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using science to inseminate me and not have the father around would cause her to drop dead on the spot.

I grabbed my phone, dialed Kelly’s number, and waited for her to pick up. My hands were literally shaking as the phone rang.

“Hello?” Kelly said, sounding like she had just woken up.

“Girl, girl, girl. Are you—”

“Slow down, it’s early here.”

“It’s not that early,” I said, glancing at the clock.

“It is when you have two kids.”

“Well, I’ve got some news that might wake you up anyway,” I said. “You know how you gave me Burke’s number to thank him?”

“Believe me, Liam got a lot out for me for that. How could I forget.”

There was a hint of sarcastic “what a shame” in her voice, as if she didn’t mind the “punishment” that had come. I didn’t want to know, but it briefly made me think of what had happened in the last hour—what could have happened in the last hour.

Then again, I had been the one to try and push her boundaries at the pool on her visit, so I suppose I deserved some of the grief back.

“Well, you’ll never believe what I hired him to do. Can you keep a secret if I tell you?”

“Do I…please will you just tell me?”

I laughed. I had a feeling Kelly already knew, for I hadn’t exactly stayed quiet about my desire to have a child. I think she just didn’t want to jump that far ahead. If the reverse had happened, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to jump to that conclusion right off the bat.

“Well, technically, we haven’t signed a contract yet, but it is…well, kind of personal? I—”

“You hired him to father you a child, didn’t you?”

Guess we’re getting right to the main point of it all!

I laughed at how absurd it sounded to hear Kelly say it. But then, a different emotion came to mind.

Surprise at Kelly’s disappointment?

It was the kind of tone we’d taken with each other when we’d gone back to crappy relationships or stayed in one in our youth. A tone of honest disappointment, one we could take with each other. But that was when she hadn’t gotten out of her marriage and I hadn’t yet shed Sean; why would she have this sound about Burke?

“Yeah, I did,” I said, sounding like a kid confessing in church.

“Well, I know you a kid, but erm…do you really want it to be Burke as the daddy?”

I was confused. I thought this would have been good news for her. Was there something about Burke that I had somehow overlooked? Was there something about me that I’d failed to account for that would make this disastrous?

“Yes?”

Kelly sighed.

“One, this is weird because I’m connected to Burke through Liam, so it’s like I’m going to be an aunt or something.”

I kind of thought that was a good thing? I didn’t want to get stupid corny, but that seemed like a delight to be had. The two of us following parallel tracks in our parenting lives. The only real difference being that she had a husband and I did not.

“Two, you know these guys’ lifestyles. Liam has settled down and moved here, but he’s prone to just leaving without warning. It’s his line of work. I accept it, but it’s stressful as hell when your man just gets up in the middle of the night without warning. I joke that I’d never know if he was dead, but there’s some morbid reality to that truth, Emily. And from what I know of Burke, he’s even colder than Liam is. Are you sure that this is really that smart?”

Are you sure…?

Those words, more than anything else, stung. They stung at the assumption that I had made a coherent, intelligent, and logical decision. And they stung in that there was an element of truth to it.

“I mean, it’s not like I would call this situation ideal,” I said. “I understand the best thing to do is to take my time with a great man with a stable, safe job and have a kid with him. But this is a reversal in how I feel; you know that. It sucks it took so long to realize it, but…”

“Look, I support you no matter what you do, I was just taken off guard.”

Kelly might have said it as a throwaway, but it was anything but to me. Those were words I desperately needed to hear from her, if only for the reassurance.

“And I’m definitely excited at the prospect of another one of my friends getting the joys of being a mother. I know I joke about a lack of sleep, but it really is wonderful. I just want to make sure that you think this through, Em. Because I promise you that however much joy you think there’ll be, there’s an equal, if not greater, amount of stress.”

“I know, I know.”

I didn’t. Not really. Seeing Charlotte almost get abducted was painful for me. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must have felt like for Kelly. If I was committing to this, to being a mother at least, that might be the kind of stress I’d have to encounter or at least imagine.

“My opinion is moot at the end of the day,” Kelly said. “I just, as your friend, want to make sure that you are making the sound, smart choice with your future as you charge ahead.”

“I think I am,” I said, words that didn’t exactly inspire confidence.

If Kelly thought something was off and worth examining, then it was worth examining. Maybe I needed to approach this from another angle. Maybe instead of IVF, I needed…

Hmm. Maybe I needed to do it the old-fashioned way and take my chances.

“I am,” I repeated, this time with less hedging. “And

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