Pygmalion George Bernard Shaw (the mitten read aloud .txt) đ
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- Author: George Bernard Shaw
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conscious of being thoroughly up to date, and is heard descending the stairs in a stream of silvery laughter.
Freddy
To the heavens at large. Well, I ask you He gives it up, and comes to Mrs. Higgins. Goodbye.
Mrs. Higgins
Shaking hands. Goodbye. Would you like to meet Miss Doolittle again?
Freddy
Eagerly. Yes, I should, most awfully.
Mrs. Higgins
Well, you know my days.
Freddy
Yes. Thanks awfully. Goodbye. He goes out.
Mrs. Eynsford Hill
Goodbye, Mr. Higgins.
Higgins
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Mrs. Eynsford Hill
To Pickering. Itâs no use. I shall never be able to bring myself to use that word.
Pickering
Donât. Itâs not compulsory, you know. Youâll get on quite well without it.
Mrs. Eynsford Hill
Only, Clara is so down on me if I am not positively reeking with the latest slang. Goodbye.
Pickering
Goodbye. They shake hands.
Mrs. Eynsford Hill
To Mrs. Higgins. You mustnât mind Clara. Pickering, catching from her lowered tone that this is not meant for him to hear, discreetly joins Higgins at the window. Weâre so poor! and she gets so few parties, poor child! She doesnât quite know. Mrs. Higgins, seeing that her eyes are moist, takes her hand sympathetically and goes with her to the door. But the boy is nice. Donât you think so?
Mrs. Higgins
Oh, quite nice. I shall always be delighted to see him.
Mrs. Eynsford Hill
Thank you, dear. Goodbye. She goes out.
Higgins
Eagerly. Well? Is Eliza presentable? He swoops on his mother and drags her to the ottoman, where she sits down in Elizaâs place with her son on her left.
Pickering returns to his chair on her right.
Mrs. Higgins
You silly boy, of course sheâs not presentable. Sheâs a triumph of your art and of her dressmakerâs; but if you suppose for a moment that she doesnât give herself away in every sentence she utters, you must be perfectly cracked about her.
Pickering
But donât you think something might be done? I mean something to eliminate the sanguinary element from her conversation.
Mrs. Higgins
Not as long as she is in Henryâs hands.
Higgins
Aggrieved. Do you mean that my language is improper?
Mrs. Higgins
No, dearest: it would be quite properâ âsay on a canal barge; but it would not be proper for her at a garden party.
Higgins
Deeply injured. Well I must sayâ â
Pickering
Interrupting him. Come, Higgins: you must learn to know yourself. I havenât heard such language as yours since we used to review the volunteers in Hyde Park twenty years ago.
Higgins
Sulkily. Oh, well, if you say so, I suppose I donât always talk like a bishop.
Mrs. Higgins
Quieting Henry with a touch. Colonel Pickering: will you tell me what is the exact state of things in Wimpole Street?
Pickering
Cheerfully: as if this completely changed the subject. Well, I have come to live there with Henry. We work together at my Indian Dialects; and we think it more convenientâ â
Mrs. Higgins
Quite so. I know all about that: itâs an excellent arrangement. But where does this girl live?
Higgins
With us, of course. Where would she live?
Mrs. Higgins
But on what terms? Is she a servant? If not, what is she?
Pickering
Slowly. I think I know what you mean, Mrs. Higgins.
Higgins
Well, dash me if I do! Iâve had to work at the girl every day for months to get her to her present pitch. Besides, sheâs useful. She knows where my things are, and remembers my appointments and so forth.
Mrs. Higgins
How does your housekeeper get on with her?
Higgins
Mrs. Pearce? Oh, sheâs jolly glad to get so much taken off her hands; for before Eliza came, she had to have to find things and remind me of my appointments. But sheâs got some silly bee in her bonnet about Eliza. She keeps saying âYou donât think, sirâ: doesnât she, Pick?
Pickering
Yes: thatâs the formula. âYou donât think, sir.â Thatâs the end of every conversation about Eliza.
Higgins
As if I ever stop thinking about the girl and her confounded vowels and consonants. Iâm worn out, thinking about her, and watching her lips and her teeth and her tongue, not to mention her soul, which is the quaintest of the lot.
Mrs. Higgins
You certainly are a pretty pair of babies, playing with your live doll.
Higgins
Playing! The hardest job I ever tackled: make no mistake about that, mother. But you have no idea how frightfully interesting it is to take a human being and change her into a quite different human being by creating a new speech for her. Itâs filling up the deepest gulf that separates class from class and soul from soul.
Pickering
Drawing his chair closer to Mrs. Higgins and bending over to her eagerly. Yes: itâs enormously interesting. I assure you, Mrs. Higgins, we take Eliza very seriously. Every weekâ âevery day almostâ âthere is some new change. Closer again. We keep records of every stageâ âdozens of gramophone disks and photographsâ â
Higgins
Assailing her at the other ear. Yes, by George: itâs the most absorbing experiment I ever tackled. She regularly fills our lives up; doesnât she, Pick?
Pickering
Weâre always talking Eliza.
Higgins
Teaching Eliza.
Pickering
Dressing Eliza.
Mrs. Higgins
What!
Higgins
Inventing new Elizas.
Higgins and Pickering, speaking together:
Higgins
You know, she has the most extraordinary quickness of ear:
Pickering
I assure you, my dear Mrs. Higgins, that girl
Higgins
just like a parrot. Iâve tried her with every
Pickering
is a genius. She can play the piano quite beautifully
Higgins
possible sort of sound that a human being can makeâ â
Pickering
We have taken her to classical concerts and to music
Higgins
Continental dialects, African dialects, Hottentot
Pickering
halls; and itâs all the same to her: she plays everything
Higgins
clicks, things it took me years to get hold of; and
Pickering
she hears right off when she comes home, whether itâs
Higgins
she picks them up like a shot, right away, as if she had
Pickering
Beethoven and Brahms or Lehar and Lionel Morickton;
Higgins
been at it all her life.
Pickering
though six months ago, sheâd never as much
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