Trapped (Bullied Book 4) (Bullied Series) Vera Hollins (best large ereader txt) 📖

rest of the lunch, Masen’s smile didn’t vanish, his crude jokes, laughter, and charm filling the conversation, and it was like nothing had happened.

I massaged my temples, thoroughly confused by Mel and Masen. Things were definitely going to be challenging between them, maybe even more than they were now, and I didn’t have the faintest idea how it would all work out.

“You’ve come a long way, Jessica,” Susan told me, placing her clipboard on the upholstered arm of her chair. “I’m impressed by your will to improve despite the setbacks along the way.”

I looked at my chipped pink nail polish. “I still feel like I have a long way to go. I feel like I could fail if I don’t try hard enough.”

“It’s okay to be afraid. Just don’t stop. I’m amazed that you’re this determined after what you went through a week ago. That can take a toll on a person.”

It’s okay to be afraid. Just don’t stop. It was strange how the way Blake pushed through his life with PTSD could be inspiring for someone as easily disheartened as me. I had him to look up to whenever I thought about quitting because even in his darkest moments, he had the strength to stand up and keep walking. So I was going to keep walking and make something out of myself.

“Yes, it took a toll on me, but it also helped me realize, in a way, that I have so much to be happy about. I have my family, my friends, my boyfriend.” I smiled, and a faint blush painted my cheeks. “I have my music and hobbies. I’m healthy and alive. I have so many reasons to be happy. I took everything for granted, but now I see how lucky I am to have all of this.”

“You’re absolutely right. You have so many reasons to be happy. How about your body? Do you feel happy?”

I inhaled deeply as I glanced at her golden pencil that now lay still on top of her clipboard. “It would be a lie if I said I don’t want to change anything about myself.”

I looked at my stomach. I was wearing a tight-fitting shirt that didn’t hide my fat rolls, and I imagined a waist without them. Unlike before, that image didn’t bring me painful longing whenever I thought about it. I wanted a thinner waist, but I wasn’t beating myself up about it or blaming my body for not being the way I wanted it to be. I was good enough like this.

“I’m learning not to compare myself to others and to set realistic expectations for myself. The build of my body clearly doesn’t allow me to have a thigh gap or smaller hips, and I’m just learning to accept it and move on. We can’t have everything in life, and that’s okay.” I glanced at my lush breasts that were even more prominent now that I was wearing a push-up bra, and I thought about Sarah. “My friend once told me she wished for bigger breasts like mine, which is ironic since I wish for a slim body like hers. We always want something we can’t have, right? And it seems like it’s really hard to be satisfied with what we already have.

“It’s like shopping. You buy one thing, and it’s not enough. You always want something new, something more expensive, something prettier. I always wanted a better and prettier body, but now I just want to slow down and appreciate myself for who I am. I want to stop considering my physical flaws something to be ashamed of.

“Actually, I don’t want to consider them flaws at all. Why are they flaws? Why is my cellulite or body fat a flaw? Unless my weight deteriorates my health, why should I be against my thicker thighs or thick waist? Why should society be against my thicker thighs or thick waist? And I don’t want to punish myself with throwing up or guilt-tripping. I don’t want to punish myself for the way I am. One day, maybe, I’ll reach my desired weight. Maybe I’ll never get to that, but no matter what, I want to be free of regret and self-dissatisfaction. And I’m working on it. One step at a time.”

She watched me with approval written all over her face, her soft smile growing bigger.

“You’ve really come a long way,” she repeated. “I’m amazed at the difference between before and now, and I’m certain one day you’ll get there. Just focus on yourself and don’t let outside voices conquer you. You’re your own biggest strength and support.”

That ended our session, and I exited her office feeling more positive than before. The week had been chaotic, but life went on, and time would heal the wounds.

Blake, who’d had his session at the same time as me, was already waiting for me in the waiting room. His lips turned up into a radiant smile when he saw me, which made his gorgeous face even more beautiful, if that was possible. I noticed with a flutter in my chest that he smiled and laughed more often now.

These days hadn’t been easy for him either, because that Sunday had exposed him to an insane amount of stress, which had led to new nightmares and flashbacks. But according to him, it hadn’t been as bad as it could’ve been. He was on antidepressants that did their job well, which, combined with the time we spent together, amounted to him being in a much calmer state than usual.

“Finished?” He stood up and left a kiss on my forehead.

“Yep. Let’s go.”

We walked hand in hand outside and got in my car, the sunset creating a cozy picture in the distance.

“So, the sunflower field?” I asked.

“The sunflower field.” He leaned in and captured my lips. The kiss was languid, until he deepened it and stole my breath. Always hungry for his kisses, I cupped his face and pressed myself closer to him. We separated moments