The Ambassadors Henry James (novel24 txt) đ
- Author: Henry James
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Chad had meanwhile thought of another still. âAnd donât you really careâ â?â
His friend slowly turned round to him. âWill you go?â
âIâll go if youâll say you now consider I should. You know,â he went on, âI was ready six weeks ago.â
âAh,â said Strether, âthat was when you didnât know I wasnât! Youâre ready at present because you do know it.â
âThat may be,â Chad returned; âbut all the same Iâm sincere. You talk about taking the whole thing on your shoulders, but in what light do you regard me that you think me capable of letting you pay?â Strether patted his arm, as they stood together against the parapet, reassuringlyâ âseeming to wish to contend that he had the wherewithal; but it was again round this question of purchase and price that the young manâs sense of fairness continued to hover. âWhat it literally comes to for you, if youâll pardon my putting it so, is that you give up money. Possibly a good deal of money.â
âOh,â Strether laughed, âif it were only just enough youâd still be justified in putting it so! But Iâve on my side to remind you too that you give up money; and more than âpossiblyââ âquite certainly, as I should supposeâ âa good deal.â
âTrue enough; but Iâve got a certain quantity,â Chad returned after a moment. âWhereas you, my dear man, youâ ââ
âI canât be at all saidââ âStrether took him upâ ââto have a âquantityâ certain or uncertain? Very true. Still, I shanât starve.â
âOh you mustnât starve!â Chad pacifically emphasised; and so, in the pleasant conditions, they continued to talk; though there was, for that matter, a pause in which the younger companion might have been taken as weighing again the delicacy of his then and there promising the elder some provision against the possibility just mentioned. This, however, he presumably thought best not to do, for at the end of another minute they had moved in quite a different direction. Strether had broken in by returning to the subject of Chadâs passage with Sarah and enquiring if they had arrived, in the event, at anything in the nature of a âscene.â To this Chad replied that they had on the contrary kept tremendously polite; adding moreover that Sally was after all not the woman to have made the mistake of not being. âHer hands are a good deal tied, you see. I got so, from the first,â he sagaciously observed, âthe start of her.â
âYou mean she has taken so much from you?â
âWell, I couldnât of course in common decency give less: only she hadnât expected, I think, that Iâd give her nearly so much. And she began to take it before she knew it.â
âAnd she began to like it,â said Strether, âas soon as she began to take it!â
âYes, she has liked itâ âalso more than she expected.â After which Chad observed: âBut she doesnât like me. In fact she hates me.â
Stretherâs interest grew. âThen why does she want you at home?â
âBecause when you hate you want to triumph, and if she should get me neatly stuck there she would triumph.â
Strether followed afresh, but looking as he went. âCertainlyâ âin a manner. But it would scarce be a triumph worth having if, once entangled, feeling her dislike and possibly conscious in time of a certain quantity of your own, you should on the spot make yourself unpleasant to her.â
âAh,â said Chad, âshe can bear meâ âcould bear me at least at home. Itâs my being there that would be her triumph. She hates me in Paris.â
âShe hates in other wordsâ ââ
âYes, thatâs it!ââ âChad had quickly understood this understanding; which formed on the part of each as near an approach as they had yet made to naming Madame de Vionnet. The limitations of their distinctness didnât, however, prevent its fairly lingering in the air that it was this lady Mrs. Pocock hated. It added one more touch moreover to their established recognition of the rare intimacy of Chadâs association with her. He had never yet more twitched away the last light veil from this phenomenon than in presenting himself as confounded and submerged in the feeling she had created at Woollett. âAnd Iâll tell you who hates me too,â he immediately went on.
Strether knew as immediately whom he meant, but with as prompt a protest. âAh no! Mamie doesnât hateâ âwell,â he caught himself in timeâ ââanybody at all. Mamieâs beautiful.â
Chad shook his head. âThatâs just why I mind it. She certainly doesnât like me.â
âHow much do you mind it? What would you do for her?â
âWell, Iâd like her if sheâd like me. Really, really,â Chad declared.
It gave his companion a momentâs pause. âYou asked me just now if I donât, as you said, âcareâ about a certain person. You rather tempt me therefore to put the question in my turn. Donât you care about a certain other person?â
Chad looked at him hard in the lamplight of the window. âThe difference is that I donât want to.â
Strether wondered. âââDonât wantâ to?â
âI try not toâ âthat is I have tried. Iâve done my best. You canât be surprised,â the young man easily went on, âwhen you yourself set me on it. I was indeed,â he added, âalready on it a little; but you set me harder. It was six weeks ago that I thought I had come out.â
Strether took it well in. âBut you havenât come out!â
âI donât knowâ âitâs what I want to know,â said Chad. âAnd if I could have sufficiently wantedâ âby myselfâ âto go back, I think I might have found out.â
âPossiblyââ âStrether considered. âBut all you were able to achieve was to want to want to! And even then,â he pursued, âonly till our friends there came. Do you want to
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