Bleak House Charles Dickens (classic books to read .TXT) š
- Author: Charles Dickens
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We were in a solitary place, and he put his hands before his eyes and sobbed as he said the words.
āOh, Richard!ā said I. āDo not be so moved. You have a noble nature, and Adaās love may make you worthier every day.ā
āI know, my dear,ā he replied, pressing my arm, āI know all that. You mustnāt mind my being a little soft now, for I have had all this upon my mind for a long time, and have often meant to speak to you, and have sometimes wanted opportunity and sometimes courage. I know what the thought of Ada ought to do for me, but it doesnāt do it. I am too unsettled even for that. I love her most devotedly, and yet I do her wrong, in doing myself wrong, every day and hour. But it canāt last for ever. We shall come on for a final hearing and get judgment in our favour, and then you and Ada shall see what I can really be!ā
It had given me a pang to hear him sob and see the tears start out between his fingers, but that was infinitely less affecting to me than the hopeful animation with which he said these words.
āI have looked well into the papers, Esther. I have been deep in them for months,ā he continued, recovering his cheerfulness in a moment, āand you may rely upon it that we shall come out triumphant. As to years of delay, there has been no want of them, heaven knows! And there is the greater probability of our bringing the matter to a speedy close; in fact, itās on the paper now. It will be all right at last, and then you shall see!ā
Recalling how he had just now placed Messrs. Kenge and Carboy in the same category with Mr. Badger, I asked him when he intended to be articled in Lincolnās Inn.
āThere again! I think not at all, Esther,ā he returned with an effort. āI fancy I have had enough of it. Having worked at Jarndyce and Jarndyce like a galley slave, I have slaked my thirst for the law and satisfied myself that I shouldnāt like it. Besides, I find it unsettles me more and more to be so constantly upon the scene of action. So what,ā continued Richard, confident again by this time, ādo I naturally turn my thoughts to?ā
āI canāt imagine,ā said I.
āDonāt look so serious,ā returned Richard, ābecause itās the best thing I can do, my dear Esther, I am certain. Itās not as if I wanted a profession for life. These proceedings will come to a termination, and then I am provided for. No. I look upon it as a pursuit which is in its nature more or less unsettled, and therefore suited to my temporary conditionā āI may say, precisely suited. What is it that I naturally turn my thoughts to?ā
I looked at him and shook my head.
āWhat,ā said Richard, in a tone of perfect conviction, ābut the army!ā
āThe army?ā said I.
āThe army, of course. What I have to do is to get a commission; andā āthere I am, you know!ā said Richard.
And then he showed me, proved by elaborate calculations in his pocketbook, that supposing he had contracted, say, two hundred pounds of debt in six months out of the army; and that he contracted no debt at all within a corresponding period in the armyā āas to which he had quite made up his mind; this step must involve a saving of four hundred pounds in a year, or two thousand pounds in five years, which was a considerable sum. And then he spoke so ingenuously and sincerely of the sacrifice he made in withdrawing himself for a time from Ada, and of the earnestness with which he aspiredā āas in thought he always did, I know full wellā āto repay her love, and to ensure her happiness, and to conquer what was amiss in himself, and to acquire the very soul of decision, that he made my heart ache keenly, sorely. For, I thought, how would this end, how could this end, when so soon and so surely all his manly qualities were touched by the fatal blight that ruined everything it rested on!
I spoke to Richard with all the earnestness I felt, and all the hope I could not quite feel then, and implored him for Adaās sake not to put any trust in Chancery. To all I said, Richard readily assented, riding over the court and everything else in his easy way and drawing the brightest pictures of the character he was to settle intoā āalas, when the grievous suit should loose its hold upon him! We had a long talk, but it always came back to that, in substance.
At last we came to Soho Square, where Caddy Jellyby had appointed to wait for me, as a quiet place in the neighbourhood of Newman Street. Caddy was in the garden in the centre and hurried out as soon as I appeared. After a few cheerful words, Richard left us together.
āPrince has a pupil over the way, Esther,ā said Caddy, āand got the key for us. So if you will walk round and round here with me, we can lock ourselves in and I can tell you comfortably what I wanted to see your dear good face about.ā
āVery
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