The Song of the Lark Willa Cather (free ebooks romance novels .TXT) đ
- Author: Willa Cather
Book online «The Song of the Lark Willa Cather (free ebooks romance novels .TXT) đ». Author Willa Cather
Fred dived fiercely into his pockets as if he would rip them out and scatter their contents to the winds. Stopping before her, he took a deep breath and went on again, this time slowly. âAll that sort of thing is foreign to you. Youâd be nowhere at it. You havenât that kind of mind. The grammatical niceties of conduct are dark to you. Youâre simpleâ âand poetic.â Fredâs voice seemed to be wandering about in the thickening dusk. âYou wonât play much. You wonât, perhaps, love many times.â He paused. âAnd you did love me, you know. Your railroad friend would have understood me. I could have thrown you back. The reverse was thereâ âit stared me in the faceâ âbut I couldnât pull it. I let you drive ahead.â He threw out his hands. What Thea noticed, oddly enough, was the flash of the firelight on his cuff link. He turned again. âAnd youâll always drive ahead,â he muttered. âItâs your way.â
There was a long silence. Fred had dropped into a chair. He seemed, after such an explosion, not to have a word left in him. Thea put her hand to the back of her neck and pressed it, as if the muscles there were aching.
âWell,â she said at last, âI at least overlook more in you than I do in myself. I am always excusing you to myself. I donât do much else.â
âThen why, in Heavenâs name, wonât you let me be your friend? You make a scoundrel of me, borrowing money from another man to get out of my clutches.â
âIf I borrow from him, itâs to study. Anything I took from you would be different. As I said before, youâd be keeping me.â
âKeeping! I like your language. Itâs pure Moonstone, Theaâ âlike your point of view. I wonder how long youâll be a Methodist.â He turned away bitterly.
âWell, Iâve never said I wasnât Moonstone, have I? I am, and thatâs why I want Dr. Archie. I canât see anything so funny about Moonstone, you know.â She pushed her chair back a little from the hearth and clasped her hands over her knee, still looking thoughtfully into the red coals. âWe always come back to the same thing, Fred. The name, as you call it, makes a difference to me how I feel about myself. You would have acted very differently with a girl of your own kind, and thatâs why I canât take anything from you now. Youâve made everything impossible. Being married is one thing and not being married is the other thing, and thatâs all there is to it. I canât see how you reasoned with yourself, if you took the trouble to reason. You say I was too much alone, and yet what you did was to cut me off more than I ever had been. Now Iâm going to try to make good to my friends out there. Thatâs all there is left for me.â
âMake good to your friends!â Fred burst out. âWhat one of them cares as I care, or believes as I believe? Iâve told you Iâll never ask a gracious word from you until I can ask it with all the churches in Christendom at my back.â
Thea looked up, and when she saw Fredâs face, she thought sadly that he, too, looked as if things were spoiled for him. âIf you know me as well as you say you do, Fred,â she said slowly, âthen you are not being honest with yourself. You know that I canât do things halfway. If you kept me at allâ âyouâd keep me.â She dropped her head wearily on her hand and sat with her forehead resting on her fingers.
Fred leaned over her and said just above his breath, âThen, when I get that divorce, youâll take it up with me again? Youâll at least let me know, warn me, before there is a serious question of anybody else?â
Without lifting her head, Thea answered him. âOh, I donât think there will ever be a question of anybody else. Not if I can help it. I suppose Iâve given you every reason to think there will beâ âat once, on shipboard, any time.â
Ottenburg drew himself up like a shot. âStop it, Thea!â he said sharply. âThatâs one thing youâve never done. Thatâs like any common woman.â He saw her shoulders lift a little and grow calm. Then he went to the other side of the room and took up his hat and gloves from the sofa. He came back cheerfully. âI didnât drop in to bully you this afternoon. I came to coax you to go out for tea with me somewhere.â He waited, but she did not look up or lift her head, still sunk on her hand.
Her handkerchief had fallen. Fred picked it up and put it on her knee, pressing her fingers over it. âGood night, dear and wonderful,â he whisperedâ ââwonderful and dear! How can you ever get away from me when I will always follow you, through every wall, through every door, wherever you go.â He looked down at her bent head, and the curve of her neck that was so sad. He stooped, and with his lips just touched her hair where the firelight made it ruddiest. âI didnât know I had it in me, Thea. I thought it was all a fairy tale. I donât know myself any
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