Gilded Cage: A Russian Mafia Romance (Kovalyov Bratva Book 1) Nicole Fox (people reading books TXT) 📖

exclaim. “Why fight for something that’s just going to bring down a war on our heads? If you leave the Bratva behind, we can disappear. Yes, your uncle might continue to search for us, but after a few years, he’ll forget. And you and me… we can be happy. Our baby can be happy.”

I’m searching his eyes as I talk, looking for that fire, that spark that I know can lead us into the future I’m desperate for.

I keep telling myself that it’s coming. Any second, I’ll see it.

Agreement. Acceptance. Hope.

Something.

“I want our baby to be safe, Artem,” I tell him, my hand falling over his chest. “I want our baby to grow up happy and secure. I want him or her to have a normal life. I don’t want this child to suffer like I did, or to live up to some kind of expectation of what he should be like you did. Like Cesar did.”

He breathes, slowly and evenly. Doesn’t look away from me. But says nothing.

“My brother changed everything about who he was to fit into the role my father pushed him into. And it broke him. He wore his pain well, but I could see past the veneer. Past the mask.”

Artem watches me silently. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I wait patiently, but then I start to get nervous. He’s driving me insane.

Say something, I beg silently. Say anything.

“Artem?”

He closes his eyes for a moment, but even when he opens them again, I can’t read what’s behind them.

“I’m not saying that I haven’t thought about it,” he admits.

“Yeah?”

Against my better instinct, hope blossoms in my chest.

He nods. “Esme… it’s a beautiful idea, but reality is oftentimes extremely different.”

“I know it’s not going to be easy, Artem,” I agree quickly. “It’s probably going to take years of adjustment. But I think we can do it. We’ll be together. That’s the whole point—it’s gonna be you and me. And our baby. We can do it together.”

“What would I even do, Esme?” he asks. “I’m not cut out for a quiet life. I was trained to fight, to kill, to strategize and plan. I was trained to lead.”

“And you’ll continue to lead,” I tell him, even though I have no idea what that will look like in the normal world. “It’ll just be in a different way. You’ll lead our family.”

The doubt in his face is obvious. I’m running through images in my head.

Artem as a teacher.

As a doctor.

As a construction worker.

Each one is as laughable as the next.

That blossom of hope in my chest starts to wilt. The honest truth is that I can’t see him in any of those roles.

I can’t picture him doing anything other than leading the Bratva.

But I refuse to let that completely derail the future I’ve envisioned for our family.

“It’s hard now, I know,” I tell him. I’m trying so hard to keep the edge of desperation out of my voice. “But that’s just because we’ve never entertained the possibility of a normal life before now. You yourself said that you didn’t think you’d enjoy the peace and quiet of the mountains as much as you have. Right?”

“Right,” I nods. “But that’s also because I know this stint up here is temporary.”

“Artem,” I say, putting my hand against his cheek, “I don’t want to have to worry about my child every second of every day. I want more for this baby than my childhood. More than yours.”

“I have responsibilities, Esme,” he says. “I can’t just disappear. I have men that follow me. Cillian has given up everything for me. I can’t abandon all of them.”

“I’m not asking you to,” I say quickly. “But give them new marching orders. Tell them to… to…”

“To what, Esme?” he asks. “They’re not exactly the kind of men who can find a job in construction and be happy with that.”

I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but I push them back and sit up, pulling the sheets around my chest.

“Esme,” Artem murmurs, his hand on my back.

“I’m fine,” I say, but I can’t stop my voice from shaking just a little.

I get out of bed as fast as I can and head to the bathroom where I attempt to pull myself together.

It was foolish of me to think that Artem would be as happy as I am to give up the old life, but the disappointment still chokes me with tears.

I cry silently in the bathroom for a few minutes. For a future that slipped through my fingers before I ever had a chance to seize it.

Then I splash cold water on my face and get dressed.

When I come back outside, Artem is waiting for me in the kitchen.

I give him a small smile and move to the cabinets. “What would you like for breakfast?” I ask, trying to gloss over our earlier conversation.

He comes up from behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. I feel his lips against the back of my head and I sigh and lean back into him.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“Don’t be,” I say, shaking my head. “It was probably naïve of me to think that—”

“It’s possible, Esme,” he says, cutting me off.

“What?” I ask, going still.

“I can’t make any promises,” he says softly, in my ear. “And if we do it, it might take some time…”

I turn in his arms so I can see his face. “I know.”

“But it’s a possibility that I’m willing to think about,” he finishes.

I can’t stop the joy from showing on my face.

I see the smile in his eyes as he looks down at me. “Just you and me, right?” he asks.

“Just you and me,” I agree. “And our baby. Our little family.” I pull his hands from around my waist and place them on my belly. “This is what we’d be doing it for.”

I see the conflict rage in his eyes for a moment, but it settles when he looks down at my stomach.

“Our baby,” he echoes softly. He’s talking