Henry IV, Part I William Shakespeare (best book series to read TXT) 📖

the matter? Falstaff What’s the matter! there be four of us here have ta’en a thousand pound this day morning. Prince Where is it, Jack? where is it? Falstaff Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon poor four of us. Prince What, a hundred, man? Falstaff I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have ’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut through and through; my sword hacked like a hand-saw⁠—ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. Prince Speak, sirs; how was it? Gadshill We four set upon some dozen⁠— Falstaff Sixteen at least, my lord. Gadshill And bound them. Peto No, no, they were not bound. Falstaff You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. Gadshill As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us⁠— Falstaff And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. Prince What, fought you with them all? Falstaff All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. Prince Pray God you have not murdered some of them. Falstaff Nay, that’s past praying for: I have peppered two of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me⁠— Prince What, four? thou saidst but two even now. Falstaff Four, Hal; I told thee four. Poins Ay, ay, he said four. Falstaff These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven points in my target, thus. Prince Seven? why, there were but four even now. Falstaff In buckram? Poins Ay, four, in buckram suits. Falstaff Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. Prince Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. Falstaff Dost thou hear me, Hal? Prince Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. Falstaff Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of⁠— Prince So, two more already. Falstaff Their points being broken⁠— Poins Down fell their hose. Falstaff Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid. Prince O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! Falstaff But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand. Prince These lies are like their father that begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch⁠— Falstaff What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth the truth? Prince Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this? Poins Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. Falstaff What, upon compulsion? ’Zounds, an I were at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! if reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. Prince I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horse-back-breaker, this huge hill of flesh⁠— Falstaff ’Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing-tuck⁠— Prince Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this. Poins Mark, Jack. Prince We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? Poins Come, let’s hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now? Falstaff By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince? why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? Prince Content; and the argument shall be thy running away. Falstaff Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me! Enter Hostess. Hostess O Jesu, my lord the