Short Fiction Selma Lagerlöf (best book club books of all time .txt) 📖

and the work was not so hard but that I could manage with it, but I was homesick nevertheless. There was something that took hold of me and wanted to draw me back to the forest. I thought that I was deserting and betraying someone who had a right to me, when I wanted to stay here in the village.”

“It was perhaps⁠—” began Gudmund, but checked himself.

“No, it was not the boy I longed for. I knew that he was well cared for and that mother was kind to him. It was nothing in particular. I felt as though I were a wild bird that had been caged, and I thought I should die if I were not let out.”

“To think that you had such a hard time of it!” said Gudmund smiling, for now, all at once, he recognized her. Now it was as if nothing had come between them, but that they had parted at the forest farm the evening before.

Helga smiled again, but continued to speak of her torments. “I didn’t sleep a single night,” said she, “and as soon as I went to bed, the tears started to flow, and when I got up of a morning, the pillow was wet through. In the daytime, when I went about among all of you, I could keep back the tears, but as soon as I was alone my eyes would fill up.”

“You have wept much in your time,” said Gudmund without looking the least bit sympathetic as he pronounced the words.

Helga thought that he was laughing to himself all the while. “You surely don’t comprehend how hard it was for me!” she said, speaking faster and faster in her effort to make him understand her. “A great longing took possession of me and carried me out of myself. Not for a moment could I feel happy! Nothing was beautiful, nothing was a pleasure; not a human being could I become attached to. You all remained just as strange to me as you were the first time I entered the house.”

“But didn’t you say a moment ago that you wished to remain with us?” said Gudmund wonderingly.

“Of course I did!”

“Then, surely, you are not homesick now?”

“No, it has passed over. I have been cured. Wait, and you shall hear!”

As she said this, Gudmund crossed to the other side of the road and walked beside her, laughing to himself all the while. He seemed glad to hear her speak, but probably he didn’t attach much importance to what she was relating. Gradually Helga took on his mood, and she thought everything was becoming easy and light. The church road was long and difficult to walk, but today she was not tired. There was something that carried her. She continued with her story because she had begun it, but it was no longer of much importance to her to speak. It would have been quite as agreeable to her if she might have walked silently beside him.

“When I was the most unhappy,” she said, “I asked mother Ingeborg one Saturday evening to let me go home and remain over Sunday. And that evening, as I tramped over the hills to the marsh, I believed positively that I should never again go back to Närlunda. But at home father and mother were so happy because I had found service with good and respectable people, that I didn’t dare tell them I could not endure remaining with you. Then, too, as soon as I came up into the forest all the anguish and pain vanished entirely. I thought the whole thing had been only a fancy. And then it was so difficult about the child. Mother had become attached to the boy and had made him her own. He wasn’t mine any more. And it was well thus, but it was hard to get used to.”

“Perhaps you began to be homesick for us?” blurted Gudmund.

“Oh, no! On Monday morning, as I awoke and thought of having to return to you, the longing came over me again. I lay crying and fretting because the only right and proper thing for me to do was to go back to Närlunda. But I felt all the same as though I were going to be ill or lose my senses if I went back. Suddenly I remembered having once heard someone say that if one took some ashes from the hearth in one’s own home and strewed them on the fire in the strange place, one would be rid of homesickness.”

“Then it was a remedy that was easy to take,” said Gudmund.

“Yes, but it was supposed to have this effect also: afterwards one could never be content in any other place. If one were to move from the homestead to which one had borne the ashes, one must long to get back there again just as much as one had longed before to get away from there.”

“Couldn’t one carry ashes along wherever one moved to?”

“No, it can’t be done more than once. Afterwards there is no turning back, so it was a great risk to try anything like that.”

“I shouldn’t have taken chances on a thing of that kind,” said Gudmund, and she could hear that he was laughing at her.

“But I dared, all the same,” retorted Helga. “It was better than having to appear as an ingrate in your mother’s eyes and in yours, when you had tried to help me. I brought a little ashes from home, and when I got back to Närlunda I watched my opportunity, when no one was in, and scattered the ashes over the hearth.”

“And now you believe it is ashes that have helped you?”

“Wait, and you shall hear how it turned out! Immediately I became absorbed in my work and thought no more about the ashes all that day. I grieved exactly as before and was just as weary of everything as I had been. There was much to be done that day, both in the house and