Scarlett's Will Nicole Jardine (best feel good books .txt) 📖

girls weren’t allowed into each other's bedrooms, it could mean a possible eviction so we had to meet in the common area. I would just ignore Calvin's stares when he was around. Carl seemed to notice Calvin’s interest in me. I think he sensed the fear I felt towards him.

Whenever Calvin would come by, Carl would glare at him, subtly moving towards me. I think on the streets, things are different for guys. It comes down to what you can possess or intimidate for some of them. Carl knew he had to show him that I was not up for grabs. I was taken by him, at least as a good friend. I was so grateful for Carl’s protection although I had a feeling that Calvin wasn’t buying it.

Cas and I made friends with two other guys in the house who freely supplied us with a few smokes from time to time. I needed something to take the constantly recurring pain away. I needed to escape this reality. We didn’t have to give them anything in return, except for a few hours of our time, chatting about life and the meaning of. Like any of us had a clue. These guys were definitely not my type. They had big hair, like Poison and Motley Crue fans. They wore jeans that fit a little too snug and they thought it was cool to play air guitar. They were cute though, they made me laugh, not as much as Carl did but enough for me to relax and enjoy their company. I didn’t mind hanging out with them. I knew they wanted more, all boys did, but Cas and I were able to keep them at arm's length.

On a warm April afternoon, after lunch Jeremy invited us to join them for a stroll in the park. He winked and I knew he had something special to share. I don’t know how they could afford what they had, but they always seemed to have enough to share. As he handed me my own smoke I thanked him with a sweet smile.

“Hey, we’re all in this life together baby,” he said.

“That is true, but I’m not your baby,” I replied as I lit it. He laughed and lit his.

“Touche,” he mumbled.

I took in a deep inhale and closed my eyes. It was that familiar smoke. The one that transported me back into Buddy's arms. I could almost feel his hands on my shoulders as he stood behind me, brushing the hair from my neck, slowly kissing my skin. Shivers ran through me. I didn't want to wake from this dream. I sank into it, savoring his imaginary touch.

I reluctantly joined the rest of them, we spent the afternoon climbing trees and laying in the grass, chatting about clouds and anything else that crossed our messed up minds.

It didn’t take long for Debbie to tell us that the shelter wouldn't support us any longer, we had to go unless we wanted to involve our parents. We stretched it out as long as we possibly could.

“Damn, I wish I was eighteen,” I yelled as I punched the wall. I still have half a year to go.

The day before we left the four of us took the subway downtown to hang out for the day. Once we sat down Cas moved over to sit beside Carl. He took this as a sign to put on a show. He knew it was his job to lighten the mood. He began by impersonating the driver.

“Mam, I'm going to have to ask you to remain seated. Mam, I need ten more cents if you plan on riding,” he continued on in what sounded like a nerdy man's voice. Then he began making animal sounds, it was almost as though he was throwing his voice. Passengers began looking around the subway car. He would too which made us laugh even harder. He would act like he didn’t know us which would make us laugh even more, we were in tears, clutching our ribs, begging him to stop. He included strangers in his performance, insinuating that we were crazy people when he would make the most outrageous faces behind them, causing us to try and stifle our giggles. I couldn’t possibly explain the joy this tall skinny homeless kid brought to my life that day. I wished we could have all stayed together longer. I felt young and carefree when we were together, like nothing else mattered. It felt as though time stood still. As I looked into Melody’s eyes and I saw a young girl, laughing, enjoying the moment. She let go of all her anger and all her fears, if only for a moment. Cassandra looked like the girl I knew in elementary school, before she became boy crazy, before she took to the numbness like I did. If there was a moment in time I could go back to, it would be that subway ride downtown in April.

“I’m moving to a boys only shelter across the city. It’s a new place, they tell me they can help me get my high school diploma, so we’ll see,” Carl told me as we sat outside, sharing a smoke.

“I am going to miss you Carl,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He held me close. We were all we had. Cas came out and sat on Carl’s other side. She wrapped her arms around his waist. I knew she wanted to keep him. I stood up and walked inside, catching the beautifully content look on Carl's face. A look I knew that wouldn’t last, the odds were not in his favor. I couldn’t think of that as I held the odd looking teddy bear he gave me earlier in my arms. “I have never seen a yellow bear with a triangle face before, I love it Carl, thank you,” I told him as I