive me crazy.

I’ll be as straightforward as possible. Do you know what I hated the most? That you blamed me for everything. Yes, you blamed me for everything that went wrong between us. I won’t act as if part of the fault wasn’t because of me. I wasn’t sure if to give us a chance. I liked you a lot but I was not completely convinced—I’ll give you that. But, when I started getting closer to you, you started to slowly vanish away. To me, it was so confusing because the last time that we hung out, it wasn’t as sweet as the other times, but it was okay. Afterward, we texted for a few more days, and then out of nowhere, you stopped replying. You didn’t give me an explanation. It drove me crazy because just a few days before, we seemed alright. I wish we would’ve had more communication, maybe that way, things would’ve ended differently. Who knows? Maybe today we would be together. But, no. You quickly replaced me, going to another girl—not the friend that I mentioned previously, but you got another girlfriend. You stated on WhatsApp—the last time you were replying to my messages where I was trying to figure out what happened—that I was basically the one to blame; and there’s nothing worse than someone who can’t see their mistakes. You never explained, you left me hanging with a text message that made me think that you were about to tell me everything, but you never did. So, of course, I left you on read, at this point I was just so over the situation. I felt so bad in my stomach about the whole thing, my mind was going crazy. I’ve never felt like this before and I didn’t like it one bit. You specifically said that you still felt something for me and we wouldn’t do anything unless I knew what I wanted. Well, my friend, something that you don’t know is that I was ready, but if you actually knew me you would know that I wasn’t going to beg. I wasn’t being difficult and confusing like in the past, it was pretty simple to deduce that I wanted something with you. You could see it in our text messages. Honey, go back to our conversations on WhatsApp before you started ignoring and will see it, now that I tell you about it maybe now you will finally be able to open your eyes and see that I wanted it.

For crying out loud, I even told you that I actually liked you and wanted to be in a relationship with you! Again, re-read our conversations since you forget things, I stated clearly that I was ready. But, there was a freaking pandemic! We couldn’t be in a relationship with the whole COVID-19 going on. I don’t know what you were thinking, but the last thing that I wanted was to have a boyfriend and then not see him because we were supposed to be in quarantine. I remember you went back to your ex during the pandemic, and I thought it was stupid because we weren’t supposed to be in contact with other people. . . But, whatever.

So, yeah, I wanted it, but a lot of things happened. Maybe, it wasn’t our time. Maybe, it won’t ever be. At least, you could’ve straightened things out with me, but you chose not to. Perhaps, you didn’t care enough, or nothing at all. I can’t know for sure because you rarely wanted to share what you thought about this with me. The main problem was how we communicated with one another, we didn’t, there you have it.

I said I was going to clear things and say what the problem was, you can agree on it or not, it is up to you. It’s not like it makes that much of a difference. Look, if you’re happy, that matters a lot. I know that I am finally starting to understand that perhaps it is time to move on and close this chapter in our lives. I just hope that if you break up with this other girl, you don’t come back. Maybe try to reach out to me as friends, because I still may like you and if you come back to try something with me, I am still pretty weak and may give in. I wanted so badly to give us a chance, but so many things happened and a few tears have escaped my eyes, I really don’t want to suffer again. I stopped reaching out because you were not doing the same amount of effort I was. You decided to hold on to your pride and leave things hanging. Listen, I said many times I didn’t want to lose you and you said I wasn’t going to. . . I don’t know what to believe anymore. I feel like I lost you. I don’t want to say forever, but it sure feels like it.

Answer that, please. . . Have I lost you forever? As a friend? As a romantic interest? Are we just back to being acquaintances?

Even though we didn’t get to hang out so many times and things stayed a bit cold between us, I do wish you the very best. I hope you’re happy. Remember, I am not stating that everything is your fault. I’m not entirely blaming you. But, you have to admit, that it is not all my fault. What hurts is that you believed that I was the problem of the whole thing. Which made me realize so many things about our almost relationship and the flaws it had. Unless we wanted to work on solving those issues we would be too toxic for each other, and that is not healthy for either one of us.

Did I like you? Yes, you know that, and I know you liked me. . . A lot. But, maybe it wasn’t our time and that sometimes happens. It is painful, but it is what it is. Quite honestly, I do feel much better with getting all of this out of my system. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels great to be straightforward with all of this and let you know my point of view. It has been pretty difficult to easily say all of this, and I couldn’t summarize it of course because a lot was going on in my head; it would’ve been impossible to put it all in simple words.

But, now you know, it’s all out, and I feel much better, surprisingly, I thought it would bring back painful memories, but, it has been relieving to share all of this. Anyway, to