Hot SEAL, April's Fool Becca Jameson (philippa perry book txt) 📖

He nodded. “I see.” His gaze roamed up and down her body for the millionth time as if he couldn’t quite believe she was in front of him.

She couldn’t believe it either. This was surreal and not entirely in a good way. She wanted to ask him why he’d left. Why he’d abandoned her without a word, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer, and she didn’t want to ruin the nice time they were having. She could ask him later in the week.

What she knew for certain was that no way in hell would she let this man steal her heart or take her to bed without answers.

“What about you? You don’t talk to any of the guys from the football team?”

“Nope. Like your friends, we don’t have anything in common. I’m the only one who went straight into the military. I can’t picture sitting down to chat with people who went to college and now work in an office all day. What would I say?” He cocked his head to one side, changing his voice to imitate a fake conversation. “Yeah, well, I killed four men who were holding a roomful of young kids hostage last week.”

April gasped.

Cole winced. “Sorry. That was way too blunt.”

“It’s okay. It’s just strange. I mean knowing what you do for the country.”

“Yeah. I won’t mention it again.”

“I don’t mind.” She stepped closer, reaching out to grasp his biceps as she tipped her head back. “If you need to talk about it, I’ll listen.”

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her lips gently. “I would never burden you with that shit. It’s unimaginable. You’d have nightmares.”

“And you don’t?”

“Nope. I’m hardened to it now. I do my job and then shut it off.”

She shuddered. “That must be hard. And lonely.”

“I have the guys on my team. We decompress with each other. It’s enough.”

She wrapped her arms around his middle and set her cheek on his chest. Yeah, his chest was much larger and harder than it had been a decade ago. It felt good. Wonderful. Scary. When she tipped her head back, she decided to broach a subject he might balk at again. “Tell me what happened with your dad, Cole,” she whispered.

He sighed and rubbed her arms before releasing her and walking away. He paced for a moment and then dropped down onto her sofa.

She decided to sit near him, not touching, but at least on the other end of the sofa. She sat sideways in the corner and curled her legs under her.

Cole leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “My dad was a dick, April.”

“When did that start?”

“When my mom died. When I was five.”

She flinched. How had she never known this? “You never said anything.”

He turned to face her and leaned one arm on the back of the couch. “I didn’t like to talk about it. I kept it to myself.”

“Yeah, but you kept it from me?” She was hurt. She’d thought they were closer than that.

He looked down at his lap. “I didn’t want anything about that side of me to touch what you and I had. I was embarrassed too. And frankly, when I wasn’t at home, the last thing I wanted to do was remind myself what it was like in my house.”

“We never went to your house. You always said it was because your younger brother was a pain in the ass.”

He smirked. “Jacob was definitely a pain in the ass, but that wasn’t the only reason. My dad married Amanda less than a year after my mom died. She might have already been pregnant with Jacob. Honestly, I never did the math. Who cares? Amanda wasn’t too happy about taking on a six-year-old, and she made that clear every day of my life. Jacob was the favorite in my house. He could do no wrong.”

“But even your dad felt that way?”

A sardonic laugh escaped Cole’s lips. “He was worse than her. He was verbally abusive, April. It was bad. That’s why I joined the Navy the moment I graduated. I didn’t want to listen to one more minute of his toxic bullshit. And I never looked back.”

Not even for me, she thought. “I’m so sorry. I wish you’d told me.”

He shrugged. “Maybe I should have. I don’t know. I didn’t like it tainting the only thing that was good in my world.”

“Is that why you were always such a joker? Were you hiding from your own sadness?”

“Yep. You should have been a therapist,” he teased.

“Hardly. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.”

“It was a way to escape. I needed laughter and smiles around me when I wasn’t at home. It worked. Oddly enough, I kept that persona in the military. For different reasons of course, but I still like to have laughter and smiles around me when I’m not on a mission. It helps bury the shitty world that exists out there.”

“Makes sense.” She felt incredibly sad for the little boy who lost his mom and spent twelve years in a crappy household. “That’s why it’s complicated dealing with your father’s business?”

“Yeah. I have some decisions to make. Part of me thinks it would be easier to just sign my half of the equity over to Jacob, leave town, and never look back.”

She gasped. “Wow. That’s big though. It’s not his money.”

“True, but the cost of recovering my half might not be worth the benefits.”

She nodded slowly. “And Amanda can’t help?”

He laughed again, the sound making her shudder. “That bitch hates me. She hated me the entire time I lived in the house, and she has proven since my dad died that she’d rather never see me again. She doesn’t believe I deserve a dime since I haven’t been the one here making the business successful.” He shrugged. “Maybe she’s right about that part, but for my entire life, Jacob got anything he wanted. I got nothing. I know I sound