Under Threat B.J. Daniels (best free novels txt) 📖

so numb. Not even after his undercover mission years ago. He had never in his entire career left a case feeling so completely screwed up inside.

He’d stayed with Natalie through the debriefing. They’d been with each other through their medical evaluations. And yet, they’d said almost nothing to each other. They’d offered no reassuring glances, no comforting touches. The last time he’d touched her in any sort of personal capacity had been to put his hand on hers in the car.

He’d made sure to stop in that moment, because he’d realized he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t possibly pretend that what they’d had in the cabin was real, and he couldn’t give her false hope that he could be anything other than the man that he was. His job would always come first, someone else’s safety would always come before his own.

How could he possibly tie another woman to him knowing where that ended?

It took days to get everything situated, questioned, figured out. When Natalie finally got to go home, or at least to her mother’s home, he hadn’t gone with her. She hadn’t asked him to, and he hadn’t offered. They had turned into strangers, and he felt like a part of him had simply...died.

It was so melodramatic he was concerned about his mental state, but he couldn’t eradicate that feeling. He felt a darkness worse than after the failure of his marriage, more than his most difficult undercover missions. He’d lost some piece of himself, and he didn’t know where to go to find it.

That’s a lie, you know exactly what’s missing.

He ruthlessly pushed that thought away as he talked to Agent Alessandro about the release of Natalie’s sister. They would be reunited today. There was no reason Vaughn should be there. At this point, the case been taken over by the FBI, he’d released all files potentially related to The Stallion over to Alessandro and he’d...been expected to move on.

So, he had no reason, no right to be there when Natalie saw her sister again. In fact, even if they hadn’t left things so oddly, it wouldn’t be his place to be there. She deserved a private homecoming with her sister.

“You know, if you’d like to be there, I can see if I can make arrangements.”

Vaughn ignored the tightness in his throat as he responded to Jaime. “I’m not sure that would be...what they wanted.”

“I can check, though, is what I’m offering.”

“You’d been under for a long time, hadn’t you?” Vaughn asked, changing the subject, turning it away from the numbness in his own chest.

The man on the other end of the line was silent for a while. “Yes, I had.”

Jaime had been in the academy right after Vaughn had left undercover work, before he’d gotten on with the Rangers, and before Jaime would have gotten on with the FBI. Vaughn had taught a class on undercover work.

He didn’t remember all the recruits, but he remembered the best ones. The ones with promise. Jaime had been one.

“Well, in all the tying up of loose ends, I don’t think I thanked you. You sure made getting out of that situation a lot easier.”

“I was just doing my job. You know how it goes.”

“Yeah, I do.” Too well. How often had he been doing his job and giving nothing else?

“I can ask if they want you to be there. Clearly...” Jaime trailed off, and Vaughn was glad for it. He wasn’t looking for a heart-to-heart.

“I’m glad the case has been resolved. If there’s anything else you need from me or the Rangers, you know where to—”

“You know, that class you taught back at the police academy...it stuck with me. In fact, there was something you said that I’d always repeat to myself, when I needed to remember what I was doing this all for.”

Something trickled through the numbness. Not a warmth exactly, some...sense of purpose. Some sense of accomplishment.

“You gave a big lecture about not losing your humanity, and being willing to bend your rigid moral obligations, without losing that human part of yourself. That was...by far the hardest part. Because I only had myself. At first.”

“At first?”

“I guess it changes you, or should. Shifts your priorities.”

“What does?”

Jaime was quiet again, a long humming stretch of seconds. “You know, finding...someone.” He cleared his throat. “I just assumed you and Ms. Torres...”

He let that linger there. You and Ms. Torres.

“Well, anyway, I’ve got plenty to do. But, if you want me to pave the way for you, I can try.”

“No. It’s not my place.”

“If you say so. I’ll be in touch.”

Vaughn hung up and scowled at the phone. Him and Natalie. Yeah, there’d been a thing, but it had been a thing born of fear and proximity. He’d known Jenny since he was fourteen. They’d dated for six years before they’d gotten married.

What disaster would he cause if he tried to build something on a few days of being in the same cabin? No matter what pieces of themselves they’d shared, it was based on a foundation that hadn’t just crumbled, but no longer existed.

I guess it changes you, or should. Shifts your priorities.

It had. Profoundly. Not Jenny or his love for her, but police work. It had altered him, and Jenny had never been satisfied with those changes.

He thought about that time, about how it had been easier, for both of them, to blame the job rather than admit there was a problem deep within themselves. How it had been far easier to blame some failing inside him than change it. Easier for her to blame his failings too.

He thought about those moments in the desert when he hadn’t cared about all the moral choices he’d made as a police officer. When he hadn’t cared about anything but Natalie’s safety.

He pushed away from his desk. This was insanity. He scrubbed his hands over his hair, ready to throw himself into another case, into anything that wouldn’t involve thinking about him. Or most especially her.

A knock sounded on his