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the door, but

there was no answer. I knew she was home because her car was in the driveway. Noticing the door

was unlocked, I pushed it opened, walked in, and looked around. I called her name, but didn’t get a

response. I slowly walked up the stairs and stopped in front of her closed bedroom door. I put my

hand on the knob and slowly turned it as I pushed the door open. I gasped at the sight that was before

me, Amanda lying on the floor in a pool of blood, and a razor blade lying next to her. I ran over and

put my arms under her. “Why did you do it Amanda? Why?” I sobbed as I held her lifeless body in my

arms, covered in blood and shaking, as the tears wouldn’t stop pouring from my eyes. My heart was

racing, and my body went numb. Suddenly, I saw a shadow in the doorway. I looked up as Ashlyn

knelt down beside me and stared at her twin sister.

“Amanda, how could you do this to me?!” she screamed at her. “We had so many plans. We were

going to backpack in Europe together,” Ashlyn cried as she hovered over Amanda’s body and shook

her by her shoulders. I pushed her away and yelled at her to stop.

Ashlyn slowly got up from the floor and walked over to the dresser where she found a letter from

Amanda. She picked up the piece of paper and looked at me with uneasiness in her eyes. I slowly

released Amanda, stood up, and walked over to Ashlyn where I took the piece of paper from her.

Connor,

You are the love of my life. I’ve never felt this way before about someone. You gave me hope. A

hope I needed to get through life. When we’re apart, I’m empty inside and lonely. I thought you

were the one who was going to save me from myself. I love you more than life itself, but if I can’t

have you, and we can’t be together, then I no longer want to live this life. I’m sorry it has to be

this way, but you have no one to blame but yourself. I couldn’t go on without you in my life. Please

tell Ashlyn I love her and that I’m sorry.

Amanda

I stood there with the note in my hand while Ashlyn sobbed. I walked over to comfort her as she

held up her finger and spoke to me in a harsh tone.

“It’s all your fault that my sister’s dead. All you had to do was love her and she’d still be here!”

That day changed my life forever.

Chapter 1

My eyes flew open. My heart was rapidly beating with fear. My bed sheets were soaked as I was

drenched in sweat from the nightmare that constantly plagued my nights. I looked over at the clock

sitting on the nightstand, and it was exactly 3:00 am. I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I

had a hard time catching my breath as I leaned over the sink and then looked at myself in the mirror. I

turned on the cold water and splashed my face, taking in a deep breath and closing my eyes.

I never told anyone why Amanda killed herself. I’ve kept this secret buried within me for the past

twelve years. The only other person who knew was her sister, Ashlyn. She promised that she

wouldn’t speak of it because she didn’t want people to think her sister would harm herself over a guy.

I rubbed my face as I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. I picked up my cell phone from the

night stand and saw a text message from Ashlyn.

“Connor, thank you for tonight. As usual, you completely satisfied me. I look forward to seeing

you again for another round of tantalizing sex!”

I sighed and placed the phone back on the nightstand. I got up, put on my running clothes, and

headed out the door for a run. Running always cleared my head, especially after having the

nightmares. I ended up running four miles in Central Park. Once my head was clear and I could think

straight, I made a mental note to call Dr. Peters. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, and I think it’s

time that I start going back for some therapy sessions. I took out my cell phone, thumbed through my

contacts, and decided to text Sarah.

“I need a stress release. Are you up for it?”

“Hi to you too, Connor. Do you realize its 5:15 am? Sure, I’m game.”

“Good, meet me at the penthouse in 30 minutes.”

“I can be there in 10.”

“No, I said 30. I need to shower first.”

“Yum, Connor, can I join you?”

“No thanks, I’d rather shower alone. 30 minutes, and don’t be late.”

I met Sarah through a business associate. Being newly divorced, she was more than willing to have

casual sex with no strings attached.

I ran back to the penthouse and hopped in the shower to wash the sweat from my body before I

fucked her. I stepped out of the shower with a towel

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