The Wonderful Visit H. G. Wells (best novels to read .txt) 📖

It came bounding across the churchyard path. The Angel stopped in surprise.

This made all the little boys laugh. A second imitating the first, said “Oh!” and hit the Angel. His astonishment was really delicious. They all began crying “Oh!” and throwing beechnut husks. One hit the Angel’s hand, another stung him smartly by the ear. The Angel made ungainly movements towards them. He spluttered some expostulation and made for the roadway. The little boys were amazed and shocked at his discomfiture and cowardice. Such sawney behaviour could not be encouraged. The pelting grew vigorously. You may perhaps be able to imagine those vivid moments, daring small boys running in close and delivering shots, milder small boys rushing round behind with flying discharges. Milton Screever’s mongrel dog was roused to yelping ecstacy at the sight, and danced (full of wild imaginings) nearer and nearer to the angelic legs.

“Hi, hi!” said a vigorous voice. “I never did! Where’s Mr. Jarvis? Manners, manners! you young rascals.”

The youngsters scattered right and left, some over the wall into the playground, some down the street.

“Frightful pest these boys are getting!” said Crump, coming up. “I’m sorry they have been annoying you.”

The Angel seemed quite upset. “I don’t understand,” he said. “These Human ways.⁠ ⁠…”

“Yes, of course. Unusual to you. How’s your excrescence?”

“My what?” said the Angel.

“Bifid limb, you know. How is it? Now you’re down this way, come in. Come in and let me have a look at it again. You young roughs! And meanwhile these little louts of ours will be getting off home. They’re all alike in these villages. Can’t understand anything abnormal. See an odd-looking stranger. Chuck a stone. No imagination beyond the parish.⁠ ⁠… (I’ll give you physic if I catch you annoying strangers again.)⁠ ⁠… I suppose it’s what one might expect.⁠ ⁠… Come along this way.”

So the Angel, horribly perplexed still, was hurried into the surgery to have his wound redressed.

XXVIII Lady Hammergallow’s View

In Siddermorton Park is Siddermorton House, where old Lady Hammergallow lives, chiefly upon burgundy and the little scandals of the village, a dear old lady with a ropy neck, a ruddled countenance and spasmodic gusts of odd temper, whose three remedies for all human trouble among her dependents are, a bottle of gin, a pair of charity blankets, or a new crown piece. The house is a mile-and-a-half out of Siddermorton. Almost all the village is hers, saving a fringe to the south which belongs to Sir John Gotch, and she rules it with an autocratic rule, refreshing in these days of divided government. She orders and forbids marriages, drives objectionable people out of the village by the simple expedient of raising their rent, dismisses labourers, obliges heretics to go to church, and made Susan Dangett, who wanted to call her little girl “Euphemia,” have the infant christened “Mary-Anne.” She is a sturdy Broad Protestant and disapproves of the Vicar’s going bald like a tonsure. She is on the Village Council, which obsequiously trudges up the hill and over the moor to her, and (as she is a trifle deaf) speaks all its speeches into her speaking trumpet instead of a rostrum. She takes no interest now in politics, but until last year she was an active enemy of “that Gladstone.” She has parlour maids instead of footmen to do her waiting, because of Hockley, the American stockbroker, and his four Titans in plush.

She exercises what is almost a fascination upon the village. If in the bar-parlour of the Cat and Cornucopia you swear by God no one would be shocked, but if you swore by Lady Hammergallow they would probably be shocked enough to turn you out of the room. When she drives through Siddermorton she always calls upon Bessy Flump, the postmistress, to hear all that has happened, and then upon Miss Finch, the dressmaker, to check back Bessy Flump. Sometimes she calls upon the Vicar, sometimes upon Mrs. Mendham whom she snubs, and even sometimes on Crump. Her sparkling pair of greys almost ran over the Angel as he was walking down to the village.

“So that’s the genius!” said Lady Hammergallow, and turned and looked at him through the gilt glasses on a stick that she always carried in her shrivelled and shaky hand. “Lunatic indeed! The poor creature has rather a pretty face. I’m sorry I’ve missed him.”

But she went on to the vicarage nevertheless, and demanded news of it all. The conflicting accounts of Miss Flump, Miss Finch, Mrs. Mendham, Crump, and Mrs. Jehoram had puzzled her immensely. The Vicar, hard pressed, did all he could to say into her speaking trumpet what had really happened. He toned down the wings and the saffron robe. But he felt the case was hopeless. He spoke of his protégé as “Mr.” Angel. He addressed pathetic asides to the kingfisher. The old lady noticed his confusion. Her queer old head went jerking backwards and forwards, now the speaking trumpet in his face when he had nothing to say, then the shrunken eyes peering at him, oblivious of the explanation that was coming from his lips. A great many Ohs! and Ahs! She caught some fragments certainly.

“You have asked him to stop with you⁠—indefinitely?” said Lady Hammergallow with a Great Idea taking shape rapidly in her mind.

“I did⁠—perhaps inadvertently⁠—make such⁠—”

“And you don’t know where he comes from?”

“Not at all.”

“Nor who his father is, I suppose?” said Lady Hammergallow mysteriously.

“No,” said the Vicar.

“Now!” said Lady Hammergallow archly, and keeping her glasses to her eye, she suddenly dug at his ribs with her trumpet.

“My dear Lady Hammergallow!”

“I thought so. Don’t think I would blame you, Mr. Hilyer.” She gave a corrupt laugh that she delighted in. “The world is the world, and men are men. And the poor boy’s a cripple, eh? A kind of judgment. In mourning, I noticed. It reminds me of the Scarlet Letter. The mother’s dead, I suppose. It’s just as well. Really⁠—I’m not a narrow woman⁠—I respect you for having him. Really I do.”

“But, Lady