Just North of Whoville Turiskylie, Joyce (smart books to read .TXT) 📖

that sells. Why do you want to hide your most marketable features? Just be yourself.”

Timmy just stood there. An elf in the headlights.

“Oh. My. God,” he finally spoke, in three completely separate words. “I have taken soooo many modeling classes and yet, just talking to you for a few minutes has changed my life. I’m putting myself completely in your hands.”

“Deb’s your agent. I’m just the temp.”

“You should be an agent. Will you help me? Please? Pretty please?”

In some strange way, I guess I understood little Timmy. Nice kid. Sweet. Trusting. And I did believe in giving back.

“Oh god,” I still sighed though. “Well…okay.”

He flung his skinny elf arms around me and gave me a hug. “Dorrie! I adore you! Ohmygod. That should be a song.”

And then, he began to sing his made-up tune.

“Dorrie, I adore you…”

Oh no. That had to stop.

“Okay, rule number one---no singing.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just all a-tinkle!”

“I think the word is ‘tingle’.”

“Oh,” he said as he crossed his legs. “Now I have to use the little boys room. I drank eight glasses of water today.”

“Down the hall and make a left.”

Just as he was going towards the door, it opened and Jamie and Deb pushed their way thru with bags and boxes marked with the words “X-MAS” in thick black ink.

“Well hello, my little buttercup!” Deb put on her fake smile for Timmy. But he was practically holding his pants as they did the kiss-kiss hug-hug.

“I’m so excited! I can’t talk right now. I’ll be back,” he sped off and ran down the hall and to the left.

“Why are the ugly ones so fucking eager?” Deb groaned as she dropped her boxes to the floor and pulled up her bra strap.

“He’s not ugly,” I said quietly from my high horse. “He’s got character. I really think he could get work as a character model, you know?”

“That’s a good idea, Dorrie,” Jamie said encouragingly. But I could tell that Deb was none-too-pleased with the temp having a good idea.

“I was thinking about that just this afternoon,” Deb added. “Maybe we could sell a class on character work?”

“Oooo---let’s talk,” Jamie said as dollar signs rolled back in her eyeballs. “Here, Dorrie,” she added as she tossed a wad of garland and Christmas lights on my desk. “Untangle these lights and let’s get started. I need this place turned into a Winter Wonderland by tomorrow. A little Christmas is good for business.”

“Here you go,” Deb added with a bit of snark as she plopped a CD player next to my desk. “I brought some Christmas music. This will get you in the mood.”

She even turned it on. Bitch. And there I was. In a Winter Wonderland.

To be fair, I’d been warned about “ABC Their Eyes All Aglow”, the annual holiday promotion. “It’s a huge money-maker for us,” Jamie explained a month ago as she handed me the previous year’s brochure:

“The holiday season is a special time of year. Not only a time to spend with loved ones, but also the biggest shopping season. More advertising is done during the holiday season than at any other time of year. The demand for quality child models is so great that our phones are often ringing off the hook! Why not improve your possibilities by showing casting directors, malls, and department stores PROOF that your child has what it takes?

Our Children’s Division knows exactly what they’re looking for----and we can give you the photos they want to see! No more second guessing how your child looks all bundled up in this season’s winter wear! No more wondering if your child will be able to play with the latest toy AND make it look fun! No more doubting that your child can get covered in sticky candy and STILL look adorable!

ABC You Shine will supply you with the best quality photos showing your child in a variety of standard holiday poses guaranteed to ensure marketability, personality and charm.

Photos will be printed onto a special holiday comp card proven to get the attention of casting agents, art directors and anyone else looking for that special child this holiday season.

As an added bonus, special holiday envelopes will be provided so you can share your child’s modeling talents with friends and family this holiday season.

Don’t delay! ABC Their Eyes All Aglow Photo Shoot will fill up soon!”

The day they handed me the brochure, I asked Deb what the lesson titled “Gift Opening” entailed.

“Well, basically we teach kids the three different ways to open a present. Rip the wrapping off, peel the tape off slowly, or if it’s in a wrapped box, you just open the lid. Kids aren’t too smart. Sometimes they block their face with the lid. It’s a whole thing we do.”

To be honest, by the time parents booked the session, did the shoot, got the photos back, chose the photos, and the comp cards came back from the printer… The holiday season was over. They could certainly use the comp cards as last-minute Christmas cards to send to family and friends. But the holiday ads were already in the can. Not that we got any calls, anyway.

Oh god. I had to get out of this job.

As a child, I loved Christmas. I couldn’t wait to decorate the tree, bake Christmas cookies, sing Christmas carols, and, of course, make my annual visit to Santa at Kendall’s Department Store.

I never questioned why Santa chose to spend the holiday season every year in Milwaukee. I completely believed the signs at Kendall’s justifying Santa’s lunchtime absence with the explanation that he was “Feeding the Reindeer.” So much so that one year, while my mother was busy looking at the latest holiday sweaters, I squeezed myself between the clothes racks and snuck away.