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pain-in-the-posterior ones, once you’ve had some time away from them, you realise they’ve always got their hooks in you, energetically speaking. It’s only when you see them again, you feel how much you’ve missed them, how much you need them.’ Amanda’s gooey eyes are fixed on Bobby. Her words make Erin wonder whether there’s something wrong with her because she didn’t feel a surge of gladness when she was handed her baby last night. When she looked down at his closed eyes as he fed first thing this morning it didn’t feel like he had his energetic hooks in her, it didn’t feel like there was anything between them. But he’s chained to her, stuck with her poor boy. ‘Anyway, it’s just a thought. What do I know?’ Amanda says as Bobby places a hand on her freckled cheek. A lot more than I do, Erin thinks.

She clicks the brake of the buggy and goes to open her front door. Amanda flicks her rain-darkened hair into Bobby’s face and it looks like he might actually be enjoying it. Erin’s phone buzzes in her pocket. The long vibration of an email. Something lights up in her at the thought of some news, something tantalising from the outside world and Amanda catches it. She looks at the baby and back at Erin then she bursts into a beaming smile, eyes moistening. Erin swallows spit, ashamed, because she was excited to get an email and Amanda thought the three of them were having a moment.

7

22 October 1998

Had the shock of my life this afternoon. I came home from school and there, in my kitchen, sipping on a glass of ice water, was Donny. He was wearing overalls that were spattered with lilac paint.

He said he’d been going house-to-house offering to do a little decorating on the cheap and Mum had said that the front fence needed a going over. I asked him if he knew I lived here and, although he said no, I think he kind of did. A few days ago he said he needed to see me outside of school, but I knew, with Craig being like he is, that might be difficult for us, so now he’s here. It’s so romantic.

When Mum came back in from the garden, I went straight upstairs to do my homework because I was sure I wouldn’t be able to hide the connection that’s growing between us. It feels so strong, so intense, even though Mum’s not exactly the most switched on in terms of reading energies, I just know she’d sense it. But I watched him from my room. He painted the fence with meticulous strokes, took time over it, prepared his tools before moving to each section. He didn’t look up at my window, not once, even though he must have known I was there. Not until Craig came back from work, and when he glanced up at me watching down, Donny’s eyes followed and we looked at each other for a second before I ducked into the shadows of my room. I expected Craig to tell him to go home but, I don’t know how Donny did it, he must have told him a joke or something, which he never does with me, because Craig looked like he didn’t mind him. And when Craig saw how good a job Donny had done on the fence, he seemed happier than I’ve seen him for ages, which is still barely smiling, but still.

Since he moved in with me and my mum two years ago, Craig’s always warned me off boys, told me I’m too young, that they’re all out for the same thing. But Donny isn’t like that. Craig hasn’t got the capacity to understand the purity of what’s developing between him and me. But seeing the two of them together in the yard, Craig not telling him to ‘piss off’ instantly, gives me hope that one day, maybe, we can let our devotion to each other shine out in the open.

8

‘He OK?’ Erin peeps over the beautifully ornate wrap-scarf that’s tying her baby boy into Amanda’s chest.

‘He’s watching the world go by. Go walk over there.’ Amanda shoos Erin off with a schoolmistressy finger-point. Erin accepts her mock castigation with a smile and almost skips over a rock to walk closer to the shoreline. Amanda found Erin after Bobby’s nap and almost forced her to come out for a walk on the beach. It’s not that she didn’t want to go, but wearing Bobby in their structured sling for any longer than five minutes gives Erin the shooting hip pain she’s had ever since giving birth to the huge-headed little man. She also didn’t fancy spending an hour pretending she was chill while Bobby clambered and scratched at her trying to get out, which was his current mood when it came to being in any form of transport apart from her arms. So Amanda offered to take him. She went to the studio to grab a scarf she had and, like an illusionist doing some kind of disappearing act, wrapped Bobby onto her front and they set off.

Erin skips up onto a little clump of rocks and hops down onto the wet sand. She half jumps and walks backwards, sees the moment her footprints change direction as if two different people have walked towards each other and embraced.

‘Having fun?’ Amanda calls over to her from up near the cliff where she’s more sheltered from the wind.

‘I cannot tell you!’ Erin says as she turns round and walk-jogs towards Amanda, falling in step with her fast pace. ‘A walk, with another adult, not having, you know, that weight on me. This is better than sex!’ Amanda smiles but there’s a hint of an embarrassed blush that reminds Erin she probably doesn’t know Amanda quite well enough for that

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